The Nigga Fall Of Man

Hey yo yo…whatitdo yo? what-it-doooo? Oh I’m sorry. I’ll get out your hair in a teeny weeny bit. Sirkastiq here welcoming you to your favorite blog *side-eye TNC* and we’re gonna get straight to what we’re here for. Ok enjoy…

I have said, You are gods; and all of you are children of the most High.

Psalm 82:6

Or as we would like to say in the context of the post you are about to read:

I have holla’d, Yo ass is gods; n’ all of yo ass is lil pimpz of da most thugged-out High.

Disclaimer: This post has the tenacity to raise several religious concerns. Well, we don’t exactly expect anyone seek us for burning purposes but like take a chill pill and enjoy literary genius. This wasn’t written to spite anyone or belittle beliefs, we just um…allowed our mind wander. So yeah…

Or as we would like to say in the context of the post you are about to read:

Disclaimer: This post has tha tenacitizzle ta raise nuff muthafuckin religious concerns. Well, our phat asses don’t exactly expect mah playas seek our asses fo’ burnin purposes but like take a cold-ass lil chill pill n’ trip off literary  smart-ass . This wasn’t freestyled ta spite mah playas or belil beliefs, our laid-back asses just um…allowed our mind wander n’ shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So yeah…

Ladies and Gents… @Cumical

********

In the beginning, there was darkness and all that evil shit. Before then, there was some sorta war and Angel Gabe and the rest whooped that bitch nigga Lucifer’s ass and sent him crashing down to earth like hoes panties. But we ain’t gon delve into that today, that shit don’t bring no offering.

Fast forward a couple millennia and one day, after doing some awesome stuff and creating entire planets from thin air, God looks at Himself in one of the heavenly mirrors and says “Whoa! I really am good looking”, so He says “Let us make man in our image”, and the angels started making man in His reflection in the mirror, but God was like “no dum dums, not that image.”

So God created man out of dirt and breathed into him the breath of life and he was all alive nshit.

And Adam was black cos he was made from soil, and you don’t see no white soil. Soil is brown dammit.

And then God told him “Look at all this, it’s yours. Do with it as you please”. And Adam acted a fucking fool! Adam turned up every night in the Garden of Eden. Understand that Adam didn’t have no clothes on or nothing. Now imagine a butt ass naked black man doing cartwheels and climbing trees nshit. God was so ashamed.

So God said “It is not good for man to be alone” cos the lil’ nigga needed a woman to keep him in check. Single niggas ain’t as mature as them niggas in functional relationships. So God put his black ass to sleep and took out one of his ribs and created a woman from it. And you know how much black men love their ribs.

God had it all planned out.

When Adam saw the woman, he was all in love nshit. He went from nigga to poet. Like “this is bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh, she shall be called Eve.” And I don’t know where he learnt English but he was suddenly all verse in the language and what not.

Then God wanted to test Adam’s loyalty, so he said “see that Apple tree? You ain’t allowed to enjoy the fruit that comes out of it. Aii? Cool. If you do, you die.”

And Adam was like “whoa!”

But Eve wasn’t even listening. Eve was prolly doing her nails or some shit. Or planning to hang out with the girls…

So Adam went back to doing his lil’ nigga shit but he had to tone it down a little cos he was a married man now. But a nigga gon be a nigga. However, he stopped calling the animals “nigga”, and “ma nigga” and had to give them actual names cos he couldn’t introduce Eve to the elephant and the mouse and be like “That’s big nigga, and that’s lil squeaky nigga”.

Meanwhile, Eve was busy doing whatever the heck bitches did back in the day. I dunno, prolly planning to take a diet from all that fatty tree food she had been having. You know how bitches do…

Now let me make it clear at this point, that Eve was neither fat or slim. Because to be fat, there had to be something/someone to compare you to, and Eve was the only woman on earth. Also, there was no such thing as a “wrong hole”, or a hymen. There was no pain, so Adam could stick it anywhere. And Adam didn’t have a big dick, or a little dick. Adam simply had a dick. There was nobody to compare him to, so Adam’s dick was just perfect. Until Cain and Abel came along and there was room for comparison, but we’ll get to that later.

Let’s not get shit twisted tho. Adam was packing. No homo. We know that Adam was a black man, so he had that shit covered nahmean?

Anyway, Eve was chilling in the Garden one Tuesday, wait…yeah, it was a Tuesday. And some snake crept up to her and was like “Pssst! Bitch, can I holler at you for a hot minute? Got sssssome shit I’d like to sssshow you”

And Eve was like “nah lil slimy nigga. I got a man. And my man has two jobs.”

And the snake knew she was lying cos everyone knew Adam had only one job. And the pay wasn’t much, but he got off work early. So the snake was like “Bitch pleassse. It’ll just be a minute. Lemme holler at you at the back of the club.”

So Eve gave in cos she had nothing better to do, being a jobless hoe and what not. And the snake took her to the center of the jungle and she saw the apple tree.

And Eve was like “Hey, I remember God saying some shit like we shouldn’t look at this tree or nothing, cos we was gon’ die.”

And again, the snake knew she was lying, cos God didn’t say nothing like that. And the snake was like, “well you looking at it, ain’t you? I don’t see you dying or nothing. So might as well enjoy this apple shit. Ain’t nothing wrong with a little experimenting.”

And the snake slid up to the top and plucked a white iPhone. And was like “This the new 5G. Go on, take a selfie.”

And you know how bitches love iPhones…

And selfies…

And Eve touched the screen, and saw that the iOS was good. And pleasant to the eye. And Eve took pictures of herself and uploaded on Instagram like “Chilling in the Garden with @Snake_The_Tricksta”. And you know she had no clothes on, so they were nudes and all, and nobody wants their wife posting half/full naked pictures on the internet. So we can all conclude that Eve was a hoe.

Then Adam came back from work early as usual and found Eve uploading a video of her twerking and Adam was like “oh no you didn’t!” And Eve took a black iPhone (cos a nigga with a white iPhone just look gay as fuck) and gave him and said “Go on, touch the screen”, and Adam was like “no bitch! No! Imma lose my job” and Eve was like “you gon lose this pussy if you don’t touch that damn screen”, and Adam had to choose between his awesome job with good working hours, and some pussy.

And Adam chose some pussy.

And Adam touched the screen and his eyes were opened, cos he saw some shit on the internet. And when God came to chill with Adam cos God was such a dope Boss, Adam had some questions.

And Adam was like “wus Good God? Okay, so I was thinking. The angels yeah, when they having sex, does the female angel ask the male to “pull my wings”?”

And God was like “wuuut?”

And God lowered His glasses and God saw that Adam was getting nudes on iMessage from Eve on his iPhone. And God knew that Adam had disobeyed Him. And God banished Adam and what not. And that’s how Adam fell.

Like hoes panties.

Moral of the goddamn service: if your hoe on instagram twerking and she got nudes or half naked pictures on the internet, you best leave while you got the chance. That hoe gon’ bring you and the whole of mankind down.

Pass the offering bowl.

Uploaded via WordPress for iPhone.

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84 thoughts on “The Nigga Fall Of Man

    1. Nope. Never. Never ever. Not once. Chicks don’t really send nudes. Guys who claim to get nudes are liars. All of them.

      And those nudes that leaked are all photoshopped by the devil himself.

      Long Live Mufasa.

      Like

  1. You gotta read this in yo best Ghetto accent yo…Now by ghetto, I’m not talking Naij ghetoo nah’mean? Think Boondocks..yeah, dassit ma nigga..

    Love it Tee…we should probably do more nigga bible stories like How Jonah really ate the big fish intestines nshit and gave the big fish a tummy ache till it spat him out.

    Haha!!!

    Like

  2. Wait a minute!!! This is a rip off from the post by @therookiegod on lemmefinishjoor.wordpress.com bible misadventures and what not. Still funny tho.

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    1. But I just checked out the entire blog content and can’t find any such post. Even had to google the right blog address. Pls share the post link to back up your accusation.

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      1. thesickbastard.wordpress.com/2013/06/19/bible-misadventures-1/

        There it is hombre… Now you gonna accept you plagiarised this or not? Its simple really…

        Only problem is that the admin of the main blog has deleted it… But excerpts from this site and date show it was written way before yours,
        Plus! Cumical commented on the comment box of that post if I remember correctly… So bruh…

        Like

      2. Just went through the post. No similarities please. Stop accusing Cumical falsely.

        So since someone wrote about Adam&Eve, the rest of us shouldn’t?

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      1. Whoeva y’all are! Dis dude aint original! My bruv does d bible misadventures, he jst took out the post! Seriously stop d Plagiarism dude!

        Like

  3. #sigh… This has been done before… And even better. You plagiarised this… Whomever the author is… And I have no problem with that… Only that its from my blog yo!

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    1. Hey Winchester kid, when you make accusations like this, you’ve to provide evidence. I hope you know what plagiarism means. Oh! And please stop misusing ‘…’ Thank you.

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      1. Evidence was provided, you over-look it because you are blinded by your loyalty. And no… Don’t tell me what to do… Okay?… ….

        Cumical… Did you or did you not see the post? and did you or did you not say it was brilliant?

        Winchester_kid

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  4. TheRookieGod and Winchester_Kid

    I can take being accused of creative infringements because it is something i detest. When you made allegations on twitter, I asked for a link (which you have provided) Everyone has read your piece and sees no evidence of plagiarism.

    This isn’t a case of mis-using words. You say you shared your post with the writer and then he stole your story. You might want to read both posts again.

    I wrote the first parts of this story up to where cumical was introduced and i had NEVER even seen your post. You claim our starts were similar, Do you now see that people can think up same scenarios?

    I do not appreciate you coming on here and on twitter to make claims that are entirely false. You even went to say I plagiarize stuff from TNC (which we ) both write for. There’s something called satire and it involves re-working posts. He didn’t even do that with yours.

    Setting might be the same, characters also but tell me, are the stories similar?

    If you are going to point fingers, Is it because the writers of the bible can’t point theirs at you for re-working their own post?

    I have a responsibility to over 9,000 people following this blog and I would not be silent while you parade accusations. It’s not the way to get your blog popular, read etc. Defamation is a crime of itself but I have clearly seen you know nothing of that.

    I’m making an AARRGGHH post out of a comment, I’ll stop now before i spew more.

    Grow up, keep writing and maybe someday you’ll be as creative as those you try to bring down.

    Best Wishes and welcome to TSC where life is too serious to be taken seriously.

    Like

    1. Just shut it dude! U don’t jst have enuf creative ability, which is why u can’t come up with something on ur own! U wait for someone to do something then u take it up!
      I’m pained cos I actually knw this is braod daylight plagiarism.

      Like

  5. Lol, the sickos are here again. Loooooooool. Very funny post indeed.
    As for those claiming they’ve been plagerized, I suggest you read your post again cos I read the post from d link saka put on twitter and 7up (if u know what I mean). Besides, the other was too vulgar and I (religious fanatic or not) did NOT find it funny! Kapishe???
    Saka, pls save your rant, they aint worth it.

    Like

    1. There’s a saying that goes like this “Great minds think alike” . I agree with that. I’m on a neutral ground here not supporting you, neither Winchester_kid. You just have to acknowledge the fact that he’s the masterminder and not to belittle him. Read both posts already great minds were sharing Good stuffs. C’mon am wasting praises here you both should smile and don’t gimme that “Stewie look”. To crown it all Winchester_kid is the Boss simply because he’s the “Masterminder”. Peace y’all *drops mic*

      Like

  6. All @Cumical had to do was to reference “Bible Misadventures” by @TheRookieGod, give credit where it is due, and everybody will be happy. But he didn’t. Anyways, for those that seek evidence, you can find the inspiration for this post at letmefinishjoor.wordpress.com/2013/06/17/bible-misadventures-1/

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    1. The only ‘reference’ I should have made was the book of Genesis. And well, ‘the rookie god’ should have done the same thing. But he didn’t. If you don’t know what plagiarism is, enlighten yourself and stop. making. me. look. bad.

      You really think thoughts can be patented don’t you? Go trademark a word.

      Also, y’all making me laugh. Thinking your post is ‘better’ than mine.

      LOL.

      Like

    2. *yawns* We are tired of reading your boring post. Aint nobody got time for that on TSC! Please leave with your family members.

      Like

    1. Brilliant.

      I’m not talking about the post. I haven’t read it yet. But well, everyone seems to be promoting their unrelated wares here, so you know, might as well…

      I should drop some of my old posts in the comment section too.

      Like

  7. Amazing from start to finish! When a mind flourishes freely in any direction, even angels pause & acknowledge such greatness!
    You went in, man. DOPE!
    Yup, like Sirkastiq suggested, y’all should do more bible stories. Take a fresh, present-day approach to it all. The Old Testament would be a BLAST! #SurelyNoBoko.
    ‘Reading is great but writing is pure GOLD!’
    Rrrraaaa

    Like

  8. BRILLIANT!!!!! …plagiarized or not, i don’t care, i’m just concerned the offering bowl hasn’t got to me yet (neither have the nudes)…and when the time comes for the other bible stories to be explained, well…a nigga ‘ll like to be a part of the writing team.

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  9. Culdnt help laffin, TF?!!!
    As 4 dose sayin this post was plagiarized, take a chill pill and calm dose titties down, I’m pretty sure if U checked d internet, u’ld find something similar written years back, I av seen a magazine article like dis and I aint screaming, Itz all part of the creative writing, itz nt like there is a pulitzer up for grabs, SO IF U CANT CALL THE COPYRIGHT BOARD, FUCK OFF!!!!!

    Like

  10. I normally don’t comment but the guys pussying for credit sorta remind me of ghana… it don’t matter where azonto comes from, wizkid killed it and will always be credited for it. In the same vain abi na vein, the kid and his team of persistent wankers(letmefinish – yo y’all been at it for daysssss) should relocate to Ghana!

    Tis late but phuckit i gats talk my own!!!

    Like

  11. Easy. Gizoogle.net. Type in anything in normal English and it translates it into Pimp and Black American Gangster talk. Come on!

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    1. Smh…If your ‘research’ is any good you’ll notice that the words at the start, in quotation marks are the ones interpreted.
      It really wouldn’t hurt to appreciate genius-in-writing when you see it.
      Come on!

      Like

  12. GESUS KRIST!!!!! The Niggur or Niggeret who edited this sh*t is going to meet Fela!, 2Pac! ‘nd the rest in Hell.. You so gon’ explain urself to Lucifer…LMAO.
    ff me @Dantes_Magic ‘nd mention for a follow back.

    Like

  13. Crap, crap, crappity, crap. Let me be the voice of reason. How can someone write this and people think it’s just funny? It’s freaking genius. I haven’t laughed this much (in my mind, didn’t want to scare the kids) in ages. As to the plagiarism movement *clearing throat and speaking in Grandad’s voice* haven’t I told you crazy ass niggaz to stay the hell away from weed? It does crazy things to your brain. Be going round accusing real niggaz of…what’s that word again Huey? Yeah…plagiarism? What dat even mean?

    Like

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