Hey people, Welcome to today’s post. You know it’s actually heart warming to know that you are still here keeping up with the brain teasing and shit going on in these parts. Good stuff. We do hope we are succeeding at the plan we had which we aren’t sure of anymore but yeah…So you know those stories that you hear/read that are full of lots of balderdash and hullabaloo that end up being much ado about nothing? The ones that make you wanna choke the living daylights out of the one sharing it with you? Well, I’m not exactly saying this is one of such but yeah…It was written by @Cumical. Do the math…
Everyone knows the joke format “What did the blind man say to the deaf man?” right?
And everyone’s answer is the same. “It doesn’t matter because he’s a deaf man, and he can’t hear anything!” and you all burst out laughing like jackals that had caffeinated coffee.
The truth is some of you did not even allow your brains attempt to process whether this is actually possible or not. Y’all are just lazy AF. But yeah, I guess that’s why I’m here. Oh by the way, did you know that Beethoven was deaf?
This is common knowledge, but in case you didn’t know, when you lose one sense, all your other senses have a general meeting like mourning relatives, and divide the loot left, so in a way, your other senses become ‘richer’. In other words, when you are reduced from 6 senses to 5 senses, the 5 senses become more acute. For example, if you lose your sense of smell, your sense of sight probably becomes more acute, and if you lose your sense of sight, your senses of sound and touch become more acute, and if you lose your sense of humour, you become an absolute moron.
But let’s not dwell on Tweet[Computer Program]
Anyway, like I was trying to stress, the loss of one sense is of great advantage to all the other senses.
I shall begin with a preposterous story.
What? I’m a great story teller. Just watch this:
There was once this dude, we’ll call him Abacha. And he was close friends with this other dude, we’ll call him Jonathan. Now let’s establish a few rules before we begin;
• Abacha > Blind
• Jonathan > Deaf
• Abacha > Married
• Jonathan > Perverted.
Jonathan and Abacha go way back. Abacha used to steal Jonathan’s babes cos he was way cooler with the Aviators™ and what not. And Jonathan used to swear that he would get Abacha back but karma was seemingly absent. However, one day during a Charley Boy/Muma Gee concert, Abacha went blind. In the same concert, Jonathan went deaf. Even though Abe was blind, the girls still flocked around him. However, Jonathan saw Abe’s blindness as his chance. Sometimes when they were alone, Jonathan would load his penis with whipped cream and tell Abacha it was ice cream on a cone. And unsuspecting Abacha would…you know…have some ice cream.
In my defence, I did say the story was preposterous.
Hey, anybody noticed how I manage to slip something gay into everything I write? This should be a warning for those of you who want me to feature.
All this was not enough for Jonathan. The infrequent facials he gave Abacha weren’t quite cutting it. Abacha however, continued to score with the ladies like a unisex football match. In time, he decided to marry one of his hoes.
Now this is where the trouble began for Abe, and this is where Joe found himself lucky. Cos Abacha’s wife was fine as fuck yo. But the thing about fine girls is, they’ve usually been around a lot of guys, so they’ve had loads of variety. (Pro tip, if you’re about to…you know…procreate…with a fine girl, stock up on Viagra).
Abe wasn’t giving it good to her. Most times during coitus, he would squeeze what he assumed was her breast, and they would have to replace the feather pillow, other times, he would almost poke her eye out when he wanted to get some head. After a while, it also got boring cos he wasn’t learning any new moves. He wasn’t a very imaginative fella (I mean, it’s Abacha we’re talking about here. He wasn’t the sharpest pen in the pack). So it was the same old same old and frankly, the mind has not being so perverted as to conceive porn in Braille.
There’s a business idea. These ideas just come off the top like convertibles.
So what does the wife do? She talks to the only person who knows how to talk to Abe; Joe. She starts confiding in him, (via DMs on twitter of course, cos Jonathan is deaf) telling him about her travails, and what she’s experiencing with him, his fits of anger, his terrible aim with the shaft, and mostly, her sexual frustration. Joe becomes her confidant.
As expected, Joe and Abe’s wife become really tight, and he goes from being a source of comfort and support to a source of pleasure. He begins to suggest that he show her how a real G puts it down; a true man of the soil. Of course, a hoe is a hoe. She spread her legs faster than a new inmate could say “Please don’t rape me in the butt”.
Long story short (even though it’s a little late for that), they start having an affair, and banging up the place and Lucky Joe beats it up better than a drummer from Congo Get it? Also, because he’s not hearing shit, he’s not listening for fake moans or cries to deities, so she doesn’t have to fake it. However, as all flings involving hoes and deaf men, one day, they’re caught.
Abacha saunters in one day after a meeting with IMF and catches them. Of course he can’t see anything so he thinks it’s his wife watching porn again. But then they’re his wife’s moans. So he concludes that she’s cleaning out the pipes. Then, he smells sex in the air.
Hollup! You do know that you can smell sex right? I remember one time when…wait. Yes, the story…
Here’s what happened next:
– Jonathan didn’t hear him walk in.
– Wife loses her voice in shock.
– Jonathan keeps pounding.
– At this point, we have a blind, a deaf and a mute person.
– Wife climaxes from excitement, Jonathan climaxes from wife’s climax
– Loads of grunting
– Abacha figures out what’s going on, pulls out a gun and shoots in the direction of the sounds
– Narrowly misses Jonathan, but pops his wife in the head
– Jonathan runs for his life.
At this point, Abacha is screaming obscenities off the top of his lungs, and guess what? Jonathan knows what he’s saying. Why? He can see him speak. Yes people, all of a sudden, Joe can fucking read lips.
Heightened sense of things…
What did the blind man say to the deaf man?
“GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY HOUSE!!”
Editor’s note: You may interpret this post however you want. I am not responsible for what you read. After all, it’s your perSPECTIVE.