So, I may or may not have been watching an ensuing argument in the upville house of the Big Brother Stargame last sunday when my interest was piqued by the Particular Topic the housemates were yapping about.
In an intense fight. With your Partner. In a Committed relationship. Is it Okay. To hit, or not to Hit.
This Argument tickled me silly because:
1) Of all issues to discuss (like How to achieve World Peace, What to do about Global warming, The Glory & beauty of Plantain & egg sauce etc.) these folk gave Preeminence to THAT issue.
2) Everything tickles me Silly (//?\\)
3) The Argument made me remember Teejay’s Relationship. You’ll understand why in a bit.
*editors sidebar: Just incase you don’t know, this is the point where you get your duvet and turn up your room heater*
Back then in school, i had a rented apartment off Campus. In my Compound alone there were close to 7 other apartments (BQ inclusive), all being Occupied by Students. Different Calibres of Human Beings: Males, Females … Then Teejay & His Girlfriend.
The Reason why I know that in Love, the Answer to that “To hit Or Not to Hit” question is very Dynamic is because I, along with the other tenants, were witnesses for almost a Year to the Freak show that was Teejay’s Relationship.
The First time we had cause to be alarmed about the new couple that just moved in to the BQ was when we were all rudely awakened one Night by Screams and Sounds of Objects breaking. We Rushed out, barely dressed, thinking the Compound was under siege by Mutant Armed Robbers or something.
It was Not.
In front of the BQ, we found Teejay Kneeling down while his screaming Girlfriend was tugging at his tee shirt, half pulling him through the Gravel on his knees.
To Start with, Teejay was not a Small Man. You know Flo ryda? The Musician? That’s EXACTLY how Teejay’s Physique was. Beard and all. And his Girlfriend had the Stature of MoCheddar.
So we, the Tenants, could not understand how the feck this Scene was happening. I mean, with the Laws of Physics being the Laws of physics …
Apparently, the Girl was helping Teejay understand that he Simply Should not be seen holding hands with other girls in Public, we came to find out.
We separated the Fight. They calmed down. We all went back to sleep.
Little did we know That was the Most Domestic Squabble they would ever have. (That We knew of)
There was that one time we all came back from school and Discovered that Teejay had Padlocked the Central Compound Gate with HIS own Padlock and refused to allow us in because he suspected that his Babe was in their apartment with another man, and he was waiting for them to open the door.
She wasn’t. But Teejay had been abused for so long, he was starting to see things.
That’s when we started to realize maybe we ought to report happenings to the Landlord. We were coming to understand that Teejay and his Mate seemed to want us to waste our house rent money with their behaviour.
Or the Other time the babe burnt most of Teejay’s Clothing in a Mini-bonfire in the centre of the Compound.
Or the Countless Nights we’d hear Teejay’s Weeping floating through our windows on the wind.
Anyway, after having witnessed so many of these Nollywood-like incidences most of us became used to the dramatic couple’s incessant public linen washing, drying & ironing and we carried on life as usual.
Until the day Teejay asked his Girlfriend to Move Out.
We all had to Rush out again because we thought Either an Earthquake was Happening, Or a small Bomb had been Lobbed into our Compound without our Permission.
Broken Bottles Everywhere, The Babe had thrown Virtually all Teejay’s Electronics & Appliances outside their BQ.
The things we heard that day about the Screaming Couple from the Screaming Couple ehn?
They blamed each other for EVERYTHING. Their Bad Sex life, Teejay’s Carry overs, the Babe’s inability to gain admission to school, Teejay’s Addictions, the Babe’s family history
*Stop! Grey you’re killing me. buahahaha* the fact Teejay had no Car, the babe’s inability to have an Orgasm … EVERYTHING.
After a long while of Throwing things in this version and Both their Voices were hoarse with Screaming, Teejay said something he Perhaps should not have said at the Moment.
“Pack Your Things And Go Or So help me God, I WILL SLAP YOU!”
This was New to us all. Even to Teejay. The ensuing Silence was deafening as Observers and Fighters all individually tried to Process this unusual Twist in the now familiar Plot we were accustomed to.
Then Suddenly, as if her Batteries had just Recharged, the girl’s voice went into Chipmunk mode.
I imagined she screamed something that sounded like “EHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!!! SO YOU WANT TO SLAP ME ABI?” While clapping and going forward to grab Teejay by the neck.
We had never known Teejay to be Violent so What happened Next was so XQSP%GXZBYTPLQXYZ!!!! (//_\\)
The Slap landed Smack on the Middle of the Babe’s forehead even as she was screaming “SHEBI IT’S SLAP YOU WANT TO SLAP… YOU MUST SLAP THAT SLAP TODAY OR YOU’RE A BASTAR— ”
*editors sidebar: LMAO!!! reminds me of the now famous DKB slap..oh, i’m sorry carry on Grey…*
The Silence Again was Overwhelming.
In that brief Period of that Second Silence Teejay surprised us all again and the Girl even More with a Second well timed Backhand that sounded like a terminal Punctuation.
All of us Witnesses Gasped out a Collective “AAH!” …
The Babe, now seemingly slightly Crazed started laughing Softly.
Then She Promised Teejay he was going to Regret this incident.
Then Teejay screamed about how she could do nothing.
We Separated them at this Point and the Girl left the Compound promising death and Doom and Problems.
It was later that evening the Police Van Came. I learnt they Packed along some Observers too along with Teejay in the back of the Police Van en route the Station to explain their Versions of what they witnessed. :’)
Of course, yours Truly serves a Living God. I was not among those Unfortunate Observers as I was in school at the moment.
That was then. Learnt quite recently that Teejay and the Girl have now done their introductions and are getting married sometime this year.
So, the “To Hit Or Not To Hit” Question depends on the Relationship. But Generally, life (being life) does not Permit Males to Physically Treat the Fuck up(s) of Females. Unfair, you Guys say? They can Verbally beat you up, you Guys say? Well, learn how to Verbally fight Tai-Chi too & See if that don’t make a Difference. Just don’t Overdo it. So the Missus don’t go learning ACTUAL Tai-chi. ‘Cause if all you’ve got is your Verbal Attacks, & she Knows Tai-chi, She’s Gonn’ FACK you Up.
Guys, if you enjoy being hit, by all means … Buy her a Whip even. But Do Not Hit a Lady. Please.
Unless She hits your Mother (First).
Or your Mother hit her and your Mom ain’t know she Knows Tai chi. And she Murks your Ma all over the Kitchen floor.
…Or Unless you’re Teejay 🙂
To God Be The Glory
Look i’m not even about to start another debate on here as to whether slaps, hits and all that shi-bang are good or bad. We just tell Cool stories here. So yeah…this is where you go to the comment box and stroke our ego with your comments. and if you write shit like “Cool story” I swear, i’ll find you and hit you.
sidebar: All Stories are completely the Intellectual property of TheGreyGenesis. All pictures, and sidebars are my googled property. Thanks.