Rant Six (Double)

Hey guys,

Yeah, the “AARRGGHH” section took a back seat for a while because we needed to ensure that the blog maintained it’s diverse content . It was generally beginning to feel like a ‘drop your complaints’ here venue. We don’t despise that because that was our goal, however too much of something can be bad.

But we’re back now…

Applause? Smile?

Ah well, straight to it, Today’s rant is yet by another anonymous sender. You guys are really chicken yeah? But it’s all good, do enjoy and I’ll see you on the flip side

Oh wait…

There’s two rants actually


“I need a huge favour from you” says Tade at the other end of the call.

Uh-huh! I thought to myself…. “Go ahead, what’s it?”

” I need ₦ 150,000, its extremely urgent. Please, I know its just January and we just finished the festive period and all but I really need it badly. I’ll pay you back latest March ending, I promise. With interest sef.”

I went mute.

“Are you there?”

“Yes, I am Tade. ₦ 150k is quite much, I’m really rich at the moment.”

“Lara, I know. Please try for me I beg. I know you can give me if you want to. I won’t disappoint you.”

After much persuading, I gave in.
I gave him the money end of January (my salary) and added some of little savings.
3days later, Tade bought a Blackberry Z10…
And I drank garri throughout February.


These people are next to Devil’s heart. Amean, they should have a special place in hell.
They are the reason there’s famine, recession, depression, oppression, tribulations, corruption, kidnapping….you name it.

We are in July now and I have only received ₦ 50,000 from my so called friend. He has tried yeah? If I slap your face with a rotten fish.

That’s not even what’s paining me. Mba.
Its the fact that he BALLS! I’m talking BIG TIME. Then he flaunts his “balling” pictures on bbm and instagram; updates his PM about how much he’s living life. I’m not even hating, just pay me my money.

He celebrated his birthday in June and took about 20 of his friends to see MAN OF STEEL. I wasn’t even invited. Yes, I’m very pained.
it can pain
At the end of each month since March, he comes up with one “how-broke-i-am” story.
“Please, I promise next month. No vex” he says.

If this Nigga doesn’t gimme my kudi by month’s end, I’m gonna go all DMX on him!

AAARRRGGHHH!!!! Haven’t I tried?


I’m just going to imagine that the nigga is dead now or you’re about N100k richer. Whichever one it is, I’m sure you feel much better and that’s the most important factor to consider. See, that’s how one guy was dragging my money with me one time and i CAPS LOCKED him to death via Internet. I mean, how didn’t he know I was an Online gangsta? Niggas shouldn’t mess with me.

I’m sorry I’m deviating.

My advice: If you’re going to borrow anyone money, ensure that you don’t have them on BB or follow them on Instagram.


Oh yes, there’s one more…


I hate Lagos. There, I said it. Sue me.

As I sit here writing this arrgh confessional, I think about how much I wanted to come here and recreate the life I always wanted.  F**k it, I don’t have that life yet but hey, don’t blame me, blame it on the city!

Let me begin by saying that this weather is killing me slowly.  The first time I came I felt someone was trying to murder me by suffocation with a pillow. Then I overexposed myself to the elements, got a cold that lasted for months and a heat rash from the neck down to go with it.  This meant that I couldn’t sleep at night without some form of covering but could hardly sleep at all with the heat rash being coming alive and feeding on my moisture.  The result? The voice of an agbero and the skin of a snake shedding its old skin.  Arg… *clears throat* Arrrrgh!

Then the floods! What is it with the drainage system in this state?  For the love of God!! ArGH!  The first day my bus got stuck in the middle of the road, I had to swim in knee-deep water to get another bus. Ruined my fashionable trench coat and did nothing to improve my cold.

The young men in Lagos are annoying, seriously. I don’t know if it’s just me but their idea of romance is WHACK!  Did I say romance?  I’m sorry, but I don’t think they even know the word exists!  Yes, some of us are old-fashioned and love to be wooed and engage in some good ol’ intellectual conversation.  We are not interested in the size of your “Free Willy” or having a sleep-over with you just 12 hours after you get our BB, eww!

Thank you traffic, for taking hours off the time I would normally use to get some extra rest and read an interesting book or catch up with old friends on the phone.  Thank you for taking years off my life span and giving me headaches and back pains.  Instead of thinking of that drink/movie I could’ve had with the hopefully smart cute guy after work today, I have to put you on my top priority list, say no to him just so that I can get home early enough not to regret going out and coming home late while cursing the guy under my breath for not dropping me off with his own car cause my area is traffic-ridden. My dad should be grateful to you for turning his once adventurous daughter into a responsible antisocial freak.  Thank you, but do you see me smiling? ARGGGGGHHHH!

Yes, I hate Lagos because it’s not been easy for an independent chick who is hell-bent on making her money in the most decent ways she can afford to, but if there is one thing you should know: I ain’t going nowhere!  Just like the good wife I’m going to stay, patiently let Lagos f**k me up, down and sideways – all the while smiling – but after he’s done, I’m going to collect my dues, every. Single. Kobo. Of. It. 😐

But for now. Arrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhh!



My advice: I would have referred you to the 35 other states we have but you have decided to stay and get fucked left, right and center. That’s ok. All I can say now then is um…that dues collection…um…are you aware we don’t use kobo anymore? So what is the need?


25 thoughts on “Rant Six (Double)

  1. You mean your “friend” borrowed money from you to buy z10, hasn’t paid back and you’ve not collected the phone from him?……too soft I tell you!!!!


  2. Man, if I had a friend like that I’d be using a Z10 by now.

    Cos I’d have collected it from him.

    But wait. People still borrow money to flex and not to invest in means that will make more money? We’re still breeding dummies in ’13?



  3. Well if he doesn’t z10 goes for 74k now so if you collect it’ll remaaaaaiiinn..*thinking*(dammit!!! I hate maths)….26k (ithink)… Then you do whatever you want with th damn fone!!


  4. Mehn that sucks, this reminds me of a dude who has been owing me money for almost 2 years now, he flexes and posts his flexing pictures on facebook. I have talked and talked since, I m almost tempted to post a giant “*Insert his name*, Pay me my money” on facebook and twitter. People can be so trifling.


  5. Nne, I dunno whether to cry or laugh. 100k no be small ego oooo! Odikwa risky borrowing mortals money, they always come short!


  6. @lara am so sorry! I feel your pain. Borrowing pple money especially the opp sex is just ARGHHH!!!! Some stupid boy I borrowed money in 2011 to complete his summer money has erefused to pay back. Begged my mther like he was my husband for this money now she refuses to borrow me money anymore and he has the guts to be ranting all over twitter about how he has arrived and can afford any girl that comes his way. Immature fool. I should even dm him to ask for the money. Am too broke now sef.


  7. I borrowed someone 60k to be returned in a week, that was 3 months ago. He bought a Z10 last week. I promise you It. can. pain.



    1. Now I’m beginning to think there’s a reason guys borrow money from girls…..cos we’re too soft to go GANGSTER on ’em!


  8. Na. Wa o….. Don’t Ʋ knw a nearby police station? Or market to buy cutlass and go to his house? If someone is owing me 100k GOD knws I will look for baba and tk his name and pic dere ¯\(๏̯๏)/¯


  9. All I want to say is you LEND people money and BORROW money from them.

    Oh and take the Z10 from that guy. Like snatch it right out of his hand when next you see him and run for cover.


  10. As for the first rant, I’ll just say pele, but lemme borrow u my trick I learnt the hard way. You wanna borrow 100K, I’d rather dash u 10K. Shikena.

    2nd Rant, other states including yours are visafree. There’s a word called relocation. It’s discretionary.


  11. “are you aware we don’t use kobo anymore?” She dan kno!!! Woooh her suffering is equal to Cos90, cos dese days u only get what u wish. Too bad.:'(


Do drop a bar...#NoSoap

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s