Seize The Bloody Bae!!!

Hello guys,

It’s been a pretty long time I’ve been here and like I said in the last post, it’s as a result of a myriad of factors. Unlike in time past, we want to ensure that we actually write stuff when there’s stuff to write about. That whole pressure of writing because we’re expected to cannot work abeg.

Best to have quality than trash quantity. (I actually believe that one day, somebody will do a small pamphlet of these my gem quotes”

“Best to have quality than trash quantity” – @Sirkastiq 2015

Today, I want to ‘talk’ about the latest fashion fad amongst us. If you look down the years, you’ll see how we’ve evolved from the days we rocked Moschino and Sean Johns, from the days of Nautica and FUBU, from the days when wearing baggy jeans meant we were really cool and rich. (Compare that to these days where fully grown, human men wear jeans skinnier than their fingers).

Life is funny uno, there was a time when our struggle was what we would score in JAMB and then after failing the first one, it shifted to “how much do I pay this guy to get me correct expo to pass?” Later it became “God, I beg I don’t want to carry-over, I can’t spill” to “Should I update my CV on jobberman, is it good enough?” As we go forward in life, our worries keep changing.

The most recent one for a lot of us is “When will I find boo/bae?” or in some cases “When will boo/bae find me?”

Listen, many people will hit you with the “God’s time is the best” and “don’t rush into a relationship” but my friend, YOU BETTER RUSH!!! Time still waits for man. Time doesn’t even have time so if you like sit down there and be expecting.

stb

The mandate was clear. it’s almost year end. Evaluate your life, why have you been dulling? Need someone to help you realize why you need to get up off your ass, go out there and seize the fucking bae?!

Here’s reasons – you’re welcome!

  1. Your eggs will soon expire/your sperm will soon become powder: Yup! Be there forming waiting for the right time, meanwhile inside your body, your reproductory materials are nearing expiry date.
  2. sperm-cartoonDon’t you want to appear on Bella Weddings? : Is it not your mates that share their “inspiring” stories on BN? Why should your own be different? You’re there waiting, shey it’s until BN is no longer in existence that you will now find bae? If you know what’s good for you, better agree for that guy in your DMs.
  3. Ring will soon finish in the market: Rings are getting scarce in the market, every Ahmed, Tunbosun and Chidera have bought rings even though they have no one to give it to. The economy dictates you purchase these items before scarcity hits. What? They don’t know the size of your finger? How is that the problem? Please focus on the ring and wear it round your neck when they give it to you.
  4. Shoki, Shakitibobo and nae nae will soon go out of fashion. Can you imagine your wedding where you can’t bust the shoki you’ve been learning for months? So you won’t hang one leg in the air while giving them shakitibobo? Let me tell you – better maximize the fact that these songs/dance steps are still relevant. Now is the appointed time.
  5. See how you’ve been seeing cute babies all around you and you’re like “OMG, I WANT!!!” How are you going to get? You think you can become the next Angelina Jolie? My friend, don’t be stupid. Say yes to that man now
  1. Price of visa and ticket is now high. To go to turkey, UK, USA and all those places is long and expensive. With a bae that is ready and willing, you solve that problem and get to visit all these places on someone else’ tab. Why try to save so much when you can just find a willing account number? You people don’t pay me enough for all this wisdom.

I know the alliance of online feminists are probably reading this like “why is he seemingly referring to women? Why aren’t the men the hunted ones?” see, I’m not about to offend you people and your association. I’m a man and it’s only somewhat understandable that I write from this viewpoint. Don’t be offended, just go and seize the bae. The year is almost over, it’s like you want to be by yourself at Christmas and on Vals day. Ok o. you think you’re doing me? You’re doing yourself.

Let’s read your successful ‘seize the bae’ stories…or plans.  Embrace the comment section