The glass: Full or Empty?

Hey guys, Welcome to today’s edition of #perSPECTIVES and what is actually the penultimate barrage of posts. From the intro post, you would remember that we promised a special post from a guest. Not originally listed on the poster because i feared for his ability to deliver, Not because he’s not able but because he’s the best person to write on this topic. I however couldn’t vouch for his sobrierity. As the good Lord will have it, he came through just in time.

Ladies and Gentlemen, sober up for what promises to be an interesting read written by my brother Victor aka @The_daywalker_

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*walks into crowded audiotorium clutching two bottles covered in black polythene bags. Places both on the table and turns to face the waiting crowd*

I assure you, I wasn’t chased here neither did i stagger in. I came in here of my own volition and by myself. Don’t give me those strange looks or you’ll turn to stone. *clears throat* Is the glass half full or half empty? That is the question I have been asked to answer today. Many before me have tried (and failed) to solve this riddle. Psychologists, philosphers, stonemasons and even pastors have proferred different answers to this one question.

Many believe it to be a function of one’s outlook in life, suggesting that those who see the glass as half full are optimists while those who see it as half empty are pessimists doomed to a life of misery and emptiness. Ladies and gentlemen, ho’s and tokunbos, I am here to tell you that you have been misinformed.

*Tokunbo tears*

 

*pauses for dramatic effect*

No drama? Oh ok… -__-

When my friend Saka asked me to solve this mystery I was scared of the task. I wondered how I, a lowly mortal would answer the greatest question of all time. As I always do when confronted with dauting tasks I bought a ticket to my personal nirvana, boarded and flew high above the thoughts of simpletons to a place of clarity and wisdom. Once I arrived there I was welcomed by those who had gone before me, the mayor of Nirvana, the great Charlie Sheen

Other Members of the council include Lady Amy Winehouse, Lady Lana Del Rey, Sir Frank Ocean, Lord Terry G and the chief Security Office of Nirvana…Yoda. If you wonder what all these greats have in common then permit me to say that you need to get high on the spirit more, yeah so ber that in mind.

As I sat down in their midst a bottle of the elixir of wisdom (also known as Jack Daniels) was opened and we all drank deepiuyly #PAUSE. What the fuck is ‘deepiuly?’..You’re high abi?  I spoke of the question to which I sought an answer to and immediately the company became silent. Finally the wise Sage Sheen spoke up: “To answer this question you must fist understand the origin of the question. Let me tell you a story.”

A long long time ago in a galaxy far far away there was a terrible battle being fought between good and evil. The forces of light were a sovereign nation of dark-skinned people known as the Whiskels of Tennessee. The dark forces on the other hand were made up of two nations; the blonde people of the Beervarian tribe and the albinos of Vodkerian race.

The forces of good fought bravely to spread the Kingdom of the light and truth but time after time they were beaten back by the dark co-allition until the birth of the chosen one, a man Jackson Danielson. Trained by the Jedi Knight Jim Beanie, young Jack grew stronger and until his powers matched those of the Dark Lords Sir Roc and his albino bride Dame Stella Artois.

The battle finally came to a head in the middle glasslands where both sides had been struggling for supremacy for millions of years.

At this point I stared at the great elders before me, hoping that they’d finally explain the answer to the question I had brought to them. It was then that the great Jedi master Yoda spoke up.

“Young padwan. Answer you seek very confusing. It matters not the fullness of the glass but the contents therein. What side you stand you must choose today for the battle wages on even as we speak.”

It was that moment that I finally understood. I stand here today bringing you the message of the great Captain Jack Danielson, the message of hope and of truth. Choose your sides carefully for the battle rages on still.

*takes off polythene bags from both bottles to reveal a bottle of Jack Daniels and a bottle of Ciroc. Walks away holding a bottle of Jack Daniels*

The End.

PSYCHE!

So you read all this way and actually believed that this was the end of the tale? Do you even know or remember the topic we are discussing here? DO YOU? Oh! so you are satisfied with this explanation I  just gave, right? Is the glass half full or half empty? Why on earth would you bother about the content of a flimsy glass when you can have the whole darn bottle? I mean, I can’t for the life of me understand it. You guys stay arguing and debating over a stupid glass when you can walk away with the bottle? What is really wrong with you?

i mean…

I came with my bottles,I can’t be bothered with your glass. The grand masters have spoken and twice i have heard  (though I’m not sure if it’s just words ringing in my ear). I really don’t care what you guys do with your glass, Just let me have the bottle when you’re done.

The End.

Yes, The End this time.

I mean it you fucktards.

DPMO!

GTFO!

DEFPMORN!

LOL!

Oh…you may want to check back again by 4pm.

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19 thoughts on “The glass: Full or Empty?

  1. But then, the bottle at a certain point brings up the same question, half filled or half empty?
    Do we then search for the cask it sat in? And after the conundrum rises yet again, search for the fucking distillery?

    Thou hast failed, Sir Daywalker!

    Like

    1. Have a drink, a coke, and a smile, and understand that nobody cares about the size of the bottle/glass, or how much space is/isn’t left in it, but what the content is, and how quickly it can be downed.

      Amen.

      Like

  2. I am reading this ish in a bus and by the looks dis peeps be giving me and d distance now getting wider btw me n d closest passenger I can safely conclude that they all tink I am maht gaan, love dis mawn, eff the half full or half empty fact is if it contains liquor they aint gonna be nothing in there to discuss bout period!! … Erm sorry ladies not ur period.

    Like

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