For Un-Colored People

Hey Guys, Sirkastiq here…

It’s always a pleasure having you guys click that link and enter these premises with the expectations of finding something that would be worth your while. We the TSC team sincerely hope that we have been able to meet these desires in ways that only laughter can express. Buahaha…Of course, we have. Let’s not even front, our entire crew is badder than you.

I should observe some sort of restraint but I’m really excited. Here’s why:

First of all…go down low.

Lower…

Aha!  I just wanted to do that. So yes, first of all, we have been officially nominated for a couple of awards at the Nigerian Blog Awards 2012. We were nominated in 2 categories: Best Humor Blog and Best Group/Collabo Blog. These nominations were not the work of any super power or bot but the votes of decision makers like you and I. We owe this history making nominations to you, and no matter the colour of your skin; White, Black, MJ or Eczemaic, We can together bring these awards home. YES WE CAN!  Please take that step of faith and click here  to vote for us. Thank you.

On to other matters arising, while many thought we had run out of entertaining posts for you guys, we were working on our new project.

The Sarcastic Center presents: “For Un-Colored People”.A spoof of TheNakedConvos “For Coloured Men/Women” an exploration of some of the things that people go through or not…using real life instances which exist or may not. It is a series of 9 experimental monologues by 9 people who might be bloggers or not:

• @Demi_Carson
• @TheGreyGenesis
• @Andhiii
• @RaliaDsugargirl
• @ColorMyCake
• @NickFish3r
• @MallamSawyerr
• @C1kko
• @Terdoh

It expresses many of the situations, experiences, quirks and challenges that several groups of Nigerian people face throughout their lives. The monologues deal with crazy stuff basically told in the writer’s own way… or not

The colors come alive on Thursday, November 1, 2012 and each day, we will have 2 posts up; One at noon and the other at 4pm.

Below are excerpts of what to expect

Eggy Brown – “…A and B cups are jokes’ WHAT? HAYYYYY! You know what?! FUCK ALL THOSE DOUBLE Ds AND THEIR CLEAVAGES! OVER AND UNDER! I don’t care that these days men seem to be more into women with chests that look like footballs. I will find a man that loves me just the way I am.”

***

Semen White–  “What’s even worse about this is I’ve been told to “give it time. It’ll grow on you”. I want to take that literally but apparently, nothing is growing. I’m sure you’re going “Really, it can’t be that bad”. Here’s how I overhead an ex describing my penis to her friends;

“Stick out your pinky finger…”

***

Edo Black: “I’ve never done anything to hurt anyone. On purpose. People that offend me just tend to… well, die. Or get hurt. Or go mad. And I’m talking walking-on-the-road-with-dada-wearing-rag-and-eating-from-dustbin-while-singing-Tonto-Dike-Hayi kind of mad.”

***

Fox River Pink: “I swallowed hard. If I was lucky, there’d be more gag-reflex activity before the night was out. “Sir, I wan enter jail,” I coughed. “Jail? You this softie! When dem press you inside cell finish ehn, your yansh go dey leak water o…”

I hope!

***

Carrot Orange – “I was lucky enough to get a job with an oil servicing company; she got hired by a PR firm. Six months later, we got married. I will never forget our wedding night. After we got back to the hotel and she finally unzipped my pants, all she could say was

“What is this Carrot?”

***

Ajebutter Green- ” The service was amazing, My God! I sang heavenly choruses and saw the Cherub and Angels descending Heavenly banisters. At some point during the servicing, sorry service, I swear I heard the Halleluyah Chorus while David played the Harp”

***

Mechanic Blue- “I heard that Toto Decay was claiming responsibility for his fall at the Headies. See your life Bona? Abana that awon boys don’t even gbensh anymore because well, the toto eyav decay. Real niggies like myself and I always stop at the blowjobs. She now used that same mouth to insult you. Serves you right! Next time you will not use my girls’ names in any of your songs!”

***

Grey Matter- “I watched as though locked in an unfortunate trance as Mummy Nkem charged towards me and wrapped both her porky arms around my waist, simultaneously putting her head under my left armpit. Then she hefted me up and left me in the air. I hung suspended in the air like that for a second that seemed like an eternity…”

***

Engine Oil Black- “Today my lover & I went for a walk. It was very romantic. He kept looking back & staring at me. It was going rather well until he yelled at me to stop following him because he doesn’t know me. How ridiculous is that? How can he not know the mother of his 3 future children? I’ve done nothing but love him. I’ll have to address this tonight while we’re in bed together. He always leaves his bedroom window open for me. Romantic isn’t it?”

***

Excited yet?

So much we hope to hopefully entertain and educate you guys with so we hope you enjoy this. Remember posts go up Thursday at Noon and at 4pm.  We would appreciate if you aid in our publicity by using the picture above as your DP or Twitter avatar. Thanksss…Now will also be a pretty good time to subscribe and follow our handle @TheSarcasticCtr for links and updates.

Do feel free to drop your comments and expectations with us.

and oh… vote

Cheers