If one were to go down the annals of history, one would find an abundance of extraordinary men and women. Conquerors and Warriors, Inventors and Wise men, leaders and pioneers. People such as Martin Luther King Jnr., Aristotle, Abraham Lincoln, Mother Teresa etc. These are the people that have made such an impact upon the earth that their names now stand immortalized in our collective memory…. and I salute them. But(t)…
If one were to ignore the annals and peruse instead, the anus of history, one would find several boots lodged firmly in the collective rectum of the human experience. Boots kicked so far up history’s anus that history can taste the leather in its throat every time it tries to talk.
These boots were put up there by men and women that transcend simple mortaldom. They have performed such magnificnent feats that the mere thought of their exploits makes orphans weep and dragons urinate petrol on themselves. This might explain why you probably have not have heard of them… Until now.
When I first concieved of this idea (the education of humanity about the glory and awesomeness of these individuals), I was faced with a small problem – the explosion of my head.
You see, the impact of the awesomeness I was discovering was quite simply, too much and as a result, my mind was literally blown. Death, followed shortly thereafter.
When my soul arrived at the pearly gates, it asked to see these people of whom I had read so much and whose awesomeness had caused my decapitation by proxy. St. Peter informed me that they were in the VIP lounge of Club Divine – Flossing and stunting. After much begging, I was allowed to enter and party with them for 0.2365115 seconds. Those were the best 0.2365115 seconds of my afterlife.
In the hangover that ensued, my soul was infused with a great power which I used to eat an angels soul. And then it ate mine but then I ate it back and for 2 centuries, we were caught in an infinite loop of soul consumption, at the end of which, as you can tell, I returned to earth and have been commiting random acts of awesomeness ever since.
But I digress…
Upon my return to this earthly realm, I promptly passed this idea onto the Awesome and Epic half-human, half-catastrophe that is Terdoh. He has assembled a team of extraordinary individuals who have taken it upon themselves to educate you all about these awesome fellows of whom I speak. They are… Bruce Banner, Thor Odin-son, Tony Stark, Natasha Roman….
Oh. I’m sorry what? You couldn’t book the Avengers? Oh. I see.
Sorry people. As I was saying. Terdoh has assembled a team beyond par. An amazing collection of people to carry out this magnificent assignment. They are… Professor Charles Xavier, Ororo Munroe, Scott Summers…
Oh! What again now Terdoh! Ah ahn? You couldn’t get the X-men either? Kilonse bobo yi? Simple Assemble team, you cannot. What have you been doing for the last six months? Come wait… I hope you didn’t book the Justice league becuase, I assure you lil’ homie, I don’t play that shit. All of them together can’t even help superman wear his pant on the correct side. Collection of idiots. Msccheeew.
So who did you now get?
It is well.
As I was saying, Terdoh has assembled one kain team like that sha. They shall proceed to the reduce the collective ignorance of you all as they write entries into the greatest book of all – The Chronicles of Awesomeness.
Rejoice, mortals! The hour of awesomeness is upon thee! And it shall be glorious!
The Alchemist – TTXIII (Esq)