What’s Your Flavour?

Hey guys,

I know at this rate you’re probably wondering what is going on with TSC and why posts are few and far between? Have these niggas lost their touch, Have they broken or lost their funny bone? Truth is, nah we haven’t lost our touch; matter of fact, we have been involved in so much charitable ventures of recent, we’ve been getting touching responses.

That wasn’t funny?

Ok maybe we’ve lost that bone.

Maintaining a funny streak isn’t easy tho but for real, life has just happened to us and we’ve seen our schedules overtaken by the rigors of the corporate world and the rat race it involves but seeing as we are loyal and all that, we STILL have so much in store for you.

Today, I shall be touching a rather sensitive topic. I’m not exactly sure if this topic is one that has lots of sense but it is what it is and a man has gotta do what a man has gotta do. So, have you ever wondered what kinda girl you want to be with when you eventually decide to settle? A lot of us are quick to say we want the homely, good looking, freak in the sheets kinda girl (in no particular order) while some of us want the bad girl (Rihanna-esque in nature) Whatever your desires are, there are basically four types of girls in this world and it is my corporate social responsibility to introduce you to them or them to you…whatever.

Oh of course, it’s soccer season (In your face BBA fans) so I shall be relating these women to what we know in the English Premier League as the “Top Four” Ladies and Gentlemen, say hello to the Manchester United babe, The Manchester City babe, The Chelsea babe and The Arsenal babe. The lesson starts now.

The Manchester United Babes: images (26)

As is evident with the club they represent, girls in this category are used to having things go their way. They are basically winners at life and have had quite a hitch free upbringing. These girls are often very beautiful and classy. Most of them have had a wonderful dating history with some top notch guys and as such expect to date other quality guys. If your girl is a Manchester United fan, chances are that she expects you to be on top of situations and very competitive. The Manchester United girls do not accept losing as an option which is why they likely won’t date you if you’re a ‘nobody’ No don’t get me wrong, they can decide to engage you in one or two dates but if/when they see that you’re not up to par, they bounce. They aren’t after your money or anything, like I said, they are generally well-to-do and they can hold their side with or without your help. If you’re a guy with self-esteem and Insecurity issues, you might want to consider avoiding these ones and find someone in your ‘league’

The Manchester City Babes: images (27)

See yeah, these ones are basically gold diggers. Let’s call a spade a spade, these girls are in it for the money. The thing is they don’t even ball on the level of young money, these girls are out for the oil boys and/or barons. Oh you drive a camry or a Honda and so you think you can bag one of these? Hahaha…you’re funny. Trips to The Maldives, Maui and Nights at the Burj are just some of the necessities of their life. These girls are quite competitive and love to win. They will go any distance to get what they want irrespective of who gets hurt. Basically, they don’t play fair. Um..if you’re dating or attempting to date one of these, you better have a surname that ends with Adenuga, Dangote or billions (In Pounds). If they get with you and see you aren’t delivering results, they would dump you so fast you’d wonder if you were ever the shit.

The Chelsea Babes: images (28)

Started from the bottom, now we’re here. These girls are mostly…hmmm, let me find the right term…”attachers” Some time ago, they were nowhere on the status map then all of a sudden, they came in contact with some old money and BOOM! Levels change. They are somehow similar to the Man City babe in that they are money driven but the difference is class. The Chelsea type babes are mostly razz but they have been touched by some money and have resultantly ‘cleaned up’ Truth however remains; a leopard never changes its spots. These girls are also ruffians and wouldn’t hesitate to break a beer bottle on your head at the slightest provocation. Yes beer, they drink beer. Would I advise you to date a Chelsea babe? Um…Would I advise you to get run over by a Molue?

The Arsenal Babes: images (29)

Like the team they represent, these ones are effortlessly beautiful. They possess a sense of style and are graceful in all they do; from their movement to the way they talk. Yes they ooze style. On the flip side, these ones are/can be jokes. While the others are considered driven and competitive, the Arsenal babes are more concerned with keeping up appearances. As far as they are concerned, it is crowded at the top so they don’t mind occupying any other positions that would at least make them ‘comfortable’ Most Arsenal babes end up as side chics because of this behaviour. I must point out that they are very prudent; don’t spend anyhow and would most likely remain faithful UNTIL someone with more ambition comes their way and then they’ll leave your ass faster than Usain Bolt at the 80m mark.  Oh one good thing about these babes? They’ll help you save your resources. Yes, Economizing is their way.

So there we have it, The top four girl types. The truth about is, these same characteristics are typical of the football clubs they represent but looking deeper, they also are present in the fans. If you don’t agree go and make your own theory.  -__-

Anyway, in the spirit of the season and being an Arsenal fan myself, here is something fellow Gunners might enjoy: Sterling bank has partnered with Arsenal FC to issue co-branded debit cards in Nigeria.

images (30)

Basically, what this means is that you get your own personalized card alongside other classified benefits like official merchandise and tickets to see the team in action at The Emirates. In addition, Arsenal soccer school coaches will undertake a youth coaching clinic on behalf of the bank in Nigeria.  Click HERE for more info and open an ARSENAL KICK OFF ACCOUNT while you’re at it. So yes, your younger ones could just become the next Fabregas, Wilshere or…whoever Arsenal decides to sign. Lol

The ball is in your court

Meanwhile, Coming Soon: 1

For Arsenal Fans: Letter To Wenger

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                                                                                                                                                                At Work, 9:08am

Because I’m pissed and need to let this out

Dear Monsieur Wenger,

Matter of fact, you aren’t really dear to me so we might as well scrap that.

Monsieur Wenger,

Then again, who cares about respect?

Wenger,

It is August. Oh you don’t know what that means? Let me say it again. IT. IS. AUGUST

*beautiful seat mate asks me to calm down, calms down*

By my calendar, the new premiership season starts in about 16 days and I’m pretty sure you know we haven’t purchased any players. Of course you do, you’re in charge or aren’t you? I mean, who really cares about the transfer window right? Like we have a complete squad that can possibly challenge for the title the way we’ve been doing for the past eight years so why are these other fans even complaining? Can’t they see how consistent you have been? They must think it’s easy ensuring the team qualifies for the Champions league year after year. Please pay them no mind. Haha! But of course, you don’t pay for anything except it’s free so you go you.

You’re such a genius.

The other day I was on twitter watching people talk about how arsenal might be serious contenders for the title this season seeing as our other competition (Man United, Chelsea and Man City) have all recently appointed new coaches. They said the fact that you’ve been around the longest means we finally get to have our hands around a title. Clearly these people are clueless, they do not know you have no such ambition to become a champion as a result of the repercussion of such an event.  If they were students of history, they would see that coaches who win titles in England get ‘sacked’ immediately after. Remember Mourinho with Chelsea,  Mancini with city and of course Sir Alex would’ve been sacked this new season but he was smarter. They don’t know you don’t want to win a title so you can keep your job.

I salute your brilliance.

Another issue making the rounds is “Who is Arsenal going to sign?” I mean, you’ve ok’d the departure of Santos, Arshavin, Mannone, Denilson, Squillaci and somewhere in the horizon, the three musketeers; Park, Chamakh and ‘The greatest of all time’ Bendtner will soon join the list. Not forgetting Rihanna’s distant cousin Gervinho. Why you get no applause for clearing the deadweight remains a mystery. I mean, the squad is slimmer that the bridge of your nose, but still you get flak for it. Are humans not just a problem? If this was a house and spring cleaning was done, isn’t it necessary that the old and useless items be done away with? I don’t get why they are complaining.

Or wait…

Could it be because it is expected that when you throw stuff out, you bring new and better stuff to replace it? Hmmm…could it be that?

Twitter said you were trying to sign Higuain. I like the way you said nothing about that situation as no one can hold you ransom for things unsaid. They said you agreed for a fee of E25m and the club wanted about E35m. Don’t they know you wanted to use the extra  E10m you would have saved to scout homeless kids in France, bring them to England, set up accommodation and all? Man, these guys don’t know about your charity ventures. It’s sad. Higuain has gone to Napoli for E35m, of course, it doesn’t matter. He’s in Italy far from us, he couldn’t possibly hurt us. Well except he comes for the emirates cup and scores against us, but that won’t hurt much. I mean *shrug*

So now, gist is we’re gunning for Suarez; That Liverpool kid famous for racist bants and blanka like behavior. I even heard we made a record bid of E40m + 1 for him. WOW! You outdid yourself this time Arsene. But why do I feel you did this because you were pretty sure they were going to turn it down? You know “Lez put in a bids workth 40 milyon and one pouend so zat oza clobs can see zat we at ze arsenal have err…ze money to compet” You brilliant scouser you! Now the media is agog and ablaze with the possibility of that dogged player joining us.

You’re a genius.

You even got the player so moved, he’s just short of requesting a transfer.  Personally, I wouldn’t mind him joining us, but if Arsenal has taught me anything, it’s “don’t expect nothing till it’s signed” I honestly hope the Suarez thing doesn’t come back to bite us in the ass. By the way, we have Giroud , I mean 17 goals in his first season! Imagine what he can achieve if he just stops thinking the pitch is a runway, Like if he quits posing for spectator photos and just focuses on the ball, maybe just maybe.  There’s also Walcott, I’m sure by now he’s realized that he’s being paid to play football not to use the length of the pitch as practice arena for his 100m race dreams.  

In midfield, we have Diaby who plays like 4 matches every season and makes sure the physios at the club work for their money the rest of the time. How brilliant Arsene, you make sure all of the club gears grind as they should. We don’t have a Defensive midfielder but why buy when Arteta does the job. He’s getting old but I mean, that means experience right? Good. Let’s not even talk about our lack of defensive options. Who needs a defense if we are attacking?

Gosh! Your smartness is too much for me, I’m not worthy.

I believe you Arsene, Our team is ready. Fuck what the haters say. This is the way Obama became president. Ok I really don’t know how that ties in but fuck that, no one knows what makes sense anymore. So yeah, It’s August. We’ve bought no one…. Neither has Manchester United. Hmmm…this must be what champions are made of.

WOW!!! I SEE WHAT YOU’RE DOING…WOW!!!! ARSENE WENGER YOU’RE A GENIUS!!!!

Yours fucking faithfully

Sirkastiq