D.P.M.O

Yo guys,

Always a pleasure to have you guys on here. Look ehn, I’m not even going to pretend like I have a planned out post for you guys. My brain has taken a forceful break and I can’t seem to kick-start it. Anyway, I was reading through realbuzz magazine the other day and came across an article listing 7 things guys dislike that girls do and vice versa. I think I’m going to just list them out here and leave the stage for you guys to agree, disagree and more importantly add yours to the list.

Let’s start with the guys:

Things guys do that annoy girls:

Annoying male habit 1: Adjusting our private parts: I can’t even explain the origin of this ancient technique nor state why some of us men enjoy handling our member especially in public. Maybe it’s for security purposes; you know checking to see that no one has stolen your organ while you’re standing at the bus stop? The first person to do this must have been igbo tho…um yeah.

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Annoying male habit 2: Selective hearing: You know how we can ignore everything people say that does not have the words “food” and “sex” in it? Yeah that. Ladies hate it when we don’t listen. Just look, their face changes from original to something resembling the hulk

Annoying male habit 3: Leaving a trail of mess: we are men duhhhhh. Growing up, our parents made up clean up every mess, we went to schools that made us pick pieces of dirt, Now we are in our own house, can we be allowed to leave it as messy as we like? Meanwhile, its not messy if we know where everything is. We like our mess.

Annoying male habit 4: Leaving the remnants of our shaving session in the sink. So a sink is not a bathroom dustbin? My bad

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Annoying male habit 5: Man flu: hahahaha…Guys, you know that thing we do when we have “a cold” and we start shivering and lie in bed all day? You know we’re really not that sick, we are just craving hot peppersoup and some TLC. Ladies hate that because I mean, they have 9 months of pain and we are here forming dying over small constipation

Annoying male habit 6: Spending all our money on technical stuff. Lady thought process: “Why is he buying the S4 when he still has an S3? Why is he buying an LED Screen when he has an LCD?” What ladies want: “Give us that money so we can go shopping with it”

Annoying male habit 7: Leaving the toilet seat up: The troublesome toilet seat; who would have known it could cause such a fuss? Indeed, no list of men’s annoying habits is complete without the classic toilet seat argument. I don’t even understand why this is a problem. If we leave the seat down, they will complain, if we leave it up they still complain. Sometimes this is why guys find the nearest bush or street corner to dispose of their liquids. Someone should tell these ladies that a toilet seat has never killed anyone, so they should chill.

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Now let’s study these women and their OMG annoying habits:

Annoying female habit 1: Making an anniversary out of everything: “OMG did you know that today is the anniversary for our two years and seventeen days together as a couple? It’s the anniversary of our DSTVs first signal loss, let’s exchange gifts and pop champagne”. Dear God…

Annoying female habit 2: Piling the bed with cushions: Most times I don’t understand if the bed is for rest or location for fancy throw pillows and cushions. What are these things and why are they taking up all the space? I actually can sleep with just ONE pillow thank you.

Annoying female habit 3: Asking us what we’re thinking: This question is a trick question because what she’s really asking is: “Are you thinking about me right now?” If you say nothing, she’ll get hurt and say you don’t wanna share with her. If you tell her you’re thinking of how to afford the new S4, she’ll ask “am I boring you?” It’s a no-win situation. You need God’s grace

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Annoying female habit 4: Saying ‘I’m fine’, when you’re not happy: I think in some parallel universe, men are mind readers because I don’t understand why we are expected to decode the exact problems from this statement. Then she’ll give you the look that says “so you’re really going to believe I’m fine and not prod further?” See ehn, these women are a problem

Annoying female habit 5:  Using sex as a weapon: Women that do this are the devil. I mean we had an argument and then you go retrieve your pum padlock and lock it up? You don’t see us go hide all our drinks when we get angry. We do not carry the TV out of the house when we are vexed. Why mess with our basic needs so?

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Annoying female habit 6: Being over-emotional: Olivia Pope is on the screen crying (abi laughing same facial expression anyway) and you’re crying, Rihanna is smoking in her video and you’re crying, You’re tweeting and YOU. ARE. CRYING. Please how the hell are we supposed to know when you are in real pain? I mean…

Annoying female habit 7: Incessant talking: Records show that women say a total of at least 20,000 words in a day while men have 7,000. This is because we do other useful shit like play FIFA 13. It’s ok for a woman to talk, I mean, use 19,800 of your words with your friends, we will manage 200. And please pick the right times to speak not while Wayne Rooney is through on goal.

 

Piss Off

 

Do you agree guys/girls? Did I leave anything out? Please feel free to add it via the comment section, Cheers

 

 

 

 

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43 thoughts on “D.P.M.O

  1. loool.. this is tres funny.. i hardly remember anniversaries or birthdays though.. Hardly.. i love my pillows sha.. 🙂 nice post!

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  2. Lmaoooo,This is a very interesting post…..the part about guys adjusting their private parts especially in public is d worst!

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  3. annoying male habit: thinking that when I say I’m fine, I’m actually not fine and I’m waiting for you to ‘prod'(hard to believe this is an actual word).

    annoying human habit: getting annoyed because I pressed the toothpaste tube from the middle

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  4. LOL. Pfft. You have to read my mind when I say I’m fine. I don’t care how.
    I think AMH1 is the most annoying. Niggas just walk around clutching their kini. Haba.

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  5. LOL! This just made my day!
    In addition, AMH8: coming to the kitchen to steal meat/chicken or dodo while frying. I take my dodo very serious thank you.
    AMH9: Ignoring us while playing FIFA 13 (which can be for the whole day) but when we do the same when watching our favourite programs, you lament!
    AMH10: THROWING WET TOWEL AFTER USE ON THE BED. I really really hate this!

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  6. LMAO!!! I need to remind myself not to read posts on TSC at work…Lord! Spot on though, these issues can hardly be explained. I expect the scientist who comes up with solutions for half these problems would get a Nobel prize or something.

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  7. LOOOOL! The Olivia Pope’s facial expression thingy is so true!(she laughs like she’s in pain)…. As for AFH 5 , it is only right we lock shop for you guys every once in a while, make you beg and all. :-). Oh by the way, Sirkastiq, please do help us tell TheGreyGenesis and Terdoh they need to start putting up posts more often eh? Thanks.

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  8. Lool so true
    Btw when females try to cuddle, it doesn’t mean “I wanna fuck” ( ._.)
    Also, I wanna see posts from Terdoh 😦

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    • Of course it doesn’t mean that!

      Which right thinking male would think that?

      Then again which right thinking male thinks while cuddling?

      Which right thinking male cuddles?

      TERDOHHHHHH????!!!!!!

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      • Why are you all asking Terdoh for posts anyhow? Are you paying him? Don’t you know he’s too important now to be doing free stuff??? Abeg, DPMO! ¬_¬

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  9. @mimsie you are so on point joor!

    @Sarcastiq, this is absolutely hilarious. I like! I like!! I like!!!
    I’d like to know which of the habits you are a culprit of. *wink*
    Talk true o!

    Like

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