Mechanic Blue

Hey Guys, Today we continue our series with the voice of one who has it all but yet seemingly doesn’t realize his place or something like that.

Ladies and Gentlemen…representing “Mechanic Blue,” …

@NickFish3r

*****

*PAUSES BLUE FILM*

I swear if you have not watched Yoruba blue film before you should die by a coward’s sword. Someone like Theon Greyjoy I reckon.

YE! OOOSS! AAASS! AYE MI O!! ON TA MI O!!! MO KU O!! IYA MI O!! OLORIBUU!! IYA E!!! YE FISI FUNMII, AYAAA

Even though my Yoruba brethren are normally loud, the way this Usman BuranGiraffe, the northern actor who had his 16 inch phallus inside Bukola Orobokibo’s genitals was pumping her with a straight face is quite amusing. This is making Bukola louder than your average.

As I write this, I can’t help but stare at this niggas straight face and the sharp contrast that is on Bukola’s face. Usman is in his no arms stance, arms akimbo with a straight face ramming her from behind. Orobokibo it seems I paused mid moan, has a mixture of pain & joy plastered on her face and her mouth so wide ajar I can see the entrance to her gut. She was in the middle of screaming ‘AYAMATANGAAAAAA!!!’ when I hit pause.

I know because that’s what she screams anytime she’s cummin’. You lot are missing.

I wasn’t born with a silver spoon, Platinum will be more like it. I mean, it’s not my fault that my family happens to own the whole of Victoria Island & Lekki. My dad became king in these parts before I was born so you can call me a true blue blood. All I have known all my life has been sheer splendor so it’s not my fault really that I’m spoilt. Heard in the news a few days ago some piece of crap info about a 96 year old man who impregnated a teenage girl being the oldest father in the world.

*blank stare*

Let me tell you something about my grandfather, the late Ajanaku Olokonla Alainikanse Adoboyaro II. He had his last child at the ripe age of 108. Ajanaku lived till he was 145 before he decided to give up the ghost. Baba had 104 wives and 128 children so naturally we colonised our environment. If you’re from the same local government as I, your descendants were our slaves. Thank God for civilization, maybe they would’ve have given you to me as a birthday gift or something. My milkshake brings more of everything good to the yard.

I remember one time I was with my boy Slim T in Mushin. Yes, I don’t have any friends on the island. They’re all boti and I cannot be associated with anyone who cannot eat fufu with both hands. Anyway, I was with Slim T when two area boys wanted to collect the bag of igbo I was carrying so carelessly.

Fi ahon wa ka eyin e oh! Mo ti so fun e” [Use your tongue to count your teeth! I’ve told you!] I told them in fluent Yoruba. They couldn’t believe I just spoke in their agbero tongue, so I added a little more for spice.

Ma je kin pea won baba e lati saare won!” [Don’t let me call your fathers from the grave!]

Apparently, this was the stubborn breed, so they still tried to collect my weed. Wo! I beat them properly. E mi? Son of the soil gan gan! From that day they started respecting me. Eni ti won kin fi sere [He who is not to be messed with]. I even started giving them girls. I should have been collecting tribute.

Yeah, did you guys hear about what happened to that big headed Bonaventure boy at the Headies? He fell while performing one of his hit singles. That was my doing. He fucked up real bad and if he doesn’t come and apologise I will make sure that he will always fall on every stage around the country. I mean, I introduced him to my babes, (the ones I usually have ménage et quartre with) Funke Adekunle, Dolapo and Yetunde and he went ahead to use them to sing?

Imagine Bonaventure actually said: “Funke Adekunle, Dolapo & Yetunde; rain rain go away, me and the gal dem want to play…”

My own Dolapo that I will not even allow mosquito to see because her booty is a ghen ghen that head master wants to play with after rain has gone. Burna, may you continue to fall like the Niagra!

Then I heard that Toto Decay was claiming responsibility for his fall at the Headies. See your life Bona? Abana that awon boys don’t even gbensh anymore because well, the toto eyav decay. Real niggies like myself and I always stop at the blowjobs. She now used that same mouth to insult you. Serves you right! Next time you will not use my girls’ names in any of your songs!

I’m a dirty man people. Again not my fault, blame that on one of the royal maids we had when I was seven. First time I saw pubic hair, it was hers. I was going to ease myself during breakfast one morning when I heard a noise from one of the bathrooms so I went to investigate. I opened the shower curtain and saw Shukura, bathing bowl in hand, stark naked. My eyes went down to her nether region and I saw hair there.

THE ABSOLUTE SHOCK!

I went to mother and reported that we had a witch living amongst us but she didn’t do anything but scold me. Shukura however had other plans, I mean no man born of woman was to ever see her naked without her gbenshing the nonsense outta the nigga. Every day afterwards for the next 3 years we had sex. Shukky baby taught me all the tricks in the book. It’s not my fault, true. You should pity me. God bless Shukura’s soul though, she added me on Facebook yesterday. 😀

So up BLUES!!!

Yep, I am a Chelsea and Manchester City fan. Not cos I care about football or anything sports related but for the fact that they have money. I mean, I’m talking on some Omo Baba Olowo (O.B.O) P right here. When Baba Olowo Abraham bought Chelsea in 2002 I knew I had found a club which I would support religiously till the next money bag comes along. Then Mansour took over at the noisy end of Manchester… Two things I love.

Noise and money; added to the fact that my family is very much like Mansour’s made me very happy and reaffirmed that blue is the true color of money. Fuck the green American dollar.

Sorry guys, my manners fail me sometimes, I forgot to introduce myself at the beginning of the post. My name is Larry Olokonla Alaininkanse Sushey, & I am immortal.

*PRESSES PLAY*

MA-TAN-GAAAAAHHH!!!

*****

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About Terdoh

Gone insane...will not be home for dinner.

19 thoughts on “Mechanic Blue

  1. Sushey haff crase finish oh! I started laughing from *pauses blue film* Yoruba blue film, seriously?! LOOOL! You need serious help. And Bonaventure?! And funke and co? LOOOL! You need help.

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