Turn Down for WHAT?!

I’m not even happy this morning.

Like I can’t even take this thing again. It’s just downright annoying and so I’ve decided to come talk about It here with the hope that the specie to whom this behaviour is commonplace with can fix up.

If you’ve ever loved a girl, then you’re probably familiar with heartbreak. The two are almost mutually inclusive as you cannot have one without the other. Note that I didn’t say “if you’re in a relationship” This is because these days, you don’t even have to be in a relationship to have your heart shattered into a million minute fragments. I’m just tired. Now don’t get it twisted, I’m not of the opinion that hearts shouldn’t be broken but my grouse is that if you’re going to do something so life defining, at least put some effort into it. Don’t just toss the nigga into a blender and watch him get ground to smithereens.

If you’re going to turn a guys’ advances down, Please don’t do it in a way that he becomes the Hitler of our time.

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Yes, In case you don’t know, Hitler became the way he became because some chick told him she wasn’t going to date him if he was the only figure on the calendar. Go on Wikipedia that.

Dear God, in this my life, I have heard the silliest reasons for turning a guy’s advances down. I mean you would think “NO” was more than a two letter word with the way you girls creatively come up with your reasons. How hard is it to say “No, I can’t date you?” But you people allow the devil and the host of hell to use you. You don’t have to add an explanation. Even if he looks like his whole world is about to crash, DON’T EXPLAIN!

Well, except he asks “why”

Please b, tell me whyyyy, please...
Please b, tell me whyyyy, please…

Here are some downright ridiculous responses I’ve heard in this my stellar lifetime

DISCLAIMER: The turn downs listed herein are not peculiar to me and may or not have been first hand experiences. These could be sourced as a result of various testimonies shared by fellow bros over bottles of Jack Daniels and cheeks  flowing with tears.

1. “It’s not you it’s me” This one is the most popular turn down ever. Like WTF do you mean, it’s not me. Haven’t you just evaluated my entire existence and come to the brain clogged conclusion that I’m not good enough. What stupid damage control are you trying to do? By saying it’s you, do you think that makes me feel better? Matter of fact, it doesn’t because you just insinuated that there’s something wrong with my tastes and choices.  So, In other words, I didn’t do my research well before approaching you? Your father must be a lesbian tadpole.

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2. “You’re like a brother to me” You must be very stupid. You know the most annoying thing about this reason? Most times, the guy has invested so much into this pre-asking period. Homie has probably taken her on dates, dinners. Movies etc. My guy has likely even at some point mentioned how much he has in his bank account. See yeah, brotherman has entered his td Jakes “Naked & not ashamed” mode and just when he thinks there is nothing that could go wrong, Aunty puts him in the dreaded “like a brother zone” It’s not even like she puts him in the bro zone, e for better. The “like a brother” zone is non-confirmatory. It’s a “I don’t know what you are to me, but it’s somewhere between a brother and not a brother” In other words, “you confuse me” In other words “you’re a confusion”  If you’re in this zone, brother, you might want to drink rat poison while chewing on cockroaches.

Real
Real

3. “I like you too much to spoil what we have with a relationship” WHAT?!!! LMAOOOOO…This is similar to saying “I love playing FIFA but I don’t want to win a game so I don’t play” Does this make any iota of sense? It’s sayings like these that make me sometimes believe girls have ofio and sawdust where their brains ought to be. If you like him, what’s wrong with a relationship? Why not tell him the truth? This truth is probably (a. You don’t have money (b. She likes someone more (c. You smell (d. You really smell (e. You smell really bad. It’s never sex because she likely hasn’t had sex with you. Girls ain’t gon’ give the box up to some nigga who smells like a skunk wearing ammonium perfume. But yeah, it’s always better to just let out the truth.

4. “You’re a great guy but…” Look, if you ever hear this as opening statement, It’s ok to just stop her mid-sentence, shut her up, leave the location and never come back again. This is because what will follow will definitely fuck up your self-esteem for generations. Save yourself the damage. See, if not you’ll hear shit like “…you’re not just my type”, “…we can’t ever be together. “…You’re short and I want my kids to have a father they can look up to” or “…no one wants a 4 inch fully erect dick” See? Flee my nigga

There’s many more I’m sure but space won’t let me exhaust them all. I know you guys have experienced much more,  Here’s some…

g5PeD

Ladies, I love you and all but let that guy down easy. The truth is always better but if it’s going to hurt real bad, then shut the hell up and just say “no” Some scars are hard to remove and rather than be the witch appearing in his nightmares, be as nice as you can. If he can however handle the truth and keeps pressing for an explanation, then drop it like it’s hot .

Lastly, ladies I beg you…

Don’t be the one to suggest “Let’s still be friends”

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66 thoughts on “Turn Down for WHAT?!

  1. Coming fresh off a break-up, I can relate to this big time! Using a combination of lines 1, 8 & 9, she narrated why we can’t go on after she started ‘showing off’ another guy! I started d break-up when I saw all that stuff but as friends & fam started 2 wade in (and she never admitted to doing any wrong), I started re-considering. But she came up with those lines at various times & I just had to wrap the whole thing up! Worse, she did what you mentioned in the last line of this post! Downright annoying!!!

    I’m reblogging this!

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  2. brotherly!!! that’s how one babe told me “we are too alike” just recently….i still haven’t recovered. i think what hurt the most was that i was actually taking my time, didn’t want to take the plunge…but i eventually did and i now i dey vex! Funny enough, i suggested if we could “still be friends” but i know i do not want to be the babe’s friend at all at all….loool
    lovely piece as always….cheers

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  3. LOL
    I’m still trying to get over what Saka did to Adele; watch your back bro.
    Well, sometimes it could be true. A girl might not be trying to be mean. She might really see you as a brother, un-fuckable-friend or something else. Maybe y’all should learn to go dutch before you know where you stand…since the money dey pain una.
    :p

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  4. Wow! I think I’ve used almost all the excuses here including ‘my mum said…’ Till wen my ex left me to marry an older woman and asked if we could still be friends,then I felt pain…real pain.

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  5. Lmaoo! First time I’m on your blogg and I find it soo funny! Its a really nice piece love hw u express yourself (if. Only you. You could control the abusing). btw some of these things are real and boys do it to us too so please all is fair in love and war

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    1. LOL…Thanks for visiting. The ‘abusing’ is part of the expression package. Necessary to pass the message I desired, anyway yeah… 🙂

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  6. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL @ Adelef Hitler. Awesome post.

    Also, “I don’t deserve you” is among the top 5 shittiest break up lines. I hear that one I’m going to headbutt her in the left boob. I won’t even allow anybody beg me. Nonsense.

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  7. Lmfao! I’ve used most of those lines but only when the guy refuses to take no for an answer. ‘I’m not ready for the real thing’, and ‘we are at different points in our lives’ are my favourites when I don’t want to hurt a really good guy. I’ve been on the other end of these ‘lines’ tho, and it completely shattered my self esteem so much that I had to hibernate for a long period, lol.
    Oh and btw some guys do this same too, they call it being blunt and calling a spade a spade. Granted, girls do it more probably but guys do it too.
    Nice post kelvin, made my night.

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  8. Lols @ you let the devil and the host of hell use you!
    Can you imagine that?

    I think its vice versa and a matter of life,”we tend to want more than what we get at the moment”
    So…

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  9. You had me at Adelef Hitler!!! N besides, some of these “turn down” lines r true! I can’t go n tell him I can’t kiss him cos his mouth stinks! Some of us r just too nice, n so we’ll have to go with d whole “Its not u, its me” process…cos its really me…I really can’t date u…its a ME thing…*drops mic*

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  10. Call me a witch I don’t care but I’m very happy to read that guys r @ d receiving end of des crappy lines. Sum1 told me I dnt wanna hold u back and had d guts to ask “so wot do u think?” Like he said I’m d drag so wot do u expect me 2 think? Afta dat I learnt a few lines or my own.

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  11. Lmao. Angry bros up in hear. I’m here to defend the girls and drop some explanations. So direct your questions and confusion to me @monblaze. Imma handle it B-).

    If a girl uses one of these lines, chances are that she really means it. See, we females over think and we have sincerely thought about it past and level your mere mortal minds can comprehend (yes, we are immortal, we don’t die, we multiply). So she either really means it OR the truth is even worse OR she’s a ho.

    When I used the “I don’t want to spoil what we have with a relationship” I meant it, because as a friend I’m ‘one of the boys’, this guy thought it would be fun to date his ‘homie’ but I know that in relationships I change from ‘homie’ to ‘girl’.

    I can’t address it all here, but feel free to direct your confusion here…

    From the desk of the International Voltron For Women 😐

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  12. LOL, this post is really funny! From the number of comments I see that lots of guys agree with this which is food for thought! I also almost felt sorry for you guys – until I remembered that it was the men who started the “it’s not you” phrase. I’ve also used that line, but in my case I really believed and meant it -_-
    My sympathies!

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  13. sirkastiq u sound reaally pained o,lol…let’s honest no matter how much u try to butter it up, rejection hurts.. by d way i don’t really see anything wrong with d “U’re a great guy” opening.

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  14. I told a guy “I don’t like your sleepy eyes and I can’t imagine staring at them all day.”
    I have also responded to a guy’s undying love for me by saying, “sorry. I’m not in love with you……you could try harder though, who knows.”
    Then of recent, I said to a guy: “my head is currently in my ass right now, so I’m not thinking straight. I’d let you know when it’s out.”
    I was in a long distance relationship and my Ex used the “I don’t wanna hold you down” line on me. I was pained.

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  15. My friend uses the lines when the guys won’t take no for an answer and she actually means them. Like when an old guy wanna get married to her and she was still in part three studying law, she told him they weren’t at the same point of their lives.

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  16. You did your research very well I must say. I have used ever line up there. I mean ever single line.
    It just that it feels like one is MEAN to just say NO. It’s called letting the guy off easily.
    So yes
    “we are too alike”
    “You are like a brother to me”
    “I love you like a friend”
    “You are a great guy but……”
    🙊🙈🙉

    Like

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