Professor Xavier

We interrupt your daily scheduled program to bring you this disturbing exposé.

This is all fiction.

Or is it…?

Professor Xavier’s ways have been exposed!

Who is Professor Xavier you say?

Well damn? Close this page and be gone from my presence. What are you doing here? Let me just say, that if you never read any comics as a child (not even Supa Strikas) then you probably grew up around child molesters and wankers. No joke. WHAT!?

Anyway, for the benefit of those who might not know, (however few they might be), Professor Xavier is a Marvel Comics superhero who is widely known as the founder, and leader of the X-Men.

If you do not know who the X-Men are, really, I cannot hear you. I’m sorry.

Throughout his comic book career, Xavier is paraplegic. But his body houses one of the most powerful minds in the world, after Jean Grey, and of course David, his grandson. Xavier is a high-level telepath. Meaning he can read, control, and influence human minds. Now see, this here, is the problem.

Reports reaching us have shown that this nigga here has been mind-fucking his mutant students. Literally.

We have reason to report to you that things are not what they seem from the outside. We have been able to garner a few facts that show that Professor Xavier is a telekinetic pedophile. (Imagine the possibilities. You don’t even have to, we’ll bring it to you right here, right now.)

This here is what Xavier does yeah? He gets these young ass kids using this Cerebro  thingy, usually ensuring he gets the youngest he can find, cos this ain’t no normal pussy yo! This is mutant pussy, 5 times more badass. You think I’m lying? Ask Magneto how he feels getting blowjobs from ‘different women’ every day because he has Mystique. But that’s a story for another day.

Anyway, this pedophile Xavier gets them chicks all up in the playboy mansion and gets them in these routines doing kegel exercises and thorough work-out sessions in the name of ‘Developing Your Inner Mutant’. Replace ‘Mutant’ with ‘Freak’ and there is your problem.

Now we all know how good Xavier is. Anyone who has watched any of the X-Men movies knows that he is one of the most powerful. Now you mean this nigga ain’t getting no pussy? With all that power and influence? Bitch please! X-avier is the most X rated mutant yo. Be not deceived. (See what I did there?)

You really think I got these muscles by exercising my mind?

Now I’m not even going to bullshit you. This is his M.O:

He gets the chick in his room, say Storm (cos that bitch be freaky as fuck with the white hair and the lightning and the tight costume, and the curves and them sexy ass lips and…yeah, you get the idea) and he gets off his wheel chair (yes people. The wheel chair is a front. What better way is there to suck your own dick while them females touch their toes) and walks over to her and she lies on the bed and her thighs suddenly be in a long distance relationship. Then he starts blowing her, and he’s not doing a good job, pun intended. And he knows this cos he can read her mind and all that telekinetic shit. So damn, he makes her see fireworks.

No for real people, he’s Xavier. He can make you see Dora the Explorer getting down with King Kong.

So she starts going crazy, and he’s doing all the right things, cos he be all up in her mind ‘n’ shit. A tsunami kills 300 people in South Korea as Storm climaxes, and when he’s done, he wipes his nut off her face, and wipes her memory clean. Storm leaves the office thinking she came to discuss the training routines of the new recruits.

Wash.

Sometimes, he be sitting in the cool of the garden going “I need to get me some head, and I don’t feel like sucking my own dick…who that fine shawty over there?” and some unsuspecting mutant just sees a lollipop hanging in the air. Being a selfish bitch she starts sucking it there and then. Sometimes it’s a dude, but Xavier don’t care. He be getting some head.

Calm down...breathe...That's right bitch. Feel... that 9 inch dick..

Sick bastard…

The only three mutants he doesn’t play with are; Jean (cos she be cock-mind-blocking him ‘n’ shit), Shadow Cat (cos sometimes when he fucks with her mind, her powers be spinning outta control and Prof X’s dick be thumping the bed. Not cool), and Wolverine (for obvious reasons, a simple slip during a handjob could mean disaster). All other mutants have been effectively butt-fucked by the professor, including Magneto. Sometimes the Prof be sending him images of him (Magneto) bent over doggy-style, then he (Xavier) would lick his lips and wink, and that gay stuff freaked Magneto the fuck out. So Magneto had to get a helmet for that shit.

Now you know I would never lie to you. But see, I have no proof for this stuff, cos the Prof does his job well. He be cleaning up every child’s memory before they get the chance to tweet about it. But I have brought it all to the open. If you have any contrary story, feel free to share, but I know I have told the truth!

Never trust a man who's sole interest is helping to develop children.

Amen?

Zoned

*singing* “Been long you saw me, dem say everybody look for me…*chops chops mouth….for those wey no love me, don’t expect me to say sorry, something something something somethiiing..” Yeah i’m sure you catch my drift. It’s been a while huh? i know right? what do you want, a hug? Awww, tell me how much you’ve missed me and i just might do an upgrade and oblige you with a squishy, breast flattening one (girls only please). Anyway, its good to have something to write again, lets jump in shall we?

*insert jump here*

It has been a very eventful past week(s) for me and today we are going to be learning something that affects us all. it’s a phenomena that scientists worldwide have been studying and have finally succeeded in solving. it’s a disease that is no respecter of persons as it affects both the old and young.Ladies, Gentlemen and Tunde Ednut, i’m honored to have been  part of the scientists that have found a cure to this menace, the number one killer of men and women: THE FRIEND ZONE.

DISCLAIMER: Before your sorry asses point fingers and throw stones at me, i must inform you that this post is a result of carefully conducted “research” The content emanates from the findings of other ‘scientists’ and this here blog serves as the confluence of the results I know that awon omo jati jati are looking for the next plagiarist to impale. it shan’t be me *puts hand to mouth and does the whatever-it-is-bush-people-do-when-they-put-hand-to-mouth*

Now we shall proceed.

Like all cases, it is necessary that we dig deep to unravel the mysterious history of the friend zone, before that however, for the unlearned in our midst (i wonder what you’re finding here by the way), i shall give a definiton or two of the friend zone. According to Wikipedia, the “friend zone” refers to a platonic relationship where one person wishes to enter into a romantic relationship while the other does not. It is generally considered to be an undesirable situation by the lovelorn person. In simple parlance, quoting the revered Mother Theresa, “The Friend zone is that shitty place where the girl you like, for some unknown dumb reason sees you as a brother rather than the guy that should be giving her a good shag on the regular”

Does that illuminate your understanding now, lamp?

Now that we have defined it, let’s dig deep into the anals of history and find out who started this menace that we have faced at one time of the other. Let me take you way back to 1994 where it all started. yes 1994, on that favorite sit-com we all love; “Friends” That’s where the friend zone was born. Remember Ross,and Rachel? The buggers. It is safe to say that the originator of this God-forbid zone is Ross. *minute of silence please*

and thus, a monster was created. 😦

Anyway, Are you in the friend zone? has that girl repeatedly told you “i want a guy just like you,” Are you tired of being the one she asks to go with her to the loo when she wants to pee? Are you tired of the way she tells you all the boys that hit on her? DO YOU WANT EMANCIPATION FROM THIS SLAVERY? If your answers to these questions is “yes” then welcome to your liberation center for the time of your deliverance is NOW! Turn to your neighbor and…look at their cleavage? No? ok. lets move on…

Before we proceed though, it shall be unsafe to assume that some of you even understand the zone you’re in. How are you sure she likes you at all sef? Lets make some things clear and set things straight. Now, these don’t necessarily mean she’s so much into you but at least, it’s a good sign that things could proceed out of the friend zone. 1. She’s laughing at your jokes even when they aren’t funny (i’m sure Terdoo will understand this very easily) just don’t confuse a “get me out of here giggle for OMG!!! you’re slaying me! 2. She tells you to take a sip of her drink…this kinda means “i am comfortable with you on a more intimate level” OR she feels there’s some poison in the drink so yeah…3. She asks you if you have a girlfriend or pries for the information…when a woman is around a guy she is attracted to, she will ask if he has a girlfriend, she might not come out blunt but she will find a way around…4. She calls you a player…strange right? You would think that when she says this, she’s not interested. LIE! This is one of the counter-intuitive things that ladies do, we’ve been in the game long enough to know. When she says this, PLEASE do NOT try to defend yourself and say you aren’t, go on with the convo, smile and say something like “is it that obvious?” For her to say this, it means 2 things: She’s comfortable enough with you to make such an ‘accusation’ and two, she views you as the kinda guy that talks to a LOT of women. Winning!

Ok, now we have established that she might like you, lets help get you out of that friend zone shall we? You people don’t know the massive favor i’m doing you with this post. Summer approaches and you don’t wanna dull like i did last summer. sigh..Let me graphically attempt to help you understand the height of your problem

Shey you see that it's not BEANS!

Now the GOLDEN RULE: NEVER EVER EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS DIRECTLY. Don’t tell her you see her as more than a friend, no no no…i know you’ve wallowed in the pits of the friend zone but this is a major bitch ass move to make, infact, it spoils everything. So here’s what you do;

1. You don’t need her: Shut up! i know you do but don’t make it so obvious. Don’t be there always, don’t pick her call before it rings, heck! don’t give her a special ringtone or save her name as ‘angel’ no no no! The trick is to focus on yourself, be engulfed in projects, hobbies etc. This gives you a legitimate excuse to blow her off sometimes and “make it up to her” later. In this make up time, give her the time of her life and then, disappear again. just ensure that you aren’t at her beck and call. I know she has you on BBM, when she sends you a message, dont read it, just END CHAT. it won’t show as ‘R’ but as ‘D’ You can then tell her later that you were busy or something like that.

encourage yourself o...continue...mtscheew

2. You find her attractive BUT she has competition: When you get to be with her randomly, make sure you notice other girls and comment on their beauty or if you can’t tell whether they just walked out of photoshop, comment on something like tiher legs “damn, baby got legs for daysss!” Anything to make her a bit jealous, please dont ga’an compliment someone who isn’t all that o! This should be done in moderation sha. when she says something like “na wa 4u, you’re just an ashawo” This is a good time to say “relax babe, they still ain’t got nothing on you” DO NOT STARE in her eyes after saying this, just move the fuck along. AS.a.Bawse.

3. You have high standards: Talk about the things you desire in a woman and use them to qualify her. Don’t wait for her to start telling you her preferences. put her on the back foot. Yes brag a bit. tell her you could hook up with any girl but you’re yet to find the one with *insert your preferences here* She will most likely tell you what she likes as well, this makes for good convo as you can pick up some points. PLEASE DO NOT SAY “like me shey?” This statement disgusts them more than the love letters they get in their facebook inbox

4.You are a sexual being: Yes. Talk about sex..here’s how. you can talk of the things you would love to experiment, the styles you like/know etc..while talking about this, watch her reaction carefully, if she seems uncomfortable, this is a major RED FLAG. you should stop. if she giggles shyly, BINGO! Go on for a bit and tell her “its not  fair, i’m giving you all my info and you ain’t saying anything. oya talk jor” Make the mood as light as possible. Warning: Don’t talk about sex too much before you look like a perv. Moderation is the key

5. Break the touch barrier: Now this is quite risky. it requires lots of tact. the problem is that most of us Nigerian guys dont pay attention. There are certain moods and scenarios that play out but because we are so myopic, we miss them. Touch is a very sensual thing and can change your status from Mr Friend zone to Mr Boyfriend if applied right. Some of you think that kissing is the next step when with a girl, nah you idiots. have you held her hand? I’m not talking of while you’re crossing Ikorodu road o. You’re sitting and having a convo, comment on her jewelry (maybe a bracelet), take her hand in yours and fondle a bit. PLEASE A BIT O! not for like 10 mins, what are you a palm reader? if she instinctively pulls her hand back, don’t grab it or hold tighter, just let it go, the mood isn’t right. Touching someone communicates you find them attractive and you are confident.

If your friend is however used to cuddling with you and shii and you have been scarce like i said earlier, the cuddles will become more special and less routine. The less she sees you, the more meaning it has. this is why you must make sure you dont show yourself as needy. sometimes. when the cuddle is getting cosy, just all of a sudden remember that you have some business to attend to and leave (Pls NEVER say you have to go see some people or other friends, Make it strictly business not pleasure)

See, this thing is getting longer than i planned o. Basically sha, STOP BEING NEEDY. you really just need to relax, i know you like the girl die but your being around all the time isn’t making it better for you. For those of you who go on twitter and stalk the girl, Retweet her every tweet, LOL even when she’s not cracking jokes and run to her defense when she’s been ‘attacked’ online, nigga you need a chill pill. that shit don’t get you promoted, matter of fact it takes away cool points if you ever had any. Anyway, You know what they say “when you think your situation is bad, there’s someone who has it worse” There are some in the “mugu zone” but that’s gist for another day. And for the ladies wondering why this is tailored to just guys, it’s simple: There is no “friend zone” for ladies. I’m serious, if you think i’m lying, offer that guy your you-know-what and see whether he will dull. If he does, well, to every rule there’s an exception, BUT on this rule, its clear, he’s not straight.

I’ve said a lot BUT if my pointers don’t help, there’s a major short cut that you can take to help you jump out of the friend zone. WARNING: This should only be used when all else has failed, this short cut may not land you in the “relationship zone” but might promote you to the “friends with benefit” zone. its better atink?

The shortcut? ALCOHOL! Just get her stone drunk and then do the do 😀 erm…see picture for explanation.

So yeah, i’m kinda done. i know you guys know more about these things than i do. I’m a bawse sha, i really don’t know much about being friend zone. i stay residing in the “alone zone” Note how i didn’t add ‘forever.’ i can’t be cursing myself. so yeah, you might have insight into a particular zone and/or a testimony on how you got out, use the comment box and/or you may have questions. our in-house experts who really don’t give a shit about your issues will pretend to care and reply.

Till i come your way again, erm…

The Schema

Hello Mortals…

OH MY GAWD!
He finally posted something!

Cool your lobules, this is not a proper post. It’s an appeal. Na beg I come beg una oh. Say make una no forget say this blog still dey.

Yeah.

So, while I am stuck in this mortal body, I’ve been forced to do things that you humans do. And a lot has been going on in my life recently, but I’ll be damned if you ever see any personal stuff on here. I’ve got a psychoanalyst and a psychiatrist in my bathroom and rearview mirrors respectively.
So, we good.

Still, loads of stuff happening. First of all, let’s focus on the very important stuff. Stuff that will change lives and probably destinies…

Game of Thrones is out.

Also, Hunger Games. Which I haven’t watched, yet inexplicably, I continue to breathe.

*sigh* You mortals have successfully hyped the most irrelevant, most immaterial things and turned them to objects of worship. That’s how my friend, Prince, is already planning the scam he will pull to get the Blackberry Blade.

Jesus be a source of common sense.

But who am I to point fingers? I changed my phone from a Curve 2 because I wanted my life to flash before my eyes just before I died.

Anyway, I have a guest post from the same dude that featured first in my other life. Ladies and gentlemen, I present @YemiJohnson.

**************************

How To Make Money:
Yo! Earthy mortals, it’s not my thing to greet viewers this way but the owner of this blog made it compulsory. First of, the disclaimer.

DISCLAIMER
I am responsible for what I write but I am not responsible for what you understand.
I understand that the intent of this blog is to deliver humor in puns, mildly stereotyped jokes, fables and any other means necessary. I am not a humorous person, I lost that part of me a long time ago due to tumor growing on my funny bone(r). My attempts to make this post as humorous as I can, will only put me in further pain and I am still undergoing chemo. The only thing I understand is sarcasm and I am still not good at it. I think it’s because my role model is Sheldon Cooper. Wow, I find my confession weirdly amusing.

Simply put, I hate humor. 😀 fork it, the smiley is meant to be the straight face-talk to the hand-not interested smiley, my dam spell check is faulty and it’s turning my swear words to pointless things. Shut. Fork this shut!

I hate to see people wallowing in poverty and so I have decided to be charitable for once. I will let you in on some secrets to making cool cash, my parents must not hear about this ooh, their brouhaha is too much for me to handle. Asides my blog this will be my only philanthropic act to the good people of blogsville. If you so desire to hear the tips again you would have to book a meeting with me at a discreet location and at a fee with many ones, zeroes, commas and no decimal point.

Any butch niger (I hate this spell check, I should have used a different system. Probably my nervous system…See what I’m saying?) that doesn’t like my methods of making mad cash can go get in a three-some with Bumble Bee and Optimus Prime. My ways are legit and will soon be published in the Times and Forbes magazines. No kidding like barren goats.

Plan 1
I presently work at a sperm bank and it pays. I give my special men to some group of hotties way outside my league (J.LO). I don’t get to bang them but they bear my child, it’s just like being knocked up and the pay is worth it. All you need to do is drink lots of water, a vivid imagination, loads of Vaseline, a strong hand. Truth is wanking helps you build, statistics show that 86% of men with firm and strong biceps are wankers #fact.

Editor’s note: Eyyysss!

As I was saying, place a subscription for the monthly issue of playboy magazine, there are more than enough pictures to last you for practice time before you resume work.

Practice makes perfection.

Perhaps if your faith is strong enough, your special men could fertilize an egg that would bring forth another Obama or Einstein and if you have the good sense, you will fight to get your son back. If your spawn inadvertently becomes a terrorist like Muttalab with the IQ of The Hulk, then you’re lucky. No one pins it back on you. Happy Jerking.

Plan 2
Since the 14 year jail term sentence, most homos have receded into their shells, waiting for a messiah to come and fight for them, pity tho. I overheard some gay looking dude over the telephone saying he wanted to start a brothel at his house, he had just gotten his first customer, I was about to approach him and confirm what it was I was hearing but then, the gayassniger (dam spell check) began to wink at me. He was fairly huger than me and any further steps could have put me at risk of being his second customer, so I ran.

#TrueStory.

My point is, if you are a broke ass gay niger this is your shot at wealth. Open that gay brothel now under the guise of YMCA, it will work out just fine. No one has ever questioned their activities before and for Lesbos, you people are too much, I will personally fund any Lesbo brothel. This has nothing to do with what I’m saying but I personally think y’all are the bomb diggity. Nothing sexier than two girls yo. XXXX – See what I did there?

Plan 3
Being gangster pays off, if I were gangster I would park my load to computer village and boss all them little spoilt kids that come to buy ipods, laptops, blackberries and all those other gadgets that ‘dem rich spoilt children come to buy with the money they scammed from their parents. There is no crime in collecting the money….. From where I come from they call it cribber’s cribbing, the cribber is the looter and the cribbing is the loot. Looting from the cribber is allowed after all, it was never his property. All you need is some yellow stains on your teeth and a red eye. This signifies you are a heavy smoker and drinker, a thick pidgin-ish accent and a firm grip is also required. Your appearance would get your victim frightened and scared out of his guts. Don’t get caught sha. This method is not legit in every jurisdiction.

Plan 4
There is still another legit means to obtain people. Heck, I have a friend that was obtained the legit way not so long ago…. Don’t tell anyone. To run this kind of package all you need is a good eye and be a boy boy to the owner of a shop in computer village. Let every shop owner in that vicinity like you because you would need their support. Speak in a very husky voice but be friendly, do not make the price of your service very clear to your customer/victim. If he keeps bothering you with the price, beat around the bush some more and talk in Yoruba. When you have done the service, you make your price clear and watch your maga as he tries to debate the price with you. Calm him down and tell him the work is irreversible and he has to pay the full charge. If he refuses to calm down then you can call in your guys one by one. I assure you, no one wants to die or be beaten, panic will get the better part of your maga and he will give you your full wage and if your maga is one of those rich spoilt kids, he might even add something extra for your guys. This was not done to me but trust me it works.

Plan 5
And finally this is directed at the mofo that owned this blog ‘terdoh.wordpress.com’. I was so livid when he closed down the blog and later he would say you don’t get shishi from owning a blog. The butch ass niger could have sold it for real cash. I had slaughter to own a blog with so much views and subscribers… oh! You are asking me what I will do if I owned the blog? I won’t tell you yet, it’s my own personal plan, I can’t let nigers like Tula and the dude at the sirqastic corner in on my secrets to get more cash. They seem to know their way around here. I am doing the least bit I can with my blog and it’s paying off. I got a free ticket to the hottest party taking place on the 3rd of march at club vegas on the Sheraton/opebi road link from 9 pm till dawn by just following @ent_prestige and advertising for them on my blog posts plus I also get one of the organizers side chick’s side friend. Impressive ehn! So I will be big banging a babe and the theory that bloggers don’t get shishi.

I wonder who saw what I did in the last paragraph.

Well this brings me to my conclusion, I am sure the girls in the house would have noticed that my tips where male sided. You can only infer from this that I wish every girl was a lesbo but still bisexual tho. Don’t ask why, just my own weird fetish.
I have said enough shut today……. Go make some cash.

*****************

Yeah, fuck ye niokar!
Anyway, I finally posted something, even though it wasn’t mine. I’ve been dead busy with stuff, but fuck it, I’m back. You might not want to expect too much from me, I’m just recovering. I still love y’all though, and I’ve got something planned. So watch this space. And subscribe. It means a fuckload to me. Thanks yo!

Dear God

You know, there comes a point in every man’s life where he pauses, takes a seat and reflects on certain things. If it hasn’t happened to you, you probably aren’t a man yet or you just have problems pausing to take a seat. Now i know TSC is a place where you come to just relax and probably read some hilarious stuff, Yup. That’s what it is, Nothing’s changed. What you are about to read is however one of those “i don’t know where this is heading but i’m just going to go with the flow posts”
Sit back, relax…oh! yeah, you may have a problem with sitting.

*assumes the religious position, kneels down, hands clasped, head raised to sky (ceiling fan actually)*

Dear God,

You know what? *rises to feet, sits on bed and places empty chair facing self* Lets just talk. Are you ok with that? Ok cool. So here’s the thing Lord, there’s so much on my mind i don’t even know where to begin. Of course i know you know what’s on my mind even before i think it, but here goes anyway. I think i speak for myself and a lot of people when I say i wonder the reason for my creation. Why am i here? A wise(?) man once said “you begin living the day you discover the why to your living” Well, i paraphrased that but i know you know that since you’re God and all so *shrug* So Lord, why? Why did you risk sending me to earth with all the temptations, sin and all. Why, when you know/knew that there is a possibility i’ll be lost forever and may not return. You believe in me that’s why? Haha! Do i look like Job? (ok don’t answer that) You know i can overcome the world like you did? Lord, are you kidding me? I know you have a wonderful sense of humour, i mean you once punished a man by making him pee continuously but overcome THIS world? Have you taken time to really observe all that is going on? Oh, my bad, you exist in eternity not time. Ok, is the earth still your footstool cos it seems to me like you’ve taken your foot off the pedal just a lil’ bit and we’ve run amok.

I’m sorry; i guess this isn’t the kinda prayers you’re used to. I know how it’s normally done, i ought to come with thanksgiving, ask for forgiveness, pray for the church, my pastor, his family, the church projects, my country. I know the modus operandi but can i just throw all that in the trash and just talk to The One who says He’s Father to me? Can i? Thank you.

Yes, i was talking about the pressures i face here. See mehn…sorry you aren’t a man. Lord have you seen earth as it is? I know your eyes are to Holy to behold sin and iniquity so this might mean you probably focus on other planets because ours is too much of a mess. In the short time i’ve been here, i’ve done a lot of things you definitely will not be proud of. I’m not proud of them either but mehn…sorry..it’s hard. The ladies are all so yum, if they existed with Eve, i don’t think she’d have cast Adam a glance. Sigh..Lets talk about the normal things like money. If my Father (you) are so rich and all, why do i have to come here and suffer? Jeez! (this isn’t a short form of your name, just putting it out there) You know, it’ll be easier for folks to see how well i’m doing, ask me what’s the secret and i can just say “Baba God noni” and actually mean it. Evangelism by attraction you know. Do things just have to be hard? I’m struggling to get a job, pay my bills, buy credit and yet MTN will still be stealing it. Which kain life?

*knock on the door*

You know what? Thats it jare..i give up on trying to walk right, whatever is laid out for me, Heaven o, Hell o…i shall carry my cross. That will be all. BYEEEE!

*friend walks in and i share with him my dilemma in the following poetic conversation*

“I look all around me and eventually above / And I end up wondering is there really a God?
The one they say made Heaven and Earth and everything in it/ The master of creation, who provides my every need?
They say He really loves me and He cares for me a lot/ But where was he the day my little brother was shot?
If Jesus really loves me, then why does He let me cry? And if He really cares for me, why did my brother die?
How can you talk of Jesus like He’ll ever forgive me/ He can’t ever want me, I’m such a bad person to love,
I’ve sinned and done such awful things and cursed the one above
This is my life and I do not intend to give it away, especially not to someone
In whose earth I’ll rot away”

Friend

“You say there is no God and your sweat gives your every need
If you want me to believe what you say, who’s the man that makes a seed?
You ask how you can worship someone you cannot see/ But miracles are everyday performed with you and me
And these are not the works of man but gifts from God above/ Believe- start with his miracles and you will find His love
How can jesus forgive me, you ask with a teary face/ How can I ever feel that I am a part of the human race?
Jesus died on the cross-for you and all mankind/ His love is truly great and He lives to redeem every mind
You say: Jesus can’t want me, I’m not one to love/ I’ve sinned and done such awful things and cursed the One above
Well let me say right here and now, He didn’t come for winners,
He came for people just like us- a multitude of sinners

*friend leaves after some light refreshments and I lie on the bed, the chair still positioned in front of me. Then I heard Him…*

“I’ve been here all the time/ I never went away
I watched you toss and turn/ And struggle everyday
I waited, listening for my name to break free from your lips
I looked to see your arms outstretched up to your fingertips
What makes you think I do not care? How can I turn away?
You are my child, I love you and this love grows more each day
So now come to me and let my arms surround/ Jesus is my name, forever we are bound”

“I feel so weak and helpless/ As I stand before your throne,
I feel so hurt, rejected and utterly alone
And yet I know from this time on, my life would turn out for good
For your love was poured out for me upon a cross of wood/ I know that if my strength should fail or I should turn to dust,
My Saviour, Lord, Redeemer/ In thee I place my trust
For man is just a tiny speck/A twinkling of your eye
But oh so precious always/ Loved more than stars of sky
To be a child of your sweet will is all I ask to be
And so within my weakness/ I give my life to thee”

It does feel good to know that I always find solace in your arms Lord and no matter how many times I’ve taken my life back from you, You are still willing to ‘receive’ it again. But before you go, there’s just one more issue.
You know how You said “the cattle upon a thousand hills are yours…” in other words (paraphrasing) Money ain’t a thang… erm..quick questions: “How long is a thousand years to you? God: like a minute, oh ok… How much is a billion dollars to you? God: like one naira. Oh wow!!! Erm…can I have a billion dollars? God: SURE! gimme a minute…”

Ok guys, I didn’t start off this post with this in mind, it just kinda swung this way, the poem is actually something I compiled for an Easter something, but somehow it fit in as the conversation went on. I hope all who’ve read enjoyed it as much as I did, if you didn’t, ah well…your cup of whatever you like to have in your cup.

Peace up. A-town down….tunun tunun, tunun tunun…