Poon Lim

THE KICK ASS LIFE AND TIME OF POON LIM

Settle down quickly please you unruly beings from that green and blue sphere, this message is straight from my superior kingdom here on mars and was sent to an earthling called Terdoh to convey so you should expect some dilution as it’s lost some of its Martian spice; but I’d trust you’d still make sense of what gibberish I’m sure it has become.

DISCLAIMER:  The message you are about to read has gone through series of inferior alterations hence I shall not be held responsible for, or laughed at for any “gbagauns” found. This message was dictated by my proud immortal self while on set for a movie (obviously about my awesome self…but this is not about me..)And was written by my make-up artist on set and was immediately sent to the earthling without being re-read or edited by me… have you written all that down? Good, wait, hope you didn’t just write my question… you fool stop writing till I say “ready for the next paragraph”. Alright I’m ready for the next paragraph.

Hello MTV, and welcome to my crib

I want to talk about a very spectacular earthling today and he is none other than Puun leam Poon lim. That Nigger (Chinese though) has the record for longest amount of days spent on a life ramp on sea with 133 days… on a wooden boat? Tell me you don’t already agree he’s a bad ass? You don’t? Facking lying bitches! Chill for a bit let me tell you how that dude denied the Grim 3 points in the league of extraordinary bad asses that season in 1943.

Chill, before you start writing this paragraph, tell them to note that this is as I saw the events from Mars’ surveillance of Earth. Done? Let’s move on. For the sake of this message I want you earthly beings to refer to poon as Sir. Poon Lim (Martian Knighthood secretly bestowed upon him) kapish? Or I shall seize earth’s oxygen supplies for 4 Minutes and 31 Seconds. Oh you’re still waiting to hear how he did it? Well I took interest in that section of the surveillance live feeds during the World War II because Sir. Poon was a steward on a British merchant ship and I sensed slavery tendencies within one look… but I was wrong, it was greatness I saw in that look. Pause, I’m starting to sound too dramatic. I’ve contaminated this paragraph; next!

Sir Poon Lim’s ship was attacked and torpedoed by a German vessel and the sharp dude immediately grabbed a life jacket and jumped out of the sinking ship just before it exploded like some James-Bond-Leave-The-Ship-Save-Yourself shit and was in the sea for 2 long hours before finding that wooden raft. The raft had several tins of biscuits, a forty litre jug of water, some chocolate, a bag of sugar lumps, some flares, two smoke pots and an electric torch but was that enough to have kept life in him for the 133 days? Do you eat one cornflake and perform hard labour? I think not!

Will…this damn thing..hold still!? I’m tryna take a picture! Shit! Fucked up my make-up!

That dude finished all the food on the raft in a fit of anger, because an angry man is a hungry man, and started hunting birds and sea creatures. Now I don’t know about you, but how you catch a bird, from sea level is beyond me. Poon had powers yo! He even wrestled a shark and sipped its blood like it was a margarita on the rocks to quench his thirst after the fight. Of course he didn’t stop there, he ate sea bully afterwards, using the bones in the rib cage of the shark as a toothpick, cos he’s an awesome badass that would make Bellatrix Lestrange look like Dobby.

This of course was the invention of Sushi, but Wikipedia won’t tell you that.

Please tell me you don’t even think he’s more than a bad ass. Well I continued monitoring SPL(yea, get used to the acronym too) for a while and kept on manipulating his situation to elongate the extra-terrestrial pleasure; in fact I deliberately made 2 vessels and a rescue plane pass him by and Poon claimed he was ignored on sea because he was Chinese. I can’t even tell you all the stunts that chin-ger pulled on that raft (like how he used to take a dump in a shark’s corpse and fling it all the way to outer space cos he was trying to preserve the water bodies of your planet) because it will start to feel and seem like fiction and Martians really can’t be associated with un real things

Anyways, I got tired of the bullshit and it wasn’t really fun watching SPL kill birds and sharks anymore. Or drink their blood and save rain water with canvas on the raft to drink and I finally stopped the manipulation and let the earthling sail to land in Brazil.  And throughout these 133 days SPL had lost only 9KG and was able to even walk unaided after being rescued. This is mainly because fish contains a lot of protein, for those who stabbed Home Economics class in the gut. Also, he could walk properly because he had been walking regularly, on water. But the Brazilians didn’t need to know that. I did…cos I’m Martian.

King George VI bestowed a British Empire Medal (BEM) on him, and the Royal Navy incorporated our tale into manuals of survival techniques. After the war, Poon Lim decided to immigrate to the United States, but the quota for Chinese immigrants had been reached. However, because of his fame, his sheer awesomeness, the aid of Senator Warren Magnuson, and his amazingly sleek hair alongside my inter-galactic influence, he received a special dispensation and eventually gained citizenship.

Poon Lim finally lost 3 points to The Grim in Brooklyn on January 4, 1991 but remains a bad ass to me. End.

If you ever forget me, never forget the silky smooth hair.

Send that to the Gay and self-pleasuring earthly creature, Shut that device and come do my make up

***************************

Yeah! People! As you may know, we’re halfway there with this 30 day thingy at Cumical Anecdotes. New series coming up, expect stupider posts and what not.

We love you. Also, there seems to be an influx of male groupies here. Where the bitches at?

Oh yeah, that reminds me. Basco is not desperate, but he needs groupies yo! As many groupies as possible. Twitter groupies, follow me first, then send yo titties to sendmeyotitties@foreal.com, after my scrutiny, I’ll give you the go ahead, then you can follow @The_Basco, and BBM groupies, add him 2201…wait. Yo Martian bitch! Should I put your pin?

Abeg, put it in le comments.

Peace out beeshes! I need to go write some more posts.

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About Terdoh

Gone insane...will not be home for dinner.

18 thoughts on “Poon Lim

  1. This started out promising but turned out to be a shaggy-dog story. Refer to your dictionary. There’s room for much improvement. My opinion.

    Like

  2. Basco your blog is…………. One word……………………………….AWESOME!!!!!!…. Very good job will.to forward reading more of ur blogs………..

    Like

  3. So SPL spent so long without the sight let alone taste & feel of pussy (you Martians know it as vagina) :(. So, did you watch him wank???

    Like

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