People of TSC, i bid thee welcome to walls of this great house of humor. The biggest in all the land of the Interwebs. Matter at hand deserves utmost attention hence we shall not hold tongue any further. We shall set hand to purpose to bring understanding to all who cast glance upon this matter. Without much ado and with beauty rivaled only by brightness of light beacons, People, welcome the most adorable lady you will ever meet @CeCeNoStockings.
Welcome to today’s class, or whatever you deem this to be. Now take a GOOD look at the picture above. What do you see? OK. How many ‘beings’ can you count? (not arrows) You see just three? Not four? Ok. I shall get back to this. Hold that answer…
This question “which came first: the chicken or the egg?” is a topic of epic proportions. Deliberation on this matter have been ongoing since the days of our Lord when the disciples couldn’t decide what they wanted to accompany the bread at the Last supper. Eventually, they settled for just bread and wine. Please when i use the word “came” I do not mean the feeling of explosive nature you experience when you get to the zenith of sizzling sex. As a matter of fact, i know nothing of such matters. ‘Came’ as used in this context represents precedence in the order of arrival…
Have you ever eaten an egg? I mean, have you at one point or the other actually eaten a perfectly cooked egg? That sunny-side up egg with the perfect yolk consistency, golden and not too runny. Or maybe a hard boiled egg you took your time nibbling on? You certainly can’t deny that amazing feeling inside you when you’re enjoying a perfectly poached egg, or an omelette with bits and pieces of those little things you love. Eggs are amazing. Awesome, even. So awesome in fact, that you KNOW they couldn’t have just come from nowhere.
This is why the question actually upsets me a lot. How could the chicken possibly have come AFTER the egg? I mean! How?!
A little history lesson.
I’m sure you remember the story of creation, don’t you? On the fifth day, God created the creatures of the sea and the birds of the air. He went on to bless his creations telling them to “be fruitful and multiply”. I don’t know about you, but I’ve read the creation story thousands of times and I didn’t see nothing about God creating no eggs. Nahm sayin’? There was nothing in there about creating eggs, or little adorable baby animals. He didn’t need to because he created the birds, and every other creature, ready to reproduce.
Not buying it?
Okay, here’s what we’re gonna do. I want you to think of an egg as an orgasm. Go on! You can do it. Really, it’s not that hard.(all puns intended) Do you just sit down and spontaneously have an orgasm before you now decide to have sex? No, you don’t. It’s the same way an egg doesn’t just happen. Don’t you think there had to be a chicken there to hatch the egg in the first place? Please don’t start thinking about self-pleasure because i know that some of you want to raise that point now. People that think like this are chickens and cum first.
There will be those who will try to convince you that reptiles somehow managed to lay the egg the first chicken emerged from. They will spew all sorts of rubbish about adaptation and what-not. When these people come along, you are to silently shake your head at them and pat them on the shoulder. Why? Because you ought to know better, and, thanks to me, now you do. But I’d have loved to have seen that. Can you imagine an alligator laying a chicken egg? Can you imagine a little tiny Chicken egg next to an Alligator egg? How about an alligator, or any other reptile for that matter, watching a chicken emerge from one of their eggs? You know, that doesn’t even make sense. Because reptile bury their eggs in earth and wait for them to hatch. And we’ve already established that a chicken egg needs a hen to sit on it for it to hatch.
I think it would even make more sense if they tried to sell the whole dinosaur story. A dinosaur somehow “evolving” into a chicken is somewhat more believable if you buy that sort of thing. But, even then, the dinosaur will FIRST have to become a chicken before laying a chicken egg. Some others might try to confuse you by asking if a chicken egg is an egg laid by a chicken or an egg carrying a chicken embryo. These confused set of humans will tell you the egg had to come first if it is defined as “an egg carrying a chicken embryo”. But where did the chicken embryo come from then? Because it sure as hell didn’t put itself in there.
Need more proof?
A group of know-it-alls from England and the land of the Scott were messing around with a “supercomputer”, doing only God knows what. They somehow managed to “discover” that a vital protein used to kick-start the formation of an egg can only be found in a CHICKEN.
That’s right, the same people who tried so hard to convince you the egg came first are back with their tails between their legs trying to save face. Talmbout how they examined the protein closely and realised it actually controls the process. Nigguh, please! Fall all the way back with your BS excuses!
To set this issue at rest and to bring it to a definite conclusion with evidence that can neither be faulted, contested nor questioned in any court, tribunal, beer parlor , salon or viewing center, i present my final evidence on the matter. This is the final word.
Oh, i know i said “this is the final word” but yeah, one more final word. Remember the picture at the beginning of the post. Look at it again. Do you still see three ‘beings?’ Hmm…Look at the chick, can you see the egg it is shitting? Any further questions? Bye.