And It Came To Pass…

That Solomon was epic. And God said “dude. What do you want?” And Solomon didn’t ask for money, clothes or hoes. He asked for common sense. And Premium Common Sense™ was granted to him. And two women came to argue over whose child it was. But Solomon had seen this episode of Desperate Housewives before, so he solved that shit with ease. And Solomon married like 300 hunned hoes. And Fela was like “damn”. And it was nothing. Cos Solomon wasn’t satisfied with having a different box every day cos that leaves out 65 days. So Solomon had like 700 … Continue reading And It Came To Pass…

The End

Good evening. Mortals. (Really, wouldn’t you guys feel bad if I didn’t greet you accordingly?) Anywhoo, as you may have noticed, I have finished Le 30 Days Blog Challenge shit and for those people who were viewing a half empty cup and telling me I couldn’t do it, I have just one thing to say to you my beauties; FUCK YOU IN THE EAR! No homo. Now that I’m done, I can join the league of extraordinary badasses like Wana who have successfully finished theirs and look down with disdain at the ones who haven’t. *Moonwalks all over Coco and … Continue reading The End

Tat Ma Name

Beach. Movies. Video Games. Bedroom. Friend’s House. Clubs. Restaurants; These were the basic ingredients in my relationship with Koko. It was sweet, real and in your face bitches… I called him Sweat & he called me Salt, weird I know but that’s the thing about me & Koko we aren’t your next door couple. The fights were always intense & the sex was the Thriller in the Manilla, Rumble in the jungle type of shit. His dick was my weed, my drug, my elixir, my kryptonite, my food…. I smoked a joint every morning; just wrap my lips around his … Continue reading Tat Ma Name

Untitled

There comes a stage in every man’s life where he reflects on what he has done with the billions of seconds he has spent on earth, and if he hasn’t been very useful to his generation in at least his own little way, he starts to have a mid-life crisis. This usually occurs between the ages of 40 and 50. And for highly ambitious people, it happens in their mid 30s. I had mine at 12. Where am I going with this? If Nigeria was a man, he probably had a mid-life crisis about a decade ago. Probably works for … Continue reading Untitled

Shitty Business

I must say growing up was fun. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t entirely fun back then but now, when you sit back relaxed with a hot cup of molten choco milo and reflect on the past, you actually realise it was fun – sometimes, I’m even honest to myself to admit i miss it. Whenever I’m struck with such memories, its the ones with me in nursery and primary school that get me laughing a lot. Come on, you can’t tell me you never covered your ass with ur hand, farted and used the same hand to cover ur … Continue reading Shitty Business

Fairy Fails

I was sitting around doing my daily Rounds of meditation, and a few thoughts crept into my subconscious and opened my mind to things that you homo sapiens have otherwise been oblivious to. You people have been in the dark for far too long yo! Never fear. Cumical’s here. I shall further proceed to enlighten you. It’s bad enough that you have no idea about the origins of the childhood stories you grew up to. And yet you stay eating food and breathing air like nothing is wrong! There are subconscious messages in the average storybook, and y’all niggas don’t … Continue reading Fairy Fails

Episode 3

2-Jun-2012 Being a super hero is not all it’s jazzed out to be. Sometimes it’s a real pain in the ass. Especially when you have a superhero boyfriend who is equally as strong as you. Sometimes I pity Aquaman. But sometimes I think he likes the pounding, cos Supes doesn’t get tired. As long as he’s getting rays from the sun, he can go on forever. And Aqua just needs water. He and Aquaman have this island in the middle of the Atlantic that no one has discovered yet. Plenty of sunshine and plenty of water. So nobody’s power ever … Continue reading Episode 3

Episode 2

1-June-2012 THE GREEN LANTERN COMES OUT AS BRAVE, MIGHTY, AND GAY. The newspaper headlines are agog with the news of my sexuality. The fanmail from the regular people has dropped considerately. And have been replaced with a lot of death threats, (really, like they could take me on my worst day) a few broken hearted messages, some encouragements from the gay community, and a whole lot of admiration from a Chyke person, a certain @Monsieur_RJ on twitter who has consistently spammed my mail box with messages of how much he admires me a lot more now that I came out … Continue reading Episode 2

Episode 1

31-May-2012 It’s been 72 years…72 goddamn sweaty years since we were created. We’ve been cooped up in this closet, and the rest of the Green Lantern squad, Superman, Batman, and the Boy Wonder (so called for his amazing blowjob skills), Aquaman, Hawkman, that sexy, flexy ass Flash, and Yours Truly have been in dire need to come out the closet and just be free goddammit! Frankly, it was getting really hot in here, the orgies were intense. There was Superman jerking Aquaman off, the entire GL squad engaged in an 8-some, Batman holding Robin’s head tightly, and Flash had me … Continue reading Episode 1

Introduction

Basically mortals, we’re halfway done with the series yeah? *Hi-fives my lonely self* The Chronicles of Awesomeness section is over, as you might have noticed, and you guys have been so supportive. I really want to appreciate every nutcase who took time out to write for me. I appreciate that shit. Don’t worry, all the props that need to be given will be given in the concluding post. If we ever get there.. We’re close anyway. So… Yeah, Ladies and men, felines and fellas, since we are done with that, it’s time for us to move on to more important … Continue reading Introduction