To Hit or Not

So, I may or may not have been watching an ensuing argument in the upville house of the Big Brother Stargame last sunday when my interest was piqued by the Particular Topic the housemates were yapping about.

In an intense fight. With your Partner. In a Committed relationship. Is it Okay. To hit, or not to Hit.

This Argument tickled me silly because:
1) Of all issues to discuss (like How to achieve World Peace, What to do about Global warming, The Glory & beauty of Plantain & egg sauce etc.) these folk gave Preeminence to THAT issue.

2) Everything tickles me Silly (//?\\)

3) The Argument made me remember Teejay’s Relationship. You’ll understand why in a bit.

Well, we hope to answer at the end, atink…

*editors sidebar: Just incase you don’t know, this is the point where you get your duvet and turn up your room heater*

Back then in school, i had a rented apartment off Campus. In my Compound alone there were close to 7 other apartments (BQ inclusive), all being Occupied by Students. Different Calibres of Human Beings: Males, Females … Then Teejay & His Girlfriend.

The Reason why I know that in Love, the Answer to that “To hit Or Not to Hit” question is very Dynamic is because I, along with the other tenants, were witnesses for almost a Year to the Freak show that was Teejay’s Relationship.

The First time we had cause to be alarmed about the new couple that just moved in to the BQ was when we were all rudely awakened one Night by Screams and Sounds of Objects breaking. We Rushed out, barely dressed, thinking the Compound was under siege by Mutant Armed Robbers or something.

It was Not.

In front of the BQ, we found Teejay Kneeling down while his screaming Girlfriend was tugging at his tee shirt, half pulling him through the Gravel on his knees.

To Start with, Teejay was not a Small Man. You know Flo ryda? The Musician? That’s EXACTLY how Teejay’s Physique was. Beard and all. And his Girlfriend had the Stature of MoCheddar.

Mo’ cheddah.. -___-
Flo-rida 😀

So we, the Tenants, could not understand how the feck this Scene was happening. I mean, with the Laws of Physics being the Laws of physics …

Apparently, the Girl was helping Teejay understand that he Simply Should not be seen holding hands with other girls in Public, we came to find out.

We separated the Fight. They calmed down. We all went back to sleep.

Little did we know That was the Most Domestic Squabble they would ever have. (That We knew of)

There was that one time we all came back from school and Discovered that Teejay had Padlocked the Central Compound Gate with HIS own Padlock and refused to allow us in because he suspected that his Babe was in their apartment with another man, and he was waiting for them to open the door.

She wasn’t. But Teejay had been abused for so long, he was starting to see things.

That’s when we started to realize maybe we ought to report happenings to the Landlord. We were coming to understand that Teejay and his Mate seemed to want us to waste our house rent money with their behaviour.

Or the Other time the babe burnt most of Teejay’s Clothing in a Mini-bonfire in the centre of the Compound.

Or the Countless Nights we’d hear Teejay’s Weeping floating through our windows on the wind.

Is it until she kills me?

Anyway, after having witnessed so many of these Nollywood-like incidences most of us became used to the dramatic couple’s incessant public linen washing, drying & ironing and we carried on life as usual.

Until the day Teejay asked his Girlfriend to Move Out.

Ghen Ghen!!!!

We all had to Rush out again because we thought Either an Earthquake was Happening, Or a small Bomb had been Lobbed into our Compound without our Permission.

Broken Bottles Everywhere, The Babe had thrown Virtually all Teejay’s Electronics & Appliances outside their BQ.

The things we heard that day about the Screaming Couple from the Screaming Couple ehn?

They blamed each other for EVERYTHING. Their Bad Sex life, Teejay’s Carry overs, the Babe’s inability to gain admission to school, Teejay’s Addictions, the Babe’s family history *Stop! Grey you’re killing me. buahahaha* the fact Teejay had no Car, the babe’s inability to have an Orgasm … EVERYTHING.

After a long while of Throwing things in this version and Both their Voices were hoarse with Screaming, Teejay said something he Perhaps should not have said at the Moment.

“Pack Your Things And Go Or So help me God, I WILL SLAP YOU!”

Shit is about to go down yo…

This was New to us all. Even to Teejay. The ensuing Silence was deafening as Observers and Fighters all individually tried to Process this unusual Twist in the now familiar Plot we were accustomed to.

Then Suddenly, as if her Batteries had just Recharged, the girl’s voice went into Chipmunk mode.

I imagined she screamed something that sounded like “EHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!!! SO YOU WANT TO SLAP ME ABI?” While clapping and going forward to grab Teejay by the neck.

We had never known Teejay to be Violent so What happened Next was so XQSP%GXZBYTPLQXYZ!!!! (//_\\)

KPAS!!!

The Slap landed Smack on the Middle of the Babe’s forehead even as she was screaming “SHEBI IT’S SLAP YOU WANT TO SLAP… YOU MUST SLAP THAT SLAP TODAY OR YOU’RE A BASTAR— ”

*editors sidebar: LMAO!!! reminds me of the now famous DKB slap..oh, i’m sorry carry on Grey…*

Hehehe..hehe..he hit her..hehe.

The Silence Again was Overwhelming.

In that brief Period of that Second Silence Teejay surprised us all again and the Girl even More with a Second well timed Backhand that sounded like a terminal Punctuation.

KPOS!!!!

All of us Witnesses Gasped out a Collective “AAH!” …

The Babe, now seemingly slightly Crazed started laughing Softly.

Then She Promised Teejay he was going to Regret this incident.

…I’m not even joking yo.

Then Teejay screamed about how she could do nothing.

We Separated them at this Point and the Girl left the Compound promising death and Doom and Problems.

It was later that evening the Police Van Came. I learnt they Packed along some Observers too along with Teejay in the back of the Police Van en route the Station to explain their Versions of what they witnessed. :’)

Of course, yours Truly serves a Living God. I was not among those Unfortunate Observers as I was in school at the moment.

That was then. Learnt quite recently that Teejay and the Girl have now done their introductions and are getting married sometime this year.

You See?

So, the “To Hit Or Not To Hit” Question depends on the Relationship. But Generally, life (being life) does not Permit Males to Physically Treat the Fuck up(s) of Females. Unfair, you Guys say? They can Verbally beat you up, you Guys say? Well, learn how to Verbally fight Tai-Chi too & See if that don’t make a Difference. Just don’t Overdo it. So the Missus don’t go learning ACTUAL Tai-chi. ‘Cause if all you’ve got is your Verbal Attacks, & she Knows Tai-chi, She’s Gonn’ FACK you Up.

Guys, if you enjoy being hit, by all means … Buy her a Whip even. But Do Not Hit a Lady. Please.

Unless She hits your Mother (First).

Or your Mother hit her and your Mom ain’t know she Knows Tai chi. And she Murks your Ma all over the Kitchen floor.

…Or Unless you’re Teejay 🙂

To God Be The Glory

@TheGreyGenesis

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Look i’m not even about to start another debate on here as to whether slaps, hits and all that shi-bang are good or bad. We just tell Cool stories here. So yeah…this is where you go to the comment box and stroke our ego with your comments. and if you write shit like “Cool story” I swear, i’ll find you and hit you.

sidebar: All Stories are completely the Intellectual property of TheGreyGenesis. All pictures, and sidebars are my googled property. Thanks.

@Sirkastiq

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61 thoughts on “To Hit or Not

  1. I think that: “a guy shouldn’t hit a lady” is trash. Double standard. Stay in your lane. Respect yourself. Whether it’s a guy or a girl. Keep calm. Don’t underrate people. Everyone should have self control

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  2. Or your Mother hit her and your Mom ain’t know she Knows Tai chi. And she Murks your Ma all over the Kitchen floor…lmao. good decision to have u as the guest writer on here. Good job. and if Kevin dont keep you here, imma hit him, withanL

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  3. LMAOOOO!!! The crying man killed me. LMAOOOO. OH LORD. Meh good thing Im not a guy. if i were, and my babe hits me, and it actually pains me? GOD OF ELIJAH! K SOLO SMAAAAAAASH!!!!!!!!! *Lifts refrigerator*

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  4. Cool story bro,very cool 🙂
    Lmao…well,its actually very wrong for a guy to hit a woman,totally wrong,unless of cos ur tee-jay.if u need to vent ur anger on something,try waxing ur legs,back,hands or even ur KINI,uld feel d pain and be free :p
    The grey dammy*salute

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  5. Lmaooooo ”This Argument tickled me silly because:
    1) Of all issues to discuss (like How to achieve World Peace, What to do about Global warming, The Glory & beauty of Plantain & egg sauce etc.) these folk gave Preeminence to THAT issue” cooooool story..

    Like

  6. LOL! I think you write very well. I love humor and by God have a good sense of it! Crazy and warped, but that’s the best kind there is so…keep on writing! Also, don’t be surprised if half the comments here are femininist stuff sha…I’m female by the way, but I won’t say anything about that cos u asked us not to. I just enjoyed the story…a LOT. Cheers!

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  7. LMAOOOOOOOOO!!!

    Well…personally, I think hittin a woman is not. Good thing, except I’m self defence. Maybe she’s tryn stab u with a fork and u have no where else to run to. But If u ask me…dat chik deserved those slaps. -___-

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  8. Hitting a lady is very dicey, everybody has deir endurance limit. The extent I can tolorate isn’t wat the next man can. So ladies don’t push a brother to the wall cos we all have our different SLAP specification.

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  9. LOOOOLLLL!!!!! “The things we heard that day about the Screaming Couple from the Screaming Couple ehn?”

    Kelvin and Dammy…thank U for making me laugh. Oh! And as much as I hate a guy hitting a woman…that don’t mean she gets to run her mouth everytime.
    If I were a guy..and my babe keeps blabbing like Zainab…imma B & B….Beat And Beg. 🙂

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  10. LOOOOOOL!! That DKB & Zainab pic just fucked me over men. That shit is too fucking funny.
    Abeg, I’m for team slap noisy bitches just to fucking shut em up. Of course I’m too p̶u̶s̶s̶y̶ much of a gentleman to actually hit a female, but still I hear its deeply satisfying + there’s a reward of like 2 virgins in heaven for you for slapping that Zainab-like bitch to shut her the fuck up!

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  11. LOL!!!!!!!! You’re insane man. If all this really happened, then the world is more fucked up than I thought. LOL! This was a mood-lifter though, nice one.

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  12. FUNNY STORY!
    I like how you told your story not only with words but also with pictures.

    As for Teejay and his gf, that’s probably their own way of showing love, I am not saying I approve of it but hye they eventually got married 🙂

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  13. LOOOOL..

    There has to be a difference between a TOZA and a KPAS… Someone should look into this 😀

    And by the way… Is it safe to say The slap brought out her sense of humor? 😀

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  14. Omagosh! Coolest story everrrr. Funny shii. There used to be a teejay in my friend’s compound too. I don’t support guys that hit women, but that babe pushed him to the fucking wall mhen. I wish them all the best.

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  15. I think Teejay gets a hall way pass for that moment. But the fact that he’s marrying her??? perhaps HE needs a slap to help him remember…

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  16. COOL STORY!!! Find me, I double dare you! 😛
    I keep hearing that some ladies deserve being slapped…c’mon! It’s the same way some guys deserve their food being poisoned but as long as we don’t allow that (we don’t, yeah?), using your strength against a woman is just not acceptable IMO. This couple getting married though *shivers*

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  17. looooooooooooooooool at the story…. can’t stop laughing…. i don’t think they’re gonna have any problems in their marriage… he’s hit her, she’s hit him, no harm done, the madness needed to be slapped from her yo, i don’t approve of guys hitting girls (nobody’s ever tried it with me before, they know better) but some girls need to learn to respect, but you could do that by cutting off ALL benefits, including sex, she’ll learn… BTW, why are smallish girls soooo troublesome?

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  18. Biko pause. What is this thing I keep reading about women needing to ‘respect’ themselves. Do we not know that such a statement encourages abuse?? So if a woman does not respect herself (whatever that means) a man can hit her?? Please someone enlighten me.

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    1. I love this comment. Females are encouraging abuse by all this feminist talk of men can hit women. A man should never hit a woman. It is not a double standard, it is nature. Men are bigger and stronger than women, and I think we can all cut past d bullshit and admit that men and women will never be equal. Everybody needs to respect eachother. Neither man nor woman should hit eachother.
      Now to the blog, LOOOOOOOOL! Very funny, the pictures are rib-cracking. That couple is obviously dysfunctional, I wonder how d marriage will end up. Good one Dammy.

      Like

  19. I belong to the sch of tot dat says if ur boyfriend hits you arrange for ur brothers or cousins to pay him back in kind and d same suld happen if ur galfriend hits u. Its d best way to tame unruly behavior

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  20. I belong to the sch of tot dat says if ur boyfriend hits you arrange for ur brothers or cousins to pay him back in kind and d same suld happen if ur galfriend hits u, d gals in d family suld be allowed to fyt dat battle. Its d best way to tame unruly behavior

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  21. I agree, men should never hit women for any reason. And women on the other hand should park well o! Like in d course of an arguement he says, “if u say that again, I’ll give you a dirty slap”, and you go “I have said it again, do your worst”, well, lips sealed as to the outcome.
    Mutual respect is all that’s needed. Shikena.

    Like

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