Dates, Pick-up Lines And Shit

Hi guys,

Good day to those at the top of the Premier league, those that kill the ability of strikers, those who believe money answers all games and those who depend on others results so they can feature in the Top ten.

Capture

So basically, the TSC team decided to pool together a couple of interesting subjects and share our various opinions on these topics. These range from spirituality, relationships, secrets, fighting , sex, public transportation and a whole lot more. The thing is, we are going to be sharing our personal opinions, ideologies and/or experiences on these matters so while you may or may not agree with them, I must say that they are OUR PERSONAL VIEWPOINTS.

I get to start today and I’ll be writing on “Dates, Pick Up lines and shit”

I’m just going to drop these gold nuggets and ride off into the sunset (maybe continue at some later date).

Today, we shall discuss a worldwide phenomenon; an occurrence that has plagued members of the male folk for centuries now. One of the hardest things for us as guys to do is say the right words to a woman we like. Let’s be real, in that moment when you’re in her presence, you wanna ensure your words are laced with gold. You wanna make sure your words have the capacity to put some sort of smile on her face. You want her to giggle, to laugh…because if you can genuinely make her laugh, then my nigga you’re half way there. Marilyn Monroe endorsed this…

download (47)

However what we want is shit compared to what we really do or say…

If+you+can+make+her+laugh_3da152_4468701

At that time, our brain gets clouded by a thousand and one thoughts all at once and we begin to foam at the mouth.  Our heart begins to rattle like the soundtrack of Drumline or a Neptunes production. Basically, we become retarded. How on earth then do we initiate conversation? What pickup lines do we use? Do we throw on our faux Harvey Spector swag or just stick to our Sheldon Cooper geekiness?

I should probably talk about the things you really shouldn’t do.

1. “Tell me about yourself” – It doesn’t matter if it’s a date or a mobile conversation, this phrase is for INTERVIEWS not informal meetings. Some may say there’s nothing wrong with it but truth is; it’s a cliché, selfish way of getting to know a person. If you ask me this, I could say “I’m 50, retired  419 kingpin who found Jesus and now wants to live right” Thing is, anyone can give you a story. Best bet is to ask direct questions that improve CONVERSATION than leave one person to do all the talking. If that’s boring, you could suggest you play a game where you guess stuff about the other person and see how many you get right.

So_576b72_2695292

Quick tip: You don’t have to guess stuff like “you’re the first child” etc Make it steamy like “you’re wearing a thong right now” I’m sorry if she gets up and walks away or hangs up the phone, she was never good enough tbh. HAHA

2. Ditch the pick-up lines. “Your father must be Osama cos you’re the bomb” really? REALLY? “The spaces between your fingers were made so that mine will fit it” ARE YOU SMOKING EXPIRED PANADOL?!! “Heaven must be weeping because they’ve lost an angel” The only thing lost here seems to be your brain DPMO!!! If I was the girl, I’d probably just do away with the convo at this point. Pick-up lines were left behind in the 90’s, don’t make an ass of yourself just cos you want to impress her. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t compliment her but try not to sound like Jim Iyke at the Synagogue deliverance session while at it. You can use these ones though…

download (49)

images (42)

images (43)

3. So you’ve had a first date and all seems well, Bruhhh I know you’re excited nshit cos you dropped your  A- game and you had ol’girl grinning like a Cheshire but lemme hola at you real quick; Sorry to burst yo bubble my man, but now isn’t the time to be all over her like white on rice. A little space don’t kill anyone. Basically man, DON’T BOMBARD HER WITH CALLS OR IMS. Let her breathe. Of course you should check up when you can at intervals but don’t be Mr regular on her Whatsapp or iMessage (notice I didn’t say BBM? I’m an asshole, I know). Because let’s face it, what do you want to talk about all the time? You come across as jobless and clingy. Ladies don’t want that (well, the sensible ones really)

4. Point number 3 always raises the question “So when should I hit her up?” These things don’t have set time stamps man, Just like you know when you gotta go to the loo, it’s similar feelings.  The next thing you should never do is live beyond your means. So you’re trying to bag that high class chic but we all know you stay in my side of town and you’ve got my type of money that is planned on per month basis (life is hard my nigga), The best you can do is be real with yourself. Don’t put up fronts because you wanna impress cos the same momentum you start with is the same you’ve gotta maintain. I’m not now saying you should do a buka first date but guy, if na amala and ewedu you fit afford, better find babe wey go happily throwback that amala with you.

So yeah, you’ve done your part and alladat, the ball is eventually in her court, leave it there. I know you wanna know where you stand and all but it’s never a good idea to bombard her. Some of you niggas even start using pictures of her as DP, putting up corny ass status messages, your tweets become Drakish and you just sound like a retard without even trying. My advice? Lean back. If she’s into you, she’ll let you know sooner or later, and if she don’t, it’s ok to eventually ask.

And guys, “No” is an answer.

Abeg I’m tired. Good luck

Advertisements

41 thoughts on “Dates, Pick-up Lines And Shit

  1. Fiiiiirrrrrsssssttttt! Loved it! How do u know all these things @Sirkastiq? I’m beginning to think u were female in ur former life. Thanks for making me smile on my sick bed. 😀

    Like

    1. Aww…get well soon darling.

      And lol..these things aren’t exactly rocket science. Let’s just ay I’ve done ’em in the past and since they didn’t work for me, no shame in sharing.

      Keep that smile. 🙂

      Like

  2. “I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U.” This is the best line I ever heard in my life. Anyone tells me this, we’re headed for the altar.
    And you didn’t remember all this rules when you wanted to marry me, hitting me up for breakfast, lunch and dinner and using all your Google lines on me.
    #POW. #CanIPowMyself? #IThinkImDoingPrettyWell #GodImGood

    Like

  3. so how many are you in your house?? buahahahaahahaha i just died!

    *speaking from the land beyond* you guys are a case.

    I tell my younger bro alllll the time.. No is an answer, if a girl likes you, you will know.

    Like

  4. “Tell me about yourself”
    Very annoying! At this point I just know the guy is boring. There are more innovative and interesting ways to find out stuff about a person.
    “Best bet is to ask direct questions that improve CONVERSATION than leave one person to do all the talking.”. PREACH!
    Too short.

    Like

  5. So I am going to send this to this guy that just came on and he is all over the place, like changining dps gazillion times in a day, with pictures of himself or some corny a** dps like that( even if you are your own boss, you should at least form to be too busy or somfin) and always wanting to chat with me throughout the day.
    Would that be to hard or what?

    Like

  6. Thank you o! No is an answer. And single doesn’t always mean interested. I agree, you had to have been female in a past life; in fact, I shall bookmark this page and give it to alladem random guys who buzz to ask “so what’s up with yhu naw?”

    Like

  7. looool, you forgot the “Bro Zone”; You are like a brother to me, lets not spoil what we have.
    Anyways Pick-up lines, Zero. If you cant start a simple conversation, keep your ass glued to your chair. Sane advice: works for me errtym

    Honestly, its not worth all the stress

    Like

  8. “Gist me now?” “What’s happening at you end” “what are u doing today” “how’s it going to be” ” so when we gon’ hook up” “do u have light now” BLEH!

    Like

  9. Sage advice. Please tell them and I pray they listen. The sad part is that only a minute amount of them will get to read this. ‘Tell me about yourself shouldn’t roam about in your head, banish it just like when Jesus banished the legions.
    What about guys that do not know the meaning of ‘sup’ and uses as greeting? The go, sup? You tell them what you are up to, they ask you how you are, you answer appropriately, and next they go ‘what are you doing?’ How is that different from ‘sup’? And the most retarded ones go have you eaten? What did you eat? And they expect me to start listing what I ate. And pleas guys, don’t ever ask the girl to give you reasons why she doesn’t want to date you, I just met you for love’s sake, you don’t expect me to love you, this isn’t a disney cartoon, it is real life so snap out of your cartoon reverie. Neither should you say you wanna get closer, be a closer friend to her and that she should tell you how you can be closer. ‘I want our friendship to be closer than it is now’ who says I consider you a friend in the first place? Also mind your use of english, one asked me the other day if I am ‘shameing for’ my school and another said he has a ‘crunch’ on me. Also please endeavour to type in full, chat lingo makes you sound retarded. I should stop here, this is turning into a rant.

    Like

Do drop a bar...#NoSoap

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s