Diss-Course

Sirkastiq: Yo Cumical. What’s up? There hasn’t been anything on TSC in a decade.
Cumical: Don’t look at me like it’s my fault. You haven’t given us anything.
Sirkastiq: Such a buck passer. Anyway, I’ve been thinking …
Grey: That’s dangerous.
Sirkastiq: And I had this brilliant idea of a diss post.
Cumical: You think because you thought of it, it’s brilliant right?
Sirkastiq: Of course.
Cumical: You make me sick. So what was the idea?
Sirkastiq: Well, it is kinda easy. And interactive…
Grey: We really don’t have all day Port Man.
Cumical: Good one. So what’s the plan Saka?

Sirkastiq: Well, we ask the audience to give us the best diss one liners they have.
Cumical: Sounds like a great idea.
Grey: Only original stuff of course. No googled shit.
Sirkastiq: So which of you wants to go first?
Cumical: Hey, your mamma’s so skinny, she turned sideways and disappeared from plain sight.
Grey: That’s a terrible one Cumical.
Cumical: Your mamma’s so fat she.
Sirkastiq: My mamma can’t be fat and skinny at the same time you idiot.
Cumical: You didn’t let me finish.
Sirkastiq: Shut up Kanye. Your mamma is so ugly, she broke all the mirrors in that JT video just by watching it.
Grey: Oh. My. God.
Sirkastiq: See how it’s done?
Cumical: You didn’t have to go there man
Sirkastiq: No hard feelings. Grey?
Grey: I like you guys. People say I have no taste in friends but I like you guys.
Cumical: Wait.
Sirkastiq: Screw you man.

Grey: Insulting your friends, enemies and family can be fun.
Cumical: especially when you don’t use common insult lines like “You’re crazy or You’re a bastard”
Grey: But sometimes the fun is maximized when you use those common insults then add more adjectives pertaining to your opponent (which may or may not be true) to the basic diss phrases. E.g. “You’re crazy” = Basic. “You’re single, broke and crazy” = Painful. Especially if it’s true.
Sirkastiq: Hell hath no fury like a broke and crazy person who already knows but is being reminded.
Cumical: IT. CAN. PAIN.

Grey: Now, when you add adverbs to show the degree of the adjectives which qualify the basic insult? It’s like setting fire to the rain and making your opponent dance in it. E.g. “You’re helplessly single, hopelessly broke, and irreparably crazy”
Cumical: Don’t do this to anyone who hasn’t mortally offended you though.
Grey: Bants a’ make her dance bruv. Bants are make her dance. But Bants a’ make her twerk when you combine the most common of all insults into simplistic one liners. Hence, where “You’re crazy or You’re a bastard” are common phrases and may not be painful? “You’re a crazy bastard” is a 2 hit Combo. #Science
Sirkastiq: “You’re a Single, crazy bastard” 3 hit combo
Cumical: “You’re a Single, broke, crazy bastard” 4 hit
Grey: Exactly. Then you can add the whole ngwo-ngwo. The adjectives, the adverbs and the combinations into one sweet compound-complex sentence structure.
Sirkastiq, Cumical & Grey: “You’re a helplessly single, hopelessly broke and irreparably crazy bastard”
Cumical: HAAAAAAAAAYYYY.
Grey: That’s not a compound-complex sentence though. Said it was for the purposes of exaggeration and emphasis.

Sirkastiq: True man, I personally enjoy exaggerating my insults the way your humor is.
Cumical: Wait.
Grey: Yup, he just said you have the laughter inducing level of 5 day old sliced bread
Cumical: No No No, you missed the point. Exaggerating? … Like your humor? Get it?
Grey: HAAAAAAAAAAYYY MY GOD
Sirkastiq: Guys, Guys, no fighting here.we’re here for the people remember? So yeah , where were we?
Right, while Insulting people, listen or read the words they say and turn it against them. This helps make them look stupid
Grey: Um..how do YOU read the words they say though?
Cumical: hahahahaha BOOYAH!!!
Sirkastiq: UGH!!!

Cumical: Interrupting people helps knock them off balance and picking holes in their insults gives you the upper hand. Remember to be calm and do not shout as this gives you the look of a man in charge..
Grey: which is something you naturally don’t have bro.
Sirkastiq: #KIRIKATAAAA
Grey: haha, I’m killing y’all like I’m dropping ice bars. Anyway, you don’t always have to swear to have the upper hand while insulting
Cumical: Fuck you!
Grey: Look at that, so bitter
Sirkastiq: #NoLemon

Grey: Take hold of a normal thing and blow it out of proportion like: “something something . I’ll let you think on that but you’ll end up hurting your already absent brain cells”
Cumical: Dear God. That’s a hit straight to the groin
Sirkastiq: But you won’t know anything about that now will you. pussy
Cumical: Wait.
Grey: Anyway, at least now the readers know how it’s done. Can you give us your best one liner diss? Hit as hard as you can.
Cumical: Use the comment box, GO!!!

PS: We’ll give out One Lagos Monopoly Set to the person who comes up with the BEST insult (as judged by 3 of us) No Googled shit please.

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98 thoughts on “Diss-Course

  1. Y’all realise that after ‘innocent’ comment #17, people are just going to start subbing one another. Right?
    Eg. ‘Self-serving shameless immature instigating jerks with no brighter prospects than a flash-in-the-pan twitter career spent dm-ing teenagers.’
    I try abi I no try?

    Like

  2. Fine. I’ll take you guys on. Leggoo!

    The three of you are so stupid that even if you were a triangle, this post would still be pointless.

    Like

  3. It also helps to use antique british/aussie swearwords in one-liners. That way, you fuck with the persons head, make them feel like shit, and STILL make ’em visit Google (technically, you school fools) eg
    “you basic bellend air-headed spawn of a cocklump pillock”

    Like

  4. Using your local language too. Especially against someone who might not know the meaning, making the person confused and dumbfounded. Like “oloribuku ma she anfani eda”

    Like

  5. See ur face, looking like an unsuccessfully recycled piece of hardware nobody at computer village can sell even at high discount

    Like

  6. Ok guys. That’s alright, We shall now converge, look through the entries and pick a winner. The winner shall be announced and contacted via the e-mail address used to comment

    We hope it’s a real one.

    Thanks for participating guys. You’re the best

    Like

  7. Awks. And you’re not dumb for mispelling Calevra? Here, take the e on my keypad so you’ll always have an e to use.

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  8. JabiPark abi na jadaBoy. Yeah, its jaba boi. I know. One has to always explain the joke to serial killers like you. Mispelling/ignoring his name was part of the diss. Same thing I did to mhagayr. But I’m just too dumb & desperate for the monopoly board, innit? Sigh. Please learn how to have fun. And by the way, I wouldn’t choose you to judge between two dead fish(es)- ahead of the awks team. Do not drag me here again.

    Like

    • Ouch…she got me. Jabi park, I see u’ve been to abuja @ least u’ve seen some civilization b4. But u need not worry cause a serial killer like me wldn’t harm a slimy rotten mutilated pussy *cat* like you.

      Like

  9. Pingback: After-Math | The Sarcastic Center

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