The Schema

Hello Mortals…

He finally posted something!

Cool your lobules, this is not a proper post. It’s an appeal. Na beg I come beg una oh. Say make una no forget say this blog still dey.


So, while I am stuck in this mortal body, I’ve been forced to do things that you humans do. And a lot has been going on in my life recently, but I’ll be damned if you ever see any personal stuff on here. I’ve got a psychoanalyst and a psychiatrist in my bathroom and rearview mirrors respectively.
So, we good.

Still, loads of stuff happening. First of all, let’s focus on the very important stuff. Stuff that will change lives and probably destinies…

Game of Thrones is out.

Also, Hunger Games. Which I haven’t watched, yet inexplicably, I continue to breathe.

*sigh* You mortals have successfully hyped the most irrelevant, most immaterial things and turned them to objects of worship. That’s how my friend, Prince, is already planning the scam he will pull to get the Blackberry Blade.

Jesus be a source of common sense.

But who am I to point fingers? I changed my phone from a Curve 2 because I wanted my life to flash before my eyes just before I died.

Anyway, I have a guest post from the same dude that featured first in my other life. Ladies and gentlemen, I present @YemiJohnson.


How To Make Money:
Yo! Earthy mortals, it’s not my thing to greet viewers this way but the owner of this blog made it compulsory. First of, the disclaimer.

I am responsible for what I write but I am not responsible for what you understand.
I understand that the intent of this blog is to deliver humor in puns, mildly stereotyped jokes, fables and any other means necessary. I am not a humorous person, I lost that part of me a long time ago due to tumor growing on my funny bone(r). My attempts to make this post as humorous as I can, will only put me in further pain and I am still undergoing chemo. The only thing I understand is sarcasm and I am still not good at it. I think it’s because my role model is Sheldon Cooper. Wow, I find my confession weirdly amusing.

Simply put, I hate humor. 😀 fork it, the smiley is meant to be the straight face-talk to the hand-not interested smiley, my dam spell check is faulty and it’s turning my swear words to pointless things. Shut. Fork this shut!

I hate to see people wallowing in poverty and so I have decided to be charitable for once. I will let you in on some secrets to making cool cash, my parents must not hear about this ooh, their brouhaha is too much for me to handle. Asides my blog this will be my only philanthropic act to the good people of blogsville. If you so desire to hear the tips again you would have to book a meeting with me at a discreet location and at a fee with many ones, zeroes, commas and no decimal point.

Any butch niger (I hate this spell check, I should have used a different system. Probably my nervous system…See what I’m saying?) that doesn’t like my methods of making mad cash can go get in a three-some with Bumble Bee and Optimus Prime. My ways are legit and will soon be published in the Times and Forbes magazines. No kidding like barren goats.

Plan 1
I presently work at a sperm bank and it pays. I give my special men to some group of hotties way outside my league (J.LO). I don’t get to bang them but they bear my child, it’s just like being knocked up and the pay is worth it. All you need to do is drink lots of water, a vivid imagination, loads of Vaseline, a strong hand. Truth is wanking helps you build, statistics show that 86% of men with firm and strong biceps are wankers #fact.

Editor’s note: Eyyysss!

As I was saying, place a subscription for the monthly issue of playboy magazine, there are more than enough pictures to last you for practice time before you resume work.

Practice makes perfection.

Perhaps if your faith is strong enough, your special men could fertilize an egg that would bring forth another Obama or Einstein and if you have the good sense, you will fight to get your son back. If your spawn inadvertently becomes a terrorist like Muttalab with the IQ of The Hulk, then you’re lucky. No one pins it back on you. Happy Jerking.

Plan 2
Since the 14 year jail term sentence, most homos have receded into their shells, waiting for a messiah to come and fight for them, pity tho. I overheard some gay looking dude over the telephone saying he wanted to start a brothel at his house, he had just gotten his first customer, I was about to approach him and confirm what it was I was hearing but then, the gayassniger (dam spell check) began to wink at me. He was fairly huger than me and any further steps could have put me at risk of being his second customer, so I ran.


My point is, if you are a broke ass gay niger this is your shot at wealth. Open that gay brothel now under the guise of YMCA, it will work out just fine. No one has ever questioned their activities before and for Lesbos, you people are too much, I will personally fund any Lesbo brothel. This has nothing to do with what I’m saying but I personally think y’all are the bomb diggity. Nothing sexier than two girls yo. XXXX – See what I did there?

Plan 3
Being gangster pays off, if I were gangster I would park my load to computer village and boss all them little spoilt kids that come to buy ipods, laptops, blackberries and all those other gadgets that ‘dem rich spoilt children come to buy with the money they scammed from their parents. There is no crime in collecting the money….. From where I come from they call it cribber’s cribbing, the cribber is the looter and the cribbing is the loot. Looting from the cribber is allowed after all, it was never his property. All you need is some yellow stains on your teeth and a red eye. This signifies you are a heavy smoker and drinker, a thick pidgin-ish accent and a firm grip is also required. Your appearance would get your victim frightened and scared out of his guts. Don’t get caught sha. This method is not legit in every jurisdiction.

Plan 4
There is still another legit means to obtain people. Heck, I have a friend that was obtained the legit way not so long ago…. Don’t tell anyone. To run this kind of package all you need is a good eye and be a boy boy to the owner of a shop in computer village. Let every shop owner in that vicinity like you because you would need their support. Speak in a very husky voice but be friendly, do not make the price of your service very clear to your customer/victim. If he keeps bothering you with the price, beat around the bush some more and talk in Yoruba. When you have done the service, you make your price clear and watch your maga as he tries to debate the price with you. Calm him down and tell him the work is irreversible and he has to pay the full charge. If he refuses to calm down then you can call in your guys one by one. I assure you, no one wants to die or be beaten, panic will get the better part of your maga and he will give you your full wage and if your maga is one of those rich spoilt kids, he might even add something extra for your guys. This was not done to me but trust me it works.

Plan 5
And finally this is directed at the mofo that owned this blog ‘’. I was so livid when he closed down the blog and later he would say you don’t get shishi from owning a blog. The butch ass niger could have sold it for real cash. I had slaughter to own a blog with so much views and subscribers… oh! You are asking me what I will do if I owned the blog? I won’t tell you yet, it’s my own personal plan, I can’t let nigers like Tula and the dude at the sirqastic corner in on my secrets to get more cash. They seem to know their way around here. I am doing the least bit I can with my blog and it’s paying off. I got a free ticket to the hottest party taking place on the 3rd of march at club vegas on the Sheraton/opebi road link from 9 pm till dawn by just following @ent_prestige and advertising for them on my blog posts plus I also get one of the organizers side chick’s side friend. Impressive ehn! So I will be big banging a babe and the theory that bloggers don’t get shishi.

I wonder who saw what I did in the last paragraph.

Well this brings me to my conclusion, I am sure the girls in the house would have noticed that my tips where male sided. You can only infer from this that I wish every girl was a lesbo but still bisexual tho. Don’t ask why, just my own weird fetish.
I have said enough shut today……. Go make some cash.


Yeah, fuck ye niokar!
Anyway, I finally posted something, even though it wasn’t mine. I’ve been dead busy with stuff, but fuck it, I’m back. You might not want to expect too much from me, I’m just recovering. I still love y’all though, and I’ve got something planned. So watch this space. And subscribe. It means a fuckload to me. Thanks yo!


36 thoughts on “The Schema

  1. Hahahaha Firm and strong Biceps = Wanker? Dear Future Husband, Carry On Wanking 😉

    But really though, what is the YMCA about?? Wetin dem dey do sef?

    I like that plan 1 and plan 3 goes hand in hand. You wank long enough –> You build muscles required for cribbing the cribber

    This is entertaining. iLike 😀


  2. Where have you been Terd?
    Focker! *damn spell-check*
    And yo @YemiJohnson… Interesting views you got here. However, awon boys will like to know easier ways to hit that pissy. *damn spell check!*

    Afterall, that’s all that matters in this world, innit?



  3. LOOOL… “I changed my phone from a Curve 2 because I wanted my life to flash before my eyes just before I died”
    Curve 2 has no flash right? LOL!!!

    Appaz! We have many money making ventures (Blood donor – it doesn’t have to be ur blood, Weapon and Ammunition sales, Black Magic, Adultnapping) but I think the best is MUSIC. Where you get to say “anananoninininoninanana” on a good beat and everyone calls you for shows. (-_-)


  4. LOL! Na wa o. And they say people like this are normal.
    PS- Get help fast! Terdoh we’ll soon sanction this your non performance oh, it took u fore ver man *side eye*


  5. *sigh*

    We’ve really got to look into this matter of shrinks falling our hands. Not only did they let the Turd out, they let a second psycho out too.

    God help Blogsville.

    *whispers while no one’s watching* Pssst, Yemi, Nice one there. (y)


  6. “Nothing sexier than two girls yo. XXXX – See what I did there?” If you didn’t do Biology you simply can’t get this. Too cool.


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