Welcome guys, here we go again right? In case you aren’t aware, It’s also Ash Wednesday. What this means is that you shouldn’t eat any form of meat, Of course you know what I’m talking about. so quit acting all confused. Ash Wednesday also marks the beginning of the Christian Lent season which lasts for 40 days. In this time, people generally give up something(s) to become better people. Let’s ignore the fact that they put these things down to pick ’em up after 40 days (if they last that long anyway) Some of us have generally decided to give up Valentine’s day for lent seeing as we are good human beings and what not.

I’m getting carried away, this isn’t why we are here. Forgive me..

As Valentine’s draws near, You’d be amazed at the number of people who “didn’t care” that become all of a sudden uptight because they do not have a “boo” It’s ok, No one wants to be the butt of jokes or the clearly revealed member of “Forever Alone.” Ladies and Gentlemen, bringing today’s post our way is the talented, full of life though very mysterious and expressive @VixenPixie or Oyin for those of us allowed to annoy her and get away with it…enjoy


Nobody knows the pain I feel
Nobody knows but it’s for real
I can feel it, I do
Nobody knows that I miss you
Nobody knows but it’s the truth
I can feel it, I do

I rushed out of my office to the bathroom to be sure that the pain that had taken hold of my stomach was not out of the fact that my crush said Hello to me. I mean if you’ve been crushing on a guy harder than a trailer over Wiz Khalifa then you’ll understand my dilemma. Getting there and doing the routine checks, the warm, moist blood that dripped out my *ahem* was a bloody reminder on how this Valentines was going to go.


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I mean, i just got the nerve to flirt with my crush, no, it’s not because its valentine or anything. No it’s not because I’m expecting a gift, or I need a gift that much. I can take care of myself very well on other days of the month, and what’s your business sef? Methinks it was just the right time to say hi.

Please keep your stupid raised eye to yourself. You don’t know me like that.

You cannot pretend that I don’t even matter
You and I know better
You’ve been away from me for too long
It’s time for you to come on home
No one can say what is right for me
They don’t have to live my life
I need for you to come on over
I’ll be waiting

He needs to realize that my love for him is what has kept him in this office. He always said in a sort of way that he didn’t know why he kept working for the company. Ehn, he didn’t tell me directly but I always heard when he mentioned it to our colleagues. He wanted me to hear it so he always said it out loud. Little does he know that he needed to see me, to smile at me for his day to go well. He doesn’t know it yet but… I must be home to him.

I am nothing without you baby
Nothing it’s driving me crazy
Nothing, no one, I’m so alone
Nothing without you baby

I mean, does he realise that I spent good money on this see through lacy top so that he would see that he is nothing without me? And he seems to look right past me, like I’m nothing and its driving me crazy. It makes everywhere colder jor. Like I’m alone in this office. Was this what Nikki Minaj felt? I mean, how did she do that shit? God, I can’t come and catch pneumonia on top this man abeg; when I’m not rose and this isn’t titanic. Help him Lord, touch his heart, Open his eyes…

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No one can see inside of me
No one can see how much I care
I need you, I do
Nobody sees the tears I cry
No one is there to dry my eyes
I need you, I do

I’ve not wanted anyone to see the inside of me except you. No, this is not sexual. It’s…literal? and I’m hiding how much I care about you, I mean see how the other people in this office are talking about that girl that you always go to lunch with, and me, I’ll be crying inside my cup of coffee hoping you will notice. Ok now. It’s not fair o. I know you need me as much as I need you so stop tripping and look this way.

I don’t care what they say about you
They don’t know how I feel for you
I don’t care what they say about me
They don’t know and they can’t see

So now that you know why I wore this today, and I’m bleeding from the nervousness of having your attention, You better know that you should not care what is said about me. I know I had an affair with the boss last month, but he won’t give me a valentines gift. You would.
Not like that’s why I’m chasing after you o. All these people don’t know and can’t see how much my loins love you. So let’s be nothing without each other. At least till the 15th of February.


I shall now proceed over to his desk, bend over in the most seductive way I can with the hope that he sees my well rounded, yellow-like-mango boobs and then I’ll ask for his penis…sorry, his pen. I’ll ask for his pen and…

OMG!!! Is he really walking towards my desk? Have the gods finally hearkened to my cry?

He’s coming here…He’s holding flowers…

Yes, I’m surely going to faint now. Wait, let me arrange myself and save this memory *exhales* breathe, breathe…

“Hi, your name is Somi right?”

“*giggles* it’s Bolanle, but my real close friends call me Somi..” *giggles*

“Oh my bad, Bolanle…Just a quick one; Are these Roses real? Like I got them to surprise my girlfriend, you know seeing as its valentines and all but I can’t vouch for their authenticity. I’d have asked Funmi but she’s off duty today…Is that blood near your leg”

Dear God, Thanks for the reminder.


Tune used: Brandy’s “Nothing”

Isn’t @VixenPixie just brilliant? Thank you so much dear...Have you ever been in such a.. Do you know a friend that has been in such a situation? Where things didn’t go according to plan and they ended up feeling even more foolish because of things they did/didn’t say? Please do share your their experience(s) with us in the comment box.


19 thoughts on “Nothing.

  1. LMAO!!!! Got loads of experiences buh leme share one real quick.
    I was in JS2 and I had a crush on my senior in SS3 (I no dey fear, I know). Senior Dimeji, very tall, dark and handsome *sigh* The junior block was opposite the senior block. It was during short break, I peeped out the window of my class as usual, to see if I could see my crush and lo and behold, he was outside his block with some of his friends.
    I thought to myself, good opportunity, lemme go down and walk past them….maybe they’ll call me to ask why I wasn’t in class or something. And then, I’ll gaze into my crush’s eyes and die happily.
    So I went to the class toilet (every class had its own toilet) applied my lipgloss and patted my hair then headed downstairs. I was so happy I was wearing my school shoes with little heels.
    Like I said, JS block was opposite SS block, JS2 classes were on the 1st floor…the staircase was facing where my crush and his friends were standing.
    So I started coming down the stairs majestically and all of a sudden, I missed a step and came tumbling down the stairs! All the way to the bottom! When I landed at the end of the stairs, my uniform was up, showing my panties…and my beloved crush and his friends were laughing loudly at me 😦 before they mumbled sorry…..I couldn’t control my tears as I ran back up ro my class.
    Avoided my crush till he graduated.


  2. My friend … clears throat…. had a crush on this guy who was sort of in her circle of friends. After months of subtle hinting and flirting, she worked up the nerve to just tell him and be done with it. The guy was slow sha……..We thought ” what was the worst that could happen” .
    So she was gonna ask him out at this party we were at. She waited for him to arrive, when he finally showed up he came with a friend of his who happened to be an old fling of hers. We are not sure what it was but the old fling rushed to give her a hug and almost knocked her over. As if that wasn’t enough he didn’t leave her side all evening and was bent on following her home. My dear friend stayed till the end of the party hoping to have a few mins with her crush. Only for him (the chrushee) to walk over and say in a crooked sexy smile ” shey you will give my boy a ride home? where ever he may call home tonight”. All she could muster was a slight smile.
    Watching from the side lines …….lol …….We later went out and got smashed. We are not sure how the c**k-blocker got to where ever he was going that night sha.


  3. Help him Lord, touch his heart, Open his eyes… LOL!!! Loved the post, totally!

    Here’s my bit – totally the opposite though:
    Back in uni I had a crush on this guy. We belonged to the same social circles and ran projects and stuff together but I could never bring myself to show my feelings. Fast forward a couple of months to Valentine’s day – as a baker (you wan try independent woman?) I spent it selling cupcakes, full cakes and perfumes in lecture halls during the day and making deliveries later that night in hostels. I was so tired at the end of the day that I ignored all parties and went up to my room to crash. Not long after was a knock on the door and guess who was at the door? My crush of life! He was just “passing by” to say hello – how convenient! We spent the rest of the night eating cake and getting to know ourselves better… the rest, my friends, is history! 😀
    We’re still good friends… which reminds me – I should send him a “happy anniversary” ping! 😉


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