ComPaireasons

The story you are about to read may or may not be fiction. As a matter of fact, what you’re about to read may or may not even be a story. To be perfectly honest, you may or may not be able to read and this assumption may or may not be a very expensive one. In the same vein, I may or may not be assuming, I may or may not have actual facts to back up my earlier postulation that you may or may not be able to read but if you’re still reading this, then I may or not be right seeing as you may or may not be reading this normally or with an aid or Interpreter.

Don’t get lost. Still follow closely as this is but an experiment of extremes; the two sides of a coin, the heads and the tails; the ups and downs. Today, we really want to stir up a deep thinking ability in you. Now this is a major generalization because we are assuming you actually have the ability to think. Please understand that possessing a brain does not equate to being able to use it, as some nature imbalances like disCossy and Jim irk have shown.

So why then are we here? Today we shall study some extremes and see the similarities and differences that may or may not exist.

1. Rihanna/Beyonce: 

I'm sorry wrong poster. UGH!!!

I’m sorry wrong poster. UGH!!!

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In the entertainment Industry, this is one comparison that will probably never die off. Everywhere you go, people go on and on about which of these bombshells they prefer. Some like Rihanna because she oozes that bad girl vibe; you know she looks like the kinda shorty that hops on a nigga and rides it cowgirl style OMG!!! Beyonce however looks like she’s all about that missionary or doggy style just so y’know she can paint her nails while nigga be hitting it. Let’s perform a little experiment: Close your eyes, she’s naked…now which one of these women did you see first? I can best my last N30 that it was Rihanna. So for sex appeal, Rih might take the cake.

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If we move to class, I mean there’s no gainsaying Bey is the Queen Bee. We can’t ignore that she has a child (Let’s not argue about who carried the child) but she’s got style locked down and Rih can’t come close. I mean, She’s with Jay Z and she sings for the president. Rihanna is with Chris and CarryUche and she sings for dead presidents. I’m not going to conclude but if you’re going to compare, remember Rih is but a girl and Bey is all woman and then some. If you consider their music…

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they are actually quite different but who cares? I mean, how many of you are looking for depth? you’re just looking for a roll role model. Isn’t that why you stalk their Instagram pages? abeg abeg abeg. If you’ve being brushed by your guy before, It’s clearly understandable that you love Rihanna and if not, I understand your Beyonce leaning. Whatever sha, these two…Your call.

2. iPhone 5/S3:  images (2)

hahahaha…I’m sorry Blackberry users, please move over there and stand in line with the Nokia and snaptu users. Yes I know y’all are pointing fingers at me and saying HAAYYYYYY but like chill. I’m the moderator here and I am very un-biased and abeg levels have changed yannah?

LOL..Levels have re-changed

LOL..Levels have re-changed

So while I’m not a techie and I’m not going to bore you with specs and ratings from PC guide and all that, The major thing that should make you decide which is better is one simple question: “Which one makes the girls gasp when you tell them the worth?” Yes Yes, you guessed right. They are both awesome smart phones, smarter than the average guy or girl. Thank God I’m not average. Both offer different features; Girls using iPhones obviously belong to the #SizeDoesntMatter Clan and those using S3’s obviously love big stuff. For the guys, you got an iPhone 5 means you’re into slim chics and if you got the S3, clearly, you’re a precious person. This is science.

–          Sent via my iPhone 5

3. Kerry Washington/Nkiru Sylvanus: The debate on who should have the new role in Justin Timberlake’s about-to-be-remixed “Cry me a river” is another one that will go on for ages. On the one hand is Kerry Washington; famous for her role in Scandal as ‘Olivia Pope’ and most recently as ‘Broomhilda’ in Django.

She's actually smiling here

She’s actually smiling here

Look, Kerry was born to cry, have you seen her face structure? It’s such that when she smiles, you’ll be forced to hand her a handkerchief or tissue. It’s only right that when you watch Kerry act, you be brought to tears, It shows how much you love her. If you watch a KW movie or series and not cry then you aren’t a real fan. In Django, she cried much more than she spoke and shebi the movie won a Golden Globe? Her counterpart is none other than Nkiru Sylvanus.

cry dammit!!

cry dammit!!

Unfortunately, I couldn’t get any of her crying pictures of the net as they have been taken down to avoid mass face leaks.Nkiru Sylvanus can cry for Africa, Asia and parts of Australia. She was kidnapped recently and information reaching us say the kidnappers couldn’t handle the generous outflow of tears. At some point they found themselves crying along and just agreed to let her go…

(To be continued…or not)

We clearly have so many comparisons to make and cannot exhaust them today. There are others like D’banj/Durella, Ronaldo/Messi, Shaki/Roundabout etc…We are going to have to do a sequel to this. In the meantime, we ask that you comment and list some similar close comparisons and we might or might not throw them in or better still, write a post on your own interesting comparisons and we shall have it posted.

Send posts to mrkelvinis@yahoo.com  once done.

Meanwhile guys, you’ll like to stay tuned and hear (read) what TSC has lined up for the Valentine season. Cheers.

New yeah?

Hey Guys,

Happy New Year and all that. No really, we at TSC wish you the best of the year 2013. There isn’t much to say on how to achieve your goals, make resolutions and all that, we don’t know jack about that kinda life. We hardly make plans which is why the three of us don’t wear boxers or briefs.

-__-

Act like you didn’t just mull over that.

“2013 is going to be THAT year!” Familiar words right? Next time someone says this, ask them to expatiate. You’ll get stuff like “I don’t know but I feel this year is going to be better than the last and most of our dreams will be realized” Once they’re done saying this, you need to give them your most annoying poker face and then serve them a chilled “Shut the fuck up”

images rqwrre

Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with being expectant for a new year but can you not base expectation on feelings? Thank you. I’m not gonna get preachy on here, I try to save that torture for those who follow me on twitter. Here, I try to be as diplomatically behaved as possible for the sake of the starving kids in Sudan.

That doesn’t make sense but keep moving.

With the new year springs up various prophecies from acclaimed men of God. We shall not be debating whether they were really called by God, whether they actually heard from Him or whether these prophecies are well crafted figments of their pre new year imagination.

DISCLAIMER: Whichever “man of God” you picture in your head as you read this is a product of your own mind and we shouldn’t be held responsible for that. It is your business o. I did not mention any names or do any descriptions. I have told you o. Don’t come and be doing “I know you were subbing my pastor” in the comments. I will just wound you, Ehen.

Everywhere you look, you shall see the following types of prophecy:

*loads pastoral accent*

The year 2013 is a special one in the history of mankind (no shit sir, seeing as it has never existed before) As a year with four different numbers unlike any seen since 1987, it bears a special uniqueness in the order of the universe (why didn’t I notice that?) This year, the lord has being speaking to me (So wait, previous years, that wasn’t Him right, and didn’t the year just start?) He has revealed to me the route of our nation and what the year has for us

*pastor pauses for some sorta effect or maybe to remember his lines*

In 2013, a great man shall die and many more shall follow suit in the country Nigeria (wow Nostradamus, I think this is pretty much expected, wanna tell us who?). There shall be mass accidents on land, sea and air (no accidents on twitter? You mean no one is gonna get murderlized, world star hip hop style? awww shit) This is the year of judgement for politicians and those who manipulate the youth (you can like to tell us who they are, we can harm them ourselves) This year, small businesses shall do well and power the economy (lol)

Guys you need to pause for a minute. Now I’m not one to criticize prophecies because I do know that God does speak and most of the time, He doesn’t need to wait for December 31st to do so. My grouse is why don’t we ever hear positive prophecies? Why don’t we hear that MTN is going to acquire some semblance of sense and deliver good services. Why don’t we hear that Nigeria will come back from the Nations Cup with something better than bronze (afterall, I think the big guy watches soccer) Why don’t we hear that Grandma Cossy will finally get sense and realize she’s more repulsive than spirogyra mixed with okro in a plate?

Uh Oh...

Uh Oh…

Every year, we hear the same prophecies in remixed form. People die, accidents, economic boom (with conditions). When these pastors say something a bit direct like “the governor of jankara will be impeached,” they quickly add a condition…”except  prayers are made” so that in the eventuality of the event not occurring, they can allude it to prayers that were made.

I don’t know again for real. The prophecies are hardly specific and are well laced with vagueness that with little or no practice, I’m sure I can pull off some of mine.

*dons white garment, kicks off shoes, balances on one foot, stares into upper left hand corner of room, keeps staring, receives inner shock (worms actually) raises shoulder, squints eyes, proceeds*

  • The year 2013 is going to be very unique. There will be light in some sections of Lagos and the nation in general. Others shall experience various varieties of black outs and disconnection.
  • The nation shall experience various holidays, each lasting nothing less than 24 hours.
  • Eminent personalities shall lose their lives this year; a notable politician with a vowel in his name shall pass on before the first quarter of the year is up.
  • There shall be an outbreak of fuel scarcity in the year 2013. To be precise; in one of the months that has more than 20 days.
  • The Super Eagles of Nigeria shall score a goal at the upcoming Nations’ cup. They shall not win the trophy (except prayers are made and cash is exchanged)
  • In the entertainment Industry *vibrates* Denrele’s fashion sense shall not change, D’banj will appear in more pictures with Kanye, and Wizkid shall feature in many collabos.
  • Ruggedman *sigh* There’s something wrong with my connection, have to verify this. Be right back.
  • Yeah, we’re back..Oh yes, Ruggedman. I was asked to move on to important matters.

*bows head low, closes eyes, holds heart, deactivates connection, exhales, puts foot down, looks around with the Dwayne Johnson stare*

LOL.

It’s a new year and there’s so much to look forward to (by the way this statement isn’t fair to blind people) and we wish that it’s a pleasant year for everyone. We would offer prayers and all of that but it’s not that serious and we are sure you’ve had enough to last you a lifetime.  Here’s to a year of laughter on here. Please, not all our posts will be funny, we cannot even lie, this shit is hard. But bear with us on such days. When we make you keel over in laughter (or not), do well to share the link with others. Basically guys, you make us who we are (though we are nothing but pencils in the hands of the creative) and we hope that you journey with us this year and enjoy every minute of it.

Happy New Year again

@Sirkastiq for TSC