The Rise and Fall

Hi Guys,

Great to have you here. Yes, Yes, we’ve been as consistent as Olivia Pope’s straight face. we know. If you’ve been an avid reader of this blog, you’d know that every long absence must mean we’re cooking up something. Matter of fact, we are. Our next series is in the works and in no time, we’ll furnish information on that.

For now though, we have a guest here to entertain you guys. Remember, all posts sent in are hardly edited and retain the content as sent (except deemed unfit) So yeah, let him know what you think of his post. Ladies and Gentlemen, @nonyizie

*****
So, first of all, before I start off I must say: This is a story my neighbour’s friend’s fiance told me. I have nothing to do with this, I am not the Key character, i don’t even know this person directly either…

With that said, Let’s move on.

Picture 1

This is a story of how…. pffft…Not even sure what this is about so don’t try looking out for morals and lessons. There probably ain’t any.

Anyways, this dude (the neighbour’s friend’s fiancé) was on a long ‘dry streak.’ *side eye, arsenal fans*. Months upon months of drought… no box, no nudes, nada… Not even a dirty chat. The last he had any was during Christmas and that ended on a bad note. Broad wanted me, sorry, him to look her in the face while brapping and obviously that can’t happen cos she was ugly AF  ok
Picture 2 “ok, she probably wasn’t this bad

so instead he fancied Reverse cowgirl and other means whilst working on a mental picture. She had them in right places though, PBB style, and knows just how to lay them down. Have you ever brapped an Estelle but worked with the mindset she’s a Megan Good? No?  Yes? Yea well, me too.

picture 3

She got mad when she realised and yada yada… You know the rest. *Fast forwards to present day*

So just before he meets another, dude decides to take on the sweet things of the world knowing he aint getting any anytime soon. :(. Chocs, ice cream, drinks… The stuff he had deprived himself of (for obvious reasons). This nigguh was king. Reppin #TeamCoke and shii.. Cancelling as many bottles as possible like eezz nothing.

Picture 4 sigh *

Anyway, somehow the stars align and Jupiter favours his hook with another fish. And YES, she was better than OK this time. He puts on his P setting jacket and goes all out . First date went well: deep flirty comments, little kisses and casual ass brushing. It was sure he was gonna get some the next time they met which wasn’t at the cinemas. *I once watched a horrible movie 3 times (Twilight: New Moon) . All failed attempts to get the box. *sigh* That’s another story*

Moving on… Sexting started, and den the D-day was set, she was gon finally get it!. She got the address, went over to see him and without awkward moments or delay, little small talk ensued, kisses followed and before time could slip their grasp *sorry, still working on my Spartacus lingo*the D was put to purpose.

*inserts Wizkid* …back to the matter, open and close, touch your toes, baby oya yòdi…’.  Dude flips out ‘Olympus’ and was ready to serve her like a butler. But babe fancies foreplay and shii so decides to blow his mind away first.
And just like that, in seconds, my nigguh enters beastmode.  Ready to beat that cat up. Flips shawty into position and it was time to be great.
…..

One…

Two….

Three…..

(>_<)

(Ó_Ò)

(O_O)

(⌣́_⌣̀)

*POOF!!*

And just like that, with 3, just 3 thrusts his Eagle had landed!!! Just like that ‘Olympus’ had fallen!!… Ahh! See gobe!

You know that feeling where you fuck up real bad it surprises even you? Yeah, that’s what happened. After all the mouth, *guys this is where u want to think twice when you talking dirty or sexting, talking about how you gon ‘tear that shii up’, ‘make you scream my name and bite the pillow’ yeah, check yourself before you wreck yourself* dude felt like vanishing. Just disappearing.

He was just standing useless like a burnt building. But as you know, as a guy you gotta comport. Observe calm and control the damage. So he zips up and goes: ‘Damn, that box too tight yo’. Shawty still in shock, gets up, confused AF as to what just happened, packages herself and leaves. I’m just here wandering how she felt that day in the cab, on the way home.
Anyways, dude knows he is screwed real bad and wants a fix before he completely messes himself up cos he has another babe coming from Akoka. *I hear they global, ruthless, greatest P setters in the republic*. Well, I dunno. I heard.  Rumours maybe.

So… this is a passionate cry for help to them experts and serial brappers out there… Let’s help this young champ  restore his  G-card.
I’m sure he will be eternally grateful. Won’t you, mikki? Crap! Sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. Just drop comments, I’ll take down notes for him.

Peace out!

Wait, PS:: Dude doesn’t fancy all them local shii by the way. Buruntashi, high power, kelebe and shii… Anything other than that would be appreciated. Thanks
This might be fiction or maybe it actually happened or maybe part of it happened.

Later Mortals!!…

@nonyizie

*****

Think you have it in you to crack someone up with a post? feel free to send us a mail. Send to mrkelvinis@yahoo.com or terd_bend@yahoo.com and it just might make it on here.

P.S: if you can’t spell and you abbreviate unnecessarily, please don’t even bother sending. It’s already not funny.

We mean that.

But we love you.

But we still mean that.

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17 thoughts on “The Rise and Fall

  1. Hehehe..*stares at bottle of Coke*..hehe..mmm. Well err..*stares again at Coke*..*drops Coke*..
    Well, I don’t know much about such things but..I don’t think..I don’t think the Coke had anything to do with it..
    Err..in my err..reading experience, exercise and workouts do a lot to improve performance. Then there are tantric (clenching) exercises..err..#TeamCoke!

    Like

  2. Before I read this let me start off by saying, You guys are really starting to piss Loyal readers off with your dry spells.

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  3. Lmaoooooooo! This is hilarious! And the Olympus metaphors are dope! Fellas need to stop bragging about skillz they ain’t got.

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    • Looool, Foh. This was very personal. A scathing attack on my being for your girlfriends I stole will not go unpunished. Dazz all motherfeucker.

      Like

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