Food Porn – @NickFish3r

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ssasa

 

I have always considered myself a very logical person. Love however is illogical, hence this entrapment in which I find myself. Let me paint a picture of how illogical love is. It was love that didn’t make Jack kick Rose the hell off that solitary plank in the North of the ice cold Atlantic when the RMS Titanic sank in 1912. It was love that made Jesus die for all y’all sins. Sincerely can any one of you reading this shit die for a stranger? (Jack met Rose on that ship. That they gbenshed doesn’t mean she’s no stranger).

It was love that made me do this to this guy. The love of animal.

sSQ
He argued with me, How can bread be greater than goat meat?

It’s not my fault. Growing up I only ate chicken on special occasions. Special occasions being Christmas and other people’s birthdays (the ones I successfully gate crashed). No, my birthday was not an occasion; it was just like any other pangolo day. Even at the birthdays I got invited to I didn’t have the liver (chuckles) to eat any piece of meat larger than a maggi cube. That’s because that is what I was used to at home. In my house, it was considered an abomination for your meat/fish to be larger than a maggi cube. Only daddy and mummy were allowed to eat bigger sizes. So you see, all it took from the mother was ‘THE LOOK’ for you to know that that piece of meat would be your last if you as much as looked at it lustfully. Big meat is for adults.

“Ibaje niyen! Yah 7 yess old. Dat meat is too big for you”, I remember her coo.

Even at that, it was forbidden to touch the ‘animal’ until after you had finished eating. The maggi sized piece of condiment was made to seem like some sort of trophy you got for successfully finishing your eba/fufu or amala. Yup! Those were the only meals that entitled you to a trophy. You had a trophy on your rice on Sundays only. You guys don’t know anything o, I started eating eba when I was 6 months old. What do you know about that uhn? What do you know about reserving one morsel of eba, packing okro soup inside it and assuming it was beef? God born a nigga well that morsel be larger than a maggi cube.

Hmmn.

So when I grew up, by ‘grew up’ I mean when I hit puberty I earned my freedom. It was while in boarding school that my LOVE for animal blossomed. I would readily do a trade by barter with my eba or whatever the hell we got served at the dining hall for a few pieces of meat/fish. I had to catch up on the animal I had missed while growing up.
There are different types of animal: chicken, turkey, beef, squab, duck, fish, pomo, pork, sea pork, crab, shrimps, snail, crayfish, air pork, porcupine, bush fish, rick ross, lobster, locust, eggs, etc.

SSSSS

Haba! Just Habatically see HEAVEN…

Yup! Egg is an animal, dog is not. Please argue with me.

Mama used to fry 4 eggs for 8 people every 3rd Sunday of the month. You think it’s today I started doing #fitfam? I was born into a fit fam! In our house we weren’t having any of that cholesterol nonsense. Up until I knew how to spell Snuffaluffugus (which was very recently), any time I wanna fry eggs I cut loads of onion and tomatoes in it so that the egg would be plenty. After breaking the egg, you gotta rinse the inside of that egg shell with small water mate! It’s not good to waste animal. What do you know about that?
I love animal guys, you can lure me to death with the smell of fried meat. Just make sure the smell of the frying animal is strong enough to follow. You don’t really understand do you?

Alright you! You reading this right now… If they cook and garnish you very well then serve you on a platter I would have finished grinding your biscuit bone before I realise that I am now Hannibal Lecter’s protégé. I still won’t feel bad unless of course you were not sweet. This post is not enough to acquaint you with what I have been through so please don’t judge me and I won’t George of the jungle you.
Really. I don’t care. I will eat you.

SSSAas
Sha don’t finish all the grass…

Hi vegetarians! How is hell? That medical condition you’ve got is worse than cancer and AIDS and encephalitis lethargica put together. But I like you because the sicker you are the more animal for me. Hence I say thank you. God, who gave us authority over all other animals bless you deeply.

Genesis 1v28: “And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.”

Even God is on my side. Animals make everything better. All other foods in the world ain’t shit without ‘em. Here are a few illustrations: Rice and “insert animal of choice stew”. Yum! Pounded yam and “insert animal of choice soup”. Yum!! Yam and egg; bread and egg; chicken and chips; Yes even almighty dodo and “fried eggs; beef/chicken/fish sauce”. Let’s take it up a notch now shall we… Rice and dodo and “insert animal of choice”. Rice and moi-moi and “insert animal of choice”. Heck if I’m having just chicken I eat it with boiled egg for effects. Beans is nothing if it ain’t cooked with shrimps, shredded beef and shii. Animal makes all other foods more beautiful. It is like the side chic while any other is the main chic. You know that beautiful “accessory” that makes you the cynosure of all eyes at events? Yup

Okay since I am a very religious person, let’s go Biblical again. Solo, wisest man ever liveth (chuckles) had seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines. Now tell me what a man would need three hundred concubines for if he has twice the number of wives. They must have added VALUE. More value than the wives. Meat is greater than Eba. Are you wiser than King Solomon?

sssdSDADA

Please argue…
Mtchew.

I’m pretty sure I’ve made my point with this post. Animals rule the world and my love for them is unrivalled. Like, it’s so deep and true, With what can I equate this love? Oh yes! Oh yes!!! Have I told you guys about my girlfriend?

Larry Sushey. (@NickFish3r)

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23 thoughts on “Food Porn – @NickFish3r

  1. Loooooool. This man still never well?! 😦

    There are different types of animal: chicken, turkey, beef, squab, duck, fish, pomo, pork, sea pork, crab, shrimps, snail, crayfish, air pork, porcupine, bush fish, rick ross….Lmaoooooo Rick Ross has suffered sha 😦

    Like

  2. LOOOOL! This is hilarious. It just reminded me of the struggle for animal when I was little. New generation children have it so easy.
    When is someone going to write something sexual though?

    Like

  3. “After breaking the egg, you gotta rinse the inside of that egg shell with small water mate! It’s not good to waste animal.”

    Deeeeaaaaadddddd!!!! :’D

    Like

  4. drop a bar, no soap? u can edit that? lol damn. well im a huge fan of meat. i add geisha n maggi to eggs before frying. and the 1 day i bought a veggie-shawarma was cos i was tryna be ijebu.

    Like

  5. Just make sure the smell of the frying animal is strong enough to follow. You don’t really understand do you?

    Yup, I understand… And its segsual *NEXT*

    Really. I don’t care. I will eat you. *SEGSUAL TOO*

    PICK UP LINE >>>> Genesis 1v28: “And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.” *PERMIT ME TO USE THIS ENTIRE PARAGRAPH*

    I think I should even write my own porn (//_o)

    Like

Do drop a bar...#NoSoap

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