The time has come, once again, for all super heroes to come together and have a head count. I don’t have to go into the closet anymore since I came out on the 31st, but the others do. And I can’t pass out on that amount of fun, so fuck it! Imma be in there like my daddy’s will.
Wait…I have no daddy.
Actually, I think I have two.
Anyway, I’m just going in there to watch, because everyone has a partner but me. Flash isn’t here, he’s still in the future. I wonder if he’s ever coming back. It’s been two weeks now. It’s not like it’s supposed to be a vacation or something.
The bad thing about running to the future is that it always changes when he comes back. Because he doesn’t make the same mistakes he made, and he makes better decisions. Now, as this may be good for him, it’s not exactly awesome for the rest of us that this paradox affects.
Ah fuck it, we’re all gonna die anyway.
I look at my GL Limited Edition holographic watch that I won at the Suck-A-Dick Get-A-Souvenir fair we at Green Lantern HQ had last summer, and it’s almost time for the orgy, so I rush to get into the closet before Supe seals it shut.
While the other ‘role models’ take positions and start getting their freak on, I recline on the bean chair and flip open my camcorder.
What? You really think I would let moments of super great sex like this pass me by without having memories for future generations to see? Bitch please…
With the camera on an oval slab floating in mid-air powered by my ring, I flip open the pages of Playboy (Homo Edition) and close my eyes. A steam of green smoke puffs out of my ring and a giant lubricated hand forms from the mist.
While the pages flip through and I pause at the center-piece to marvel at the beauty within, I hear a small vibration coming from behind me. We all hear it. And everybody pauses for a minute. We’ve all heard that sound before. That’s the sound that Flash makes when he’s vibrating his body molecules so he can walk through walls whenever….
FLASH IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HOLY FREAKING SHIT THIS BASTARD CAME BACK!
The other super heroes just return about their normal business like ain’t nothing happened, but shit, I’ve missed this fast talking bitch. I try to hug him, but my erection is in the way. Then he smiles, reaches over, and I start cumming.
He says he wants to give me some good news, so I put on pants and walk out of the closet holding hands with him.
“I went to the future”
“I thought you were saying stuff we already knew, so I decided to join in”
“Nigga shut the fuck up and listen to me. Look, these times aren’t really great for us faggots. People haven’t accepted us the way they’re supposed to. You still get tomatoes and shit thrown at you on the street…”
I made a face.
“I didn’t mean that literally dawg. Anyway, I’m trying to say people won’t appreciate you right now. Their mindset isn’t ready for this, they are still too myopic to understand that it’s not really your fault that you like it up the ass so much.”
“Okay, so what do you suggest we do?”
“Run away with me”
“Bitch, this isn’t Titanic.”
“I’m serious. Come with me to the future. You should see the way you’re treated in 2184. You’re a freaking Super Hero!”
“I’m a freaking super hero now man!”
“Yeah, but there, you’re treated with respect. Trust me man, we’re better off there. I can even come out the closet with you”
“How do you suggest we do that? I can’t fly as fast as you can run”
“Don’t be dumb. I’ll carry you as easily as you could carry the Empire State Building in a fit of anger”
“Fine. I’ll go with you…
“But wait. Is this why you’ve not come back since forever? You’ve been having fun with me?”
“In my defense, futuristic you is very good. He taught me this thing called the Cop’s Delight. We should try it sometime”
“Yeah, whatever hoe”.
And with that, I get on his back and we ride off into the sunset.