Frank Selak

  So you think you’re bad ass eh? *chuckles* I have a distinct liking for people who just refuse to die; something about game recognizing game being that I am immortal and shii… However with all my immortal insurmountability, this god right here has simply refused to meet me. Almost like he wants me to write an application or something… Now I won’t lie, I can’t even famz this dude mehn! I have never met him and even though I have tried several means to, he just by some awkward trick of nature always manages to escape me. I have … Continue reading Frank Selak

Leroy Petry

Every now and then, when you go through the course of history, you meet different levels of immortal beings disguised as humans, and dedicated to performing amazing feats and saving the lives of their supposed ‘brethren’. Now there are the Jet Lis, the Jackie Chans and the IP Men Then there are the Stallones, the Jean Claude Van Dammes, and the Arnold Schwar(etc)s. Then there’s Chuck Norris. Then there’s Leroy Petry. Before we begin, can we all just give him a round of applause? Yeah, you too Obama. Settle down little nigglings. This will only take a while, then you … Continue reading Leroy Petry

Poon Lim

THE KICK ASS LIFE AND TIME OF POON LIM Settle down quickly please you unruly beings from that green and blue sphere, this message is straight from my superior kingdom here on mars and was sent to an earthling called Terdoh to convey so you should expect some dilution as it’s lost some of its Martian spice; but I’d trust you’d still make sense of what gibberish I’m sure it has become. DISCLAIMER:  The message you are about to read has gone through series of inferior alterations hence I shall not be held responsible for, or laughed at for any … Continue reading Poon Lim

Nikola Tesla

I was watching the movie ‘The Prestige’ with a group of friends (actually classmates) a few week s ago and we were thoroughly enjoying the movie. Then we got to the part where the great D’anton Goes to meet Nikola Tesla for help with a magic trick and then someone asked: “Tesla was real person right? It’s like I’ve heard the name before…” At this point I almost died of shock. How can anyone, much less an engineer, not know who the great Nikola Tesla was? HABA! No! My own personal person TESLA?! I proceeded to lecture them all on the … Continue reading Nikola Tesla

Yogender Singh Yadav

When you think of the country of India, the first thing that comes to mind is Bollywood, with the gay ass, sexy ass, flexy homosexuals on the screen singing their hearts out and wooing bitches or Rancho making headmasters look bad, or you think of techy individuals with glasses trying to debug codes in Airtel applications, but you never think Hardcore Badass Commando Ninjas who take bullets in the balls, engage armed gunmen in hand-to-hand combat and feed on the blood of their foes. You couldn’t be more wrong if you thought them Indian Jones were soft, cos India has … Continue reading Yogender Singh Yadav

Alvin York

Alvin C. York: Male, Friend, Brother, Son, Father, Soldier, Total Badass, Immortal. One evening, a fairly young man and his comrade walk into a pub to have a few drinks and generally whoop some ass which is a daily routine. Unfortunately for you both, you meet your match, and you generally decide “Fuck this shit, this can of whoop ass will expire tomorrow, we had better open it up today”, so you open up that can of whoop ass anyway and while you’re busy spreading some of the love, your comrade dies. You’d be in a total dipshit mood from … Continue reading Alvin York

Simo Häyhä

The year is 1939, the Russian Premier is headed by Joseph Stalin, and this guy had just taken some high quality mushrooms, and he’s in the middle of some good blowout probably with Snoop Dogg’s granddaddy, when he thought “Hey, why don’t we go harass the natives and loot their shit”. Of course every idea sounds like a good idea when you’re puffing that good ish. You could be on premium weed and go “I want a new tattoo. In Microsoft Sans Serif” and slip your hand in the tray of a printer. So with his head in purple haze, … Continue reading Simo Häyhä

Paddy Trumbull

Hello. @OluwaWanaBaba here. *blank stare* I’m here to tell a story, so can y’all please sit yo’ asses down? Okay? Better. *sips engine oil* I’m here to tell you the story of a legend. The person who makes Voldemort cringe in fear… The person who makes Adolf Hitler run for cover… The person who sends Didier Drogba’s babalawo to his knees. Her name… *crowd murmurs… “A woman?”* Yes, a woman, you chauvinistic egotistical male pigs. Her name… Paddy Trumbull. Let me give you the official gist first… What we told the public… Paddy is a 62-year old grandmother who fought … Continue reading Paddy Trumbull

Gen. Sanni Abacha

*Insert national anthem here* For most of you, don’t lie, the only part of the National anthem that played in your head when you read the above line was the opening instrumental. It’s not your fault really, its a psychological effect that has been proven by scientists who never conducted research to show the effect of the national anthem and … forget it. A few thoughts actually run around my mind when I think about this country and our national memorabilia. One of these is won’t they ever change that flag they show whenever a president is about to make … Continue reading Gen. Sanni Abacha

The Brothers Meng

When Terdoh told me about this, I really wished I could write about the Hulk. He however said it had to be real people. I wonder why people think the hulk isn’t a real person. Anyway, for the record let it be stated here that I know the Hulk and that he is as real to me as jollof rice and Fanta. What’s more awkward than two cripples having sex? Think very deeply about it because you haven’t the faintest idea what it feels like having seen what I have.  Okay, another question. What did I tell you guys about … Continue reading The Brothers Meng