FWB 101

Why hello. 🙂 Look who’s here. You’re all grown up now *pulls cheeks* Good to have you around. Bla bla friggin bla…the above has nothing to do with the below so just..bla bla whatever.

Yeah, this is how it’s gonna work for this month (I think) I’m gon’ be having me some guests over at TSC. This is because I’m a mess and will be attempting to mess up other blogs I’ll be featuring in. Hence, to balance the order of nature, I’m gon’ leave mine in the hands of those I consider worthy.

From what you’re about to read, you’ll probably decipher or deduce or de-whatever the kinda “people” that will be featuring on here. If you think you’ve got something worth reading, then bring it! No mush please. Visit Bule’s blog for that.

Remember, this is The Sirkastiq Center (TSC) and we really care…did I tell you I’m dating Megan Fox secretly?

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Hello, my name is ColorMeCake. If you’re wondering, yes that’s the name my mama gave me. I’m kinda drunk and I just want to talk about something I noticed lately.

Now, for some strange reason, Niggas these days have decided to become emotional creatures and its gross. Left, right and center I see these niggas sleeping with supposed one night stands, and next morning they calling these hos talmbout “Baby why you left before I woke up. Wanna go eat later” As one of these hos I say ‘No bitch. No.”

I see niggas trying to wife bitches who were supposed to be just friends with benefits and I’m like this is not what God intended. This is poor penis management. If I had a penis, I would be managing it right.

I like you guys and I just want to share some tips on your to manage your pussy life better. I know some of you look at me and wonder “How does she do it?” Now you don’t have to wonder anymore.

Now, I hope you’re reading this in the most ghetto accent you can muster. First of, if you’re offended by the words ‘bitch’ ‘pussy’ ‘nigga’ ‘penis’ ‘cock’ ‘dick’ ‘vagina’ then this post is not for you. So bye bitch.

Now, here are 10 simple rules for Friends with benefits

1) Do not store these hos by their names in your phones. Ever. Too intimate. You have ‘Ho 1’ ‘Ho 2’ ‘Ho who can bust a split on the dick’ ‘Suck Dick ho’ ‘Anal ho’

2) Keep your hos well separated. Do not mistakenly try anal with your ‘bust a split on the dick ho’ That might not go well.

3) Don’t fucking ask these hos how their day went. Fuck you care for? Far as you’re concerned. They only exist for one hour a day when they on yo dick.

4) Your phone conversations should not be more than 2 minutes. Tops. Ever. You: “Where you at?” Her: “Home?” You: “Alright, come over right quick” Her: “Ok”. That’s it. If she calls you at 11pm with any thing other than “Is it my turn to come over?” You hang up &delete that hos number.
Talmbout Her: “My day was so hard. My mama had a heart attack *crying* and I just don’t know what to do…” You: “uuuhhh are you coming over for some of this dick though?” Her: “No! My mama. .” You: *Hangs up.* *Deletes that ho’s number*

5) Keep your fucking emotions out your penis. The only thing that should come out your penis is STD free semen. My nig I don’t want to feel your heart beating through your penis. There’s no reason for that.

6) Don’t trust a ho. These are desperate times. Bitches will tell you they on birth control and not be. Double bag that ho. Or watch that ho swallow postinor and keep her for an hour so she can’t throw it back up

7) You should never know what she looks like in the morning. Why? Because both of you should not be on the same bed during that time.

8) If you have a gf or are famous, TAKE THAT HOS PHONE AWAY. Actually don’t. People like you are my saturday/sunday twitter entertainment.

9) . . .

I know I said 10 but fuck you hos. I’m bored & have other shit to do and y’all aint even worth all these boulders of wisdom I’m throwing your way.

Bye bitch.
It’s a beautiful day, Smile 🙂

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Editors Note: I didn’t edit nothing..yes spelling, grammaticall errors and stuff..ehen? Didn’t you read that she’s drunk?

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72 thoughts on “FWB 101

  1. this is so crazy, read it in aunt madea’s voice kinda ghetto lol. as 4 vixen pixie as a good girl recognise d signs n keep ur legs closed. dont end up as any kinda ho on d nigga’s fone, lol

    Like

  2. Okay!

    Ookay!!

    Oookay!!!

    LMAO.

    There’s a thin line between being a nigga and being a bitch nigga.

    And this ryt here…are a few of the basic rules to handling your shit.

    ColorMeCake should have also addressed them females on ‘knowing ur role in a FWB situation’

    I see niggas tryna wife hoes all day…errriiiiday.

    And these Hoes tryna get more than what they deserve.

    These hoes need to know they role.

    On the real tho…get the wheat from d chaff…from dis post.

    All these points are no-brainers. But niggas these days be slipping big time.

    THUS, this REMINDER!!!!!!!

    Penis management is an essential course!!!!

    Get ur grades up!

    ——————————————————————————–

    P.S : Niggas, Quit tryna wife some of these females cos u want pussy.

    Its 2012.

    Some of These females just wanna fuck, No strings.

    F.

    Like

  3. Hohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohoho!!!!!!!
    THIS POST KILLED IT Yo!! DANG!!!
    Now its gonna suck to be a Hoe all over again!! (˘̩̩_˘̩̩̩ƪ)

    Like

  4. Riley escobar freeman aka the fundraiser. This is the bet fucking blog I’ve read in ma life. Fuck u hoes. Nani out. Suck a cock.

    Like

    • Who is this Riley person you all speak off and if he’s this awesome can I have his babies? I’m not the female anyone. I’m just me. Stop being cuntfaces.

      I shall work on the female one but I need to be drunk so maybe tonight

      Like

  5. Thank you so much for asking people to look for mush on my blog ey? *Dons Gangster shades* Otas isnt well, you and i both know that…. there should be a response to this.. by … by…. Oh never mind.

    Like

  6. Well, just like the movie that bears its name, friends with benefits are allowed to catch feelings. Sex is addictive and when someone gets you right, the tendency to be territorial and exclusive to ensure a guaranteed supply on demand is natural. If you don’t feel the same way when the other person catches feelings or vice versa, well, walk away. Call it occupational hazards.

    Like

  7. *sighs* I don’t like those words so I stopped reading
    *in Luda’s voice* Hos in different contact code!!!!!
    #OkBye

    PS: Sirka! Sirka!! Sirka!!! How many times did I type ur name??? Dis gurl is not drunk on some ‘A’ things, she’s drunk on some ‘D’ things!

    Haahaahaaaa! Nice post! Cool story :p

    Like

  8. LOOOOOOL. I can’t deal mhen. Warrahell?????! Can’t believe this is the first thing i read today. Hahahahahaha! Please i need to do my devotion. Peace and Dodo. Bye.
    And oh, i loved every bit of this post.

    Like

  9. You actually make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this matter to
    be actually something that I think I would never understand.
    It seems too complicated and extremely broad for me. I’m looking forward for your
    next post, I’ll try to get the hang of it!

    Like

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