The Nigga Fall Of Man

Hey yo yo…whatitdo yo? what-it-doooo? Oh I’m sorry. I’ll get out your hair in a teeny weeny bit. Sirkastiq here welcoming you to your favorite blog *side-eye TNC* and we’re gonna get straight to what we’re here for. Ok enjoy…

I have said, You are gods; and all of you are children of the most High.

Psalm 82:6

Or as we would like to say in the context of the post you are about to read:

I have holla’d, Yo ass is gods; n’ all of yo ass is lil pimpz of da most thugged-out High.

Disclaimer: This post has the tenacity to raise several religious concerns. Well, we don’t exactly expect anyone seek us for burning purposes but like take a chill pill and enjoy literary genius. This wasn’t written to spite anyone or belittle beliefs, we just um…allowed our mind wander. So yeah…

Or as we would like to say in the context of the post you are about to read:

Disclaimer: This post has tha tenacitizzle ta raise nuff muthafuckin religious concerns. Well, our phat asses don’t exactly expect mah playas seek our asses fo’ burnin purposes but like take a cold-ass lil chill pill n’ trip off literary  smart-ass . This wasn’t freestyled ta spite mah playas or belil beliefs, our laid-back asses just um…allowed our mind wander n’ shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So yeah…

Ladies and Gents… @Cumical

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In the beginning, there was darkness and all that evil shit. Before then, there was some sorta war and Angel Gabe and the rest whooped that bitch nigga Lucifer’s ass and sent him crashing down to earth like hoes panties. But we ain’t gon delve into that today, that shit don’t bring no offering.

Fast forward a couple millennia and one day, after doing some awesome stuff and creating entire planets from thin air, God looks at Himself in one of the heavenly mirrors and says “Whoa! I really am good looking”, so He says “Let us make man in our image”, and the angels started making man in His reflection in the mirror, but God was like “no dum dums, not that image.”

So God created man out of dirt and breathed into him the breath of life and he was all alive nshit.

And Adam was black cos he was made from soil, and you don’t see no white soil. Soil is brown dammit.

And then God told him “Look at all this, it’s yours. Do with it as you please”. And Adam acted a fucking fool! Adam turned up every night in the Garden of Eden. Understand that Adam didn’t have no clothes on or nothing. Now imagine a butt ass naked black man doing cartwheels and climbing trees nshit. God was so ashamed.

So God said “It is not good for man to be alone” cos the lil’ nigga needed a woman to keep him in check. Single niggas ain’t as mature as them niggas in functional relationships. So God put his black ass to sleep and took out one of his ribs and created a woman from it. And you know how much black men love their ribs.

God had it all planned out.

When Adam saw the woman, he was all in love nshit. He went from nigga to poet. Like “this is bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh, she shall be called Eve.” And I don’t know where he learnt English but he was suddenly all verse in the language and what not.

Then God wanted to test Adam’s loyalty, so he said “see that Apple tree? You ain’t allowed to enjoy the fruit that comes out of it. Aii? Cool. If you do, you die.”

And Adam was like “whoa!”

But Eve wasn’t even listening. Eve was prolly doing her nails or some shit. Or planning to hang out with the girls…

So Adam went back to doing his lil’ nigga shit but he had to tone it down a little cos he was a married man now. But a nigga gon be a nigga. However, he stopped calling the animals “nigga”, and “ma nigga” and had to give them actual names cos he couldn’t introduce Eve to the elephant and the mouse and be like “That’s big nigga, and that’s lil squeaky nigga”.

Meanwhile, Eve was busy doing whatever the heck bitches did back in the day. I dunno, prolly planning to take a diet from all that fatty tree food she had been having. You know how bitches do…

Now let me make it clear at this point, that Eve was neither fat or slim. Because to be fat, there had to be something/someone to compare you to, and Eve was the only woman on earth. Also, there was no such thing as a “wrong hole”, or a hymen. There was no pain, so Adam could stick it anywhere. And Adam didn’t have a big dick, or a little dick. Adam simply had a dick. There was nobody to compare him to, so Adam’s dick was just perfect. Until Cain and Abel came along and there was room for comparison, but we’ll get to that later.

Let’s not get shit twisted tho. Adam was packing. No homo. We know that Adam was a black man, so he had that shit covered nahmean?

Anyway, Eve was chilling in the Garden one Tuesday, wait…yeah, it was a Tuesday. And some snake crept up to her and was like “Pssst! Bitch, can I holler at you for a hot minute? Got sssssome shit I’d like to sssshow you”

And Eve was like “nah lil slimy nigga. I got a man. And my man has two jobs.”

And the snake knew she was lying cos everyone knew Adam had only one job. And the pay wasn’t much, but he got off work early. So the snake was like “Bitch pleassse. It’ll just be a minute. Lemme holler at you at the back of the club.”

So Eve gave in cos she had nothing better to do, being a jobless hoe and what not. And the snake took her to the center of the jungle and she saw the apple tree.

And Eve was like “Hey, I remember God saying some shit like we shouldn’t look at this tree or nothing, cos we was gon’ die.”

And again, the snake knew she was lying, cos God didn’t say nothing like that. And the snake was like, “well you looking at it, ain’t you? I don’t see you dying or nothing. So might as well enjoy this apple shit. Ain’t nothing wrong with a little experimenting.”

And the snake slid up to the top and plucked a white iPhone. And was like “This the new 5G. Go on, take a selfie.”

And you know how bitches love iPhones…

And selfies…

And Eve touched the screen, and saw that the iOS was good. And pleasant to the eye. And Eve took pictures of herself and uploaded on Instagram like “Chilling in the Garden with @Snake_The_Tricksta”. And you know she had no clothes on, so they were nudes and all, and nobody wants their wife posting half/full naked pictures on the internet. So we can all conclude that Eve was a hoe.

Then Adam came back from work early as usual and found Eve uploading a video of her twerking and Adam was like “oh no you didn’t!” And Eve took a black iPhone (cos a nigga with a white iPhone just look gay as fuck) and gave him and said “Go on, touch the screen”, and Adam was like “no bitch! No! Imma lose my job” and Eve was like “you gon lose this pussy if you don’t touch that damn screen”, and Adam had to choose between his awesome job with good working hours, and some pussy.

And Adam chose some pussy.

And Adam touched the screen and his eyes were opened, cos he saw some shit on the internet. And when God came to chill with Adam cos God was such a dope Boss, Adam had some questions.

And Adam was like “wus Good God? Okay, so I was thinking. The angels yeah, when they having sex, does the female angel ask the male to “pull my wings”?”

And God was like “wuuut?”

And God lowered His glasses and God saw that Adam was getting nudes on iMessage from Eve on his iPhone. And God knew that Adam had disobeyed Him. And God banished Adam and what not. And that’s how Adam fell.

Like hoes panties.

Moral of the goddamn service: if your hoe on instagram twerking and she got nudes or half naked pictures on the internet, you best leave while you got the chance. That hoe gon’ bring you and the whole of mankind down.

Pass the offering bowl.

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