Surulere

Started from the bottom now we’re where?

The other day, I was surfing my Instagram page, doing my best not to be led down the path of hell by the images these women so happily post. Yes, I don’t know how they appeared on my feed. No, I didn’t follow them. Yes, you’re stupid for asking this question in your mind.

So while I was there looking for pictures to like; seeing as I’m a nice guy like that, I came across a trend. This nigga Don Jazzy (who I didn’t follow because he shared random credit one time) was doing some picture collage type thing and was tagging it #Surulere. JOSEPH, MARY AND MORUFU!!! The pictures I saw yeah, Lord, if there’s another movie for “Transformers”, they should use those guys and not robots.

I’m not going to talk about those guys tho, I don’t know the annointing that came upon me but sha, a certain spirit did. So I got this revelation and this post was birthed. We’re just gon look at our celebrities and form an opinion shall we?

Let’s start with omo baba olowo aka My dimples are so deep aka I don’t know what happened to my voice, it’s not like I’ve ever been a conductor aka Davido.  For those of you who doubted that Davido has always been a ‘big boy’ aka ‘a boy living large’, check this out.

homeboy so fat, dimples were covered up

Can you see now that this nigga been fresh out long before being fresh out became a thing?  But then something happened! David decided that he needed to break free from the sheltered life and mix with the niggas on the outside. He wanted to experience the thrill that came with chasing tyres down the road wearing multi-coloured pant, the joy of designing your own kite using brooms, thread and white nylon. And so David ventured out of the Adeleke mansion and became one of the area boys.

He even became black

It was as a result of this venture that Mr David released the song “Dami Duro” chronicling his struggle with his parents for independence. This was of course after he shared with us details of the days when he was broke on “back when” These days Otunba David is chopping life ‘aye’

Let’s talk about 2face.

See that tie? If you look closely, you’d recognize it as the one used to hang Karl Grossman in 1863  The story of 2face is not complete without a mention of the platashun boiz (They couldn’t spell so accept it like that) So yeah, 2baba started off as headmaster of a girls’ school as the picture shows. He however had to leave when the students mysteriously started getting preggers. That’s how bros met one shady guy; black face by name and that one introduced him to music saying they could become great.

Black face bought 2face a copy of Hip Hop World and the rest they say is history.

2baba aka Innocent aka 2face (Do you see the oxymoron?) became the biggest name in the music business. How did he do it? By shouting “NOTTIN DEY HAPPEN!” getting his neck snapped by robbers and ensuring that more women got blessed with the fruit of the womb. You people think that African queen song wasn’t planned? Baba sang one song and used many women for the video and those ones were there feeling frisky.

Wan de we shall really understand the story of Mr Coal.

From Mushin to Mo-hits to Mr Biggs. The black dayamon kept growing. Please look at this picture and tell me Mo- hits have not done their share of community service. The story of wande starts from the school of Unilag where he danced to the tune of the piper. It’s like the piper was D’banj and the pipe was really the harmonica, as the lord planned it sha, that’s how wande and his babe denrele were recruited as video vixens for D’banjs “why me?” and before we knew it, bobo don blow (literally). Anyway, Wande’s light kept on shining brighter and brighter although this shining didn’t reflect on his person. no offense intended but doesn’t this remind you (sometimes) of W ceezy?

Basketmouth

I doubt anyone would have considered that this nigga would have a bright future. C’mon, homeboy looked like your regular crime fighter star actor and to make it sadder, he’s from Benin. Like everyone knows Benin niggas don’t smile. I mean look at this guy…

It therefore came as a shocker later on to realize that this bros would build a very profiting career in comedy. No jokes! Well yeah, there were jokes but who woulda thunk it? Basket makes so much money at his shows, it’s not even funny. I mean, it’s not a laughing matter. You sha know what I mean. He’s cleaned up major too and that’s a good thing atink.

Wizkid

Just when we thought we had learned all the letters of the alphabets, this smallie from ojuelegba shitta comes with ground breaking revelation that you can actually joggle the letter ”I” and “h” Hi mean, we couldn’t tell hif hit was “na you dey high me” or “na you dey eye me” Anyway, this kid (not so sure about the wiz part) has come a long way. Omeboy now looks fretch and clean, dropping its with every release like hit’s nothing.

Let me just stop here tho. You musta noticed I didn’t mention any females yeah? That’s cos I couldn’t even find old pictures. These women have photoshopped their past, they be looking like the present and I couldn’t tell the difference. Anyway guys, we bless God for where we’ve come from and where we’ll get to. There are many others like Iyanya, Eyes Prince, Don Jazzy but space wouldn’t allow me go further.

Fuck space.

It’s not like i have beef with Iyanya but this nigga really does look like  a bottle of maltina. Homeboy look like you can use him to pound yam successfully. Chill, I know there are niggas that look good buff and all that, but c’mon all calabar boys are naturally buff. Then Iyanya won project fame or something and decided he was going to get buffer. Then everywhere he is, he will just be removing shirt because the shirt offended him and hindered his progress.  mtscheeeew

Pause for a minute and observe Ice Prince Zamani. Well, nigga on the left is ordinary Panshak Zamani before the fame, fortune and fashion sense came upon him. Homeboy steady wearing agbadas in the name of shirts. Look, I could do this all day but I don’t want my picture to arise someday (Yes, I’m going to be famous) so I’m going to behave myself and hit the exit right about now.

You got some #Surulere pictures, feel free to share.

#Surulere