On a scale of 1 to BadAss

Well Aloha and welcome again. As was stated in my last post, we do have new writers and categories. This category is titled “Cool Stories of our lives” and is solely run by @TheGreyGenesis. I don’t think he needs any introduction as you must have read his debut post www.tscng.wordpress.com/coolstory  I’m just here to do this intro and won’t be in your face any further, Hopefully, this section should be up on sundays so look out for that… yeah, over to you Grey…

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In the Name of Your Individual Village Juju(s) I Greet & Welcome you. Please take your Seats \_ \_ \_.

For the Celebs taking time out of their Questionable Schedules to Waste their respective IQs reading something written by me? —–> _-/ _-/ _-/ … Hope the Armrests are Comfy 😀 And For The Abnormalities & Whatnots also reading (like @Sirkastiq, @Cumical and Co.) Here —–> _ _ _ _ _ Those are Newspapers.

Everyone Seated? Okay.

I decided to talk about something Different today. While Picking Beans the other day, I remembered a Scene from the Movie ‘Xmen: The Last Stand’ where Jean’s inner evil spirit had taken Over & was chopping everybody’s individual Daddys’ Asses as if it was Yam & Egg Sauce. And Wolverine kept going towards her, Yea though his skin was Peeling off with each step until he Chooked that Bitch some Adamantium Akpako. And I thought to myself.

Me: Self?

Self: Kilonpop?

Me: Cocopops

Self: -__-

Me: Forgive me. I Can’t help it. Anyways, if we had to rate Hugh Jackman as Wolverine on a Scale of 1 to BadAss, what will we Score that Hairy FotherMucker?

Me & Self (together): 9 Over BadAss!!! ^_^

Oh? Not him? shit! *rummages through pictures*

So I stopped the Bean Picking and decided to write about Those Kick Ass Characters in Movies and what their Ratings should be on a Scale of 1 to BadAss. (At this Point, if you’re Not into Movies N’shit, And you have Brain Fluid … Shey you know you should stop reading & Go and be Great somewhere else Ba?)  Toh.

So, Let me start with the Grand Popc of the “Daddy be a Bottle of Zobo” Movies. Uncle Jet Li. You CANNOT watch a Jet Li movie without thinking at one point or the Other “Don’t Fucking Piss Me Off!” How that Chinese Niggur Gonn’ wear Pure white & Beat the Yesterday Out the Tomorrow of an ENTIRE VILLAGE OF GROWN ASS ADULT NINJAS Without Getting a Single Stain? o_O Specifically speaking tho, let’s Rate Jet on his Character’s Performance in the Movie “The One”(The Bad Guy Jet li). On a Scale of 1 to BadAss? —-? 7. It should be a 5 self because of all those Zobo they tried to feed us. (??? )

STOP THE WASH. I USE OMO..

Moving On. Gerard Butler as Leonydas in ‘300’. O God! I won’t say much except to say Unto ye, On a scale of 1 to Gerard Butler as Leonydas? —-? BADASS!!! \(???)/

Is that why you’re now shouting?

ok that explains it…

Then we have Brad Pitt as Troy —-? 2. (?_?) I Do Not remember any part of the Movie apart from where he Jumped & Stabbed some Hobo in the Neck. Judge Me.

Kate Beckinsale as the Death-dealing vampire Selene and her tight, tight, TIGHT Leather pants in Underworld *Stops typing and looks towards Vaseline on cabinet Continues Picking Beans* Ehen… Her. On a Scale of 1 to Bad Ass? 9.999999999 Over Bad Ass (?_?)

You can suck my blood all day err’day mami..

Then let’s talk about Keanu Reeves as Neo in Matrix. Neo as a Character was a little bit of a Baby Piglet Considering all those Powers he Had. Imagine if Hugh Jackman AS Wolverine had been THE CHOSEN ONE in The MATRIX? OJIBIJIBIJIBI!!! (//_\\) I would Pay to watch THAT movie with my neighbour’s left Pinkie Finger -if that’s what they say I should bring in Silverbird (._. ) … I give Neo a 5. Just because. But Hugo Weaving as Agent Smith in The Matrix On the Other Hand??? THAT’S WHY WE PAY TO WATCH MOVIES RIGHT THURR! He Gets a Solid 9! His Speech in ‘Matrix Revolutions’, when Neo just wouldn’t lie down & Die like a Well Brought up Child of God, nearly made me Weep. That Speech > Aragon’s Speech in Lord of the Rings > All Obama’s Speeches > Wizkid’s Music (?_?)

Please tell him….

And Speaking of Bad Asses in Lord of the Rings? Can I hear a “Lego”? Give me that “Las”! LEGOLAS!!! The Elf that will Lead us on the day of the Rapture. (^_^) Orlando Bloom as Legolas = 7 Optimus Prime = 9. Please Don’t Argue. I Know where you live. I don’t like beating people & their parents while they sleep. Let it Go. Please. Thank you 🙂

And speaking of Transforming Machines & the Diesel that makes ’em Fast and Furious, Let’s Just all Hold hands and Give the Brother Vin Diesel a 9 for his Performance as Riddick in Pitch Black. Too AWESOME!

I’m sexy and i know it…

And Not Forgetting the Best Actor to Ever Portray the Martini Sipping-Hot Chicks Astraffing-Gun Toting Agent 007, Pierce Brosnan. A 6 for his Bad Ass delivery in Tomorrow never dies. And I Have to Mention Gerard Butler Again for his Role in ‘Law Abiding Citizen’. THAT … Was an Epic Bad Ass of a Character. Can you imagine someone telling you he’ll Kill ALL your friends? And you lock him in Jail and sit watching him in the Jail? And without leaving your Presence, ELIMINATES ALL your Friends? :O Naah Fam. He deserves a 9 for that Shii

Words on Point

Rooney Mara in ‘The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo’ … *Starts Picking Beans* * * * Wesley Snipes as ‘Blade’. —-? 7 Heath Ledger as the Joker in Dark Knight Gets a 9. Too Too Insane. Then I would rather Call Jack Black as Po in “Kungfu Panda” a Bad Ass than Give Matt Damon any Credit for being a Kick Ass for Pleasure type ‘a Nigga for his Portrayal of Jason Bourne in the Bourne Saga.

Now look at People like Jason Statham. Like I can’t even take them seriously. That Dude looks like a wealthy Soccer Player. What he doing trying to steal cars and Attempting Karate? Is it not the Same God that Created Beckham that Created him? What’s his Problem then? O_o

Idris Elba as The Guardian in ‘Thor’ —-? 5 Kiefer sutherland As Jack Bauer? QXZP&GDJBXZQ%GPKXPQZXY!!!!!!!! NO ONE MAN CAN BE SO JACK BAUER! Badass Over Badass On Badass. Jack Bauer CAN Beat your Daddy. And Mine too. Again, Do Not Argue -_-

Tea Bag from Prison Break? That’s another Basket Case Coconut Hardened Criminal Character. For his Portrayal —-? 8 Alan Rickman as Severus Snape in Harry Potter … THIS DUDE Petrified me More than Voldemort. Well, Almost. He gets a 7.

Steven Segal is Just NOT okay. Which movie do I want to begin Citing? Segal in any Movie? The Bad Guy OR Good Guy (whoever is against Him) Must be Knacked the Akpako of Broken Bones and Confusion. 9 And Last but not the Least (For Grey is Tired & This is Not a Novel Gaddemit) The One… The Only… Let me Give you a Clue about the Most Dangerous, Most Legendary, Most Zoboless Bad Ass Second to None (well, maybe Second to Jackie Chan) According to You People, This Bad ass walked into a Mr Biggs and Ordered for Chicken From SFC… AND THEY BROUGHT IT TO HIM. This Bad Ass Was involved in a Knife Fight with a Knife… AND THE KNIFE LOST. Ladies And Gentlemen And Other Things Unmentionable @Sirkastiq and @Cumical … I present to you the Bad Ass of Our Time with a Rating of WORSTASS over BADASS … CHUCK NORRIS (^?^)

No shit..

Kardashian Influenced behavior… smh

Now Go Away. *Continues Picking Beans*

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46 thoughts on “On a scale of 1 to BadAss

  1. Wait what….

    GOVERNOR ARNOLD SCHWARZ….whatever isn’t Badass enough :(.

    Mr Bean as Johnny English x_x??

    Denzel Washington??

    DPMO!!!!

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  2. LOL!!!! Nice Badasses.. Please what of this geh in “Kick ass” ? Rambo nko? And John Travolta in “Face Off”. . 😦

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  3. LMAO!!!!

    This Grey dude is indeed a generational problem. It’s funny how once he began that last bit, I knew it just HAD to be The Norris One.

    But this post just goes to show how young this ‘grey’ boy is though. Like how is there no mention of the badasses who defined the word badass by which we rate this new generation of badasses, eh? What of Sly Stallone, Bruce Lee, and I believe others have mentioned Van Damme and Arnold Californneger? I guess you get a few points for ‘barely’ mentioning Jackie Chan and Steven Segal sha… ( -_-)

    Yeah, very cool story

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  4. ROTFLMAFAOOOOOO. Please badass, don’t kill me abeg.
    “I don’t like beating people and their parents when they sleep…” Seriously??? Faints*
    You are hereby certified nuts!

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  5. You gave Neo a 5 and Steven Segal a 9? That is not just okay.

    Pierce Brosnan, 6? Seriously? Seriously???

    *hyperventilates* *blows in paper bag* *calms down*

    I think I agree with the rest.

    All in all, a good article, my enjoyment of which was slightly hampered by the numerous (sometimes seemingly) forced quips. They made the ride a little more bumpy than it should have been. Perhaps if they had been fewer and more seamlessly woven together, I may have rolled on the floor in laughter instead of chuckled slightly in my head.

    6.

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    • sorry if thisisold, glad he left out the muscles from brussels bec. Ithe dude can’t act (maybe i cant help smirking thru any of his flix or interviews). Since grey threw in Seagal the list stopped being awesome. Better than arguing further make a more current list, dawg, but thanks for coming up with this. It got me thinking, how young were you grey when bruce lee broke some whoopass the entire island of Han?

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  6. You gave Kate a 9.99999 & Agent smith, the greatest computer virus ever a 9??? Blasphemy. ( ._.). No Van damme? 😥 No Samuel L. Jackson? ( ‘-‘) (._.) ( ._.).
    Lol. Funny ass post tho. (Y)

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  7. LMAO! You’re a very foolish man!!!
    Say THANK YOU! Coming from me that’s a compliment. What happened to Amitabh Bachan?! :O :O :O Did not you go to primary school?!!!
    ( -̩̩̩͡˛ -̩̩̩͡ )

    You’re still not well. Chukwu gozie gi.

    Larry

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  8. “He Gets a Solid 9! His Speech in ‘Matrix Revolutions’, when Neo just wouldn’t lie down & Die like a Well Brought up Child of God”

    Please, who removed Grey’s strait jacket?

    Also, I’m a little pissed that V in V for Vendetta is not on the list. I mean, Hugo Weaving killed that shit right there with this speech:

    “Voila!

    In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity is a vestige of the vox populae, now vacant, vanished.

    However, this valorous visitation of a bygone vexation stands vivified! And has vowed to vanquish these venal and vitilan vermin van guarding vice and vouch savings of violently vicious and veracious violations of villicin.

    The only verdict is vengeance. A vendetta. Held as a votive. Not in vain for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous.

    Verily, these vicious soas of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it’s my very good honour to meet you, and you may call me ‘V’.”

    Can you count how many V words were in there? I rest my case.

    Put Grey’s jacket back on Kelvin. Please.

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  9. LMAO! Dammy is a hilarious dickhead! I’ve told you guys, we need to take him to a neurologist tho, a tumor has obliterated his brain!

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  10. I was gonna attack half of your ratings (Seagal? 9?Really?) Plus Really, No Governator? REALLY???!!! But for Kate BakeAndSellCookies & Hugo Weavons, I accept the rest. Esp Mr. Smith, top 5 fav characters of all time.
    I fell on the road everytime I saw a picture, TOO FUCKING FUNNY!!
    Lastly, Baba Grey, HOW THE FUCK DO YO COME UP WITH THESE SMILEYS??? WHO THINKS OF THIS SHIT?—> _-/ LIKE HOW??

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  11. LooooooL. Please Please Mila Jovovich beats beckinsale for that 9.9999 bla bla. And we all know abi blivd d rumour of Arnold swazzwetinwetin being paid 1million bucks just to say “I’ll be back” in terminator, if dats not badass I don’t know wat is. Yes, Yes where christian Bale for Equilibrum?. Crazy post.

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  12. Lmaooooooooooooooooo!
    Oh my. How dare you talk about Steven Seagal without referring to his ponytail?
    The Italian Stallion? Jean Claude Van Damme?
    Tony Montana?
    Btw I love picking beans ^_^

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  13. This is HILARIOUS!

    ThÓ I maynt agree wit all ur picks esp ur exclusion of Al Pacino (Godfather),Dr Evil,Angelina Jolie,Van Damme,etc…itz a great piece frm one wit an imagination dat m yet 2fully understand!

    More pls!

    Like

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