We interrupt your daily scheduled program to bring you this disturbing exposé.
This is all fiction.
Or is it…?
Professor Xavier’s ways have been exposed!
Who is Professor Xavier you say?
Well damn? Close this page and be gone from my presence. What are you doing here? Let me just say, that if you never read any comics as a child (not even Supa Strikas) then you probably grew up around child molesters and wankers. No joke. WHAT!?
Anyway, for the benefit of those who might not know, (however few they might be), Professor Xavier is a Marvel Comics superhero who is widely known as the founder, and leader of the X-Men.
If you do not know who the X-Men are, really, I cannot hear you. I’m sorry.
Throughout his comic book career, Xavier is paraplegic. But his body houses one of the most powerful minds in the world, after Jean Grey, and of course David, his grandson. Xavier is a high-level telepath. Meaning he can read, control, and influence human minds. Now see, this here, is the problem.
Reports reaching us have shown that this nigga here has been mind-fucking his mutant students. Literally.
We have reason to report to you that things are not what they seem from the outside. We have been able to garner a few facts that show that Professor Xavier is a telekinetic pedophile. (Imagine the possibilities. You don’t even have to, we’ll bring it to you right here, right now.)
This here is what Xavier does yeah? He gets these young ass kids using this Cerebro thingy, usually ensuring he gets the youngest he can find, cos this ain’t no normal pussy yo! This is mutant pussy, 5 times more badass. You think I’m lying? Ask Magneto how he feels getting blowjobs from ‘different women’ every day because he has Mystique. But that’s a story for another day.
Anyway, this pedophile Xavier gets them chicks all up in the playboy mansion and gets them in these routines doing kegel exercises and thorough work-out sessions in the name of ‘Developing Your Inner Mutant’. Replace ‘Mutant’ with ‘Freak’ and there is your problem.
Now we all know how good Xavier is. Anyone who has watched any of the X-Men movies knows that he is one of the most powerful. Now you mean this nigga ain’t getting no pussy? With all that power and influence? Bitch please! X-avier is the most X rated mutant yo. Be not deceived. (See what I did there?)
Now I’m not even going to bullshit you. This is his M.O:
He gets the chick in his room, say Storm (cos that bitch be freaky as fuck with the white hair and the lightning and the tight costume, and the curves and them sexy ass lips and…yeah, you get the idea) and he gets off his wheel chair (yes people. The wheel chair is a front. What better way is there to suck your own dick while them females touch their toes) and walks over to her and she lies on the bed and her thighs suddenly be in a long distance relationship. Then he starts blowing her, and he’s not doing a good job, pun intended. And he knows this cos he can read her mind and all that telekinetic shit. So damn, he makes her see fireworks.
No for real people, he’s Xavier. He can make you see Dora the Explorer getting down with King Kong.
So she starts going crazy, and he’s doing all the right things, cos he be all up in her mind ‘n’ shit. A tsunami kills 300 people in South Korea as Storm climaxes, and when he’s done, he wipes his nut off her face, and wipes her memory clean. Storm leaves the office thinking she came to discuss the training routines of the new recruits.
Sometimes, he be sitting in the cool of the garden going “I need to get me some head, and I don’t feel like sucking my own dick…who that fine shawty over there?” and some unsuspecting mutant just sees a lollipop hanging in the air. Being a selfish bitch she starts sucking it there and then. Sometimes it’s a dude, but Xavier don’t care. He be getting some head.
The only three mutants he doesn’t play with are; Jean (cos she be cock-mind-blocking him ‘n’ shit), Shadow Cat (cos sometimes when he fucks with her mind, her powers be spinning outta control and Prof X’s dick be thumping the bed. Not cool), and Wolverine (for obvious reasons, a simple slip during a handjob could mean disaster). All other mutants have been effectively butt-fucked by the professor, including Magneto. Sometimes the Prof be sending him images of him (Magneto) bent over doggy-style, then he (Xavier) would lick his lips and wink, and that gay stuff freaked Magneto the fuck out. So Magneto had to get a helmet for that shit.
Now you know I would never lie to you. But see, I have no proof for this stuff, cos the Prof does his job well. He be cleaning up every child’s memory before they get the chance to tweet about it. But I have brought it all to the open. If you have any contrary story, feel free to share, but I know I have told the truth!