SideBarz

I know you’re here so i don’t see why i should really bother myself with welcoming you. Oh! it’s the courteous thing to do? and who gave you the illusion that i’m a courteous fellow? Harry houdini? You might as well get your ass sat somewhere and let’s get straight into the business of why we are here. Yes. Today, I’m on that ramble shit again, forgive me but it’s all i can do for now till probably i get a wife i can throw all my frustrations on. Since that isn’t about to happen anytime soon, i might as well take it out on you my willing audience. I really don’t have Power IV this shit.

sidebar: In case you’re slower than the speed of dark, the “power IV” phrase is deeper than it seems. can you decipher it?

Moving on jare, all week and some, i’d been thinking of a post to write here, started on some outerviews but they turned out shittier than a toilet bowl at full capacity so i decided to do away with them duhhh.

SHIT!!! LoL

You know how it feels when your brain has gotten to that “cyclic redundancy period?” that time when you shake your head and you can hear the hollowness echo so loudly? Are you mad? if i knew how it felt, would i be asking you? why so shallow minded thus? Of course, we all know the answer to that.

sidebar: I was about to use one of those “are they using your brain matter to season shaki” lines and then i remembered that anyone that still uses such disses is as clueless as goodluck on the issue of Boko and his harem.

Lets die-a-log shall we? or shan't we?

sidebar: If you are also among those intellectual Quotient challenged individuals that say stuff like “jesus be a spark-plug,” I consider you stupid, ignorant, foolish and all that..yeah. It’s my consideration sha. in the end, i still love you.

I still haven’t told you why we are here. You need to chill as i shall get to that in no distant time. By the way, this statement here is quite laced with brilliance. do you know that Distance = Speed x Time . Does this therefore mean that when we say “in no distant time,” we are referring to a merger of Distance and Time? If we attempt to make Speed the subject of the formula, this will result in Distance/Time. so when we say “in no distant time,” we actually mean speedily. You can be wowed here and go ahead and clap. Thanks. Management.

Just so you know...

Seriously now though, while seeking inspiration to write, i found myself listening to Music to kinda ginger me you know. I went from my regular, constant dose of Usher down to the locals back home. While progressing thus, i got to Ice Prince and i found myself laughing so hard at the brilliance and lyrical dexterity exhibited by this fine chap

sidebar: if you believe the above, you must also believe that you were actually born on April 1st. matter of fact, you were. believe that! By the way, do you know that the word ‘irony’ is coined from the yoruba word iró ni which means “it’s a lie” You’re welcome. signed. Management.

So, there i was flooding my intelligence with Ice Prince, seeking inspiration from Lord-knows-where and it just didn’t come. The truth is bitter- Alomo. I hold ice prince responsible for such bars. was he a prisoner in his former life? did he get anally raped often for dropping soapy bars that only get you wet in the eyes?

The result? soapy bars...

That’s how i went for Wax lyrical (which they should re-christen Wack lyrical by the way) and saw the future leaders of this nation dropping what they believe are dope lines. they only qualify as such because they were spat by niggas obviously high on some cheap drugs. what?? “I’m so high – trees!” I kid you not…sigh..Let me enter MI sef..(eyss!! i don’t mean through any opening in his body) What the fuckity fuck was Seven days about? A death sentence? That song only lasted seven days on my phone because i believed that it was gonna magically meta-morph into something beautiful. FA FA FA FAWO!!! Thank God oga Mr Incredible rose the bar again with the 6 foot remix, however, he had to. such height isn’t normally easy to reach by a MIdget. (don’t quote me) -_-

I agree...i knew that 6 foot song was a sub.

Next up on my playlist was Davido and i don’t care if he was caught topless, there’s something about the beats and tunes of the dudes songs. whaaat? There i was on my Dami duro shit and i felt like i was flying and unstoppable, like LASTMA niggas be chasing me and i’m doing 180 on the freeway. damn!  “and on the beat is davido and i’m driving all the girls crazy yo, enainaninaninananino , enainaninaninananino”

sidebar: I’m confused as to where all this is headed

Ah well, i switched songs and this song came up and COMPLETELY knocked me off my chair. I’m sure a lot of you have seen the video or have it on your phones even. it’s titled “i’m my own grandpa” I went through the hassles of getting the lyrics for you so you can read the complexity of the matter. You can view the video here http://www.metacafe.com/watch/54702/im_my_own_grandpa/

Now many many years ago when I was twenty-three
I was married to a widow who was pretty as can be
This widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red
My father fell in love with her and soon they too were wed

This made my dad my son-in-law and changed my very life
For my daughter was my mother ’cause she was my father’s wife
To complicate the matter even though it brought me joy
I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy

My little baby then became a brother-in-law to Dad
And so became my uncle, though it made me very sad
For if he was my uncle, then that also made him br’ther
Of the widow’s grown-up daughter, who was also my stepmother

Father’s wife then had a son who kept them on the run
And he became my grandchild, for he was my daughter’s son
My wife is now my mother’s mother and it makes me blue
Because altho’ she is my wife, she’s my grandmother too

Now if my wife is my grandmother, then I’m her grandchild
And every time I think of it, it nearly drives me wild
For now I have become the strangest case I ever saw
As husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa

Oh I’m my own grandpa
I’m my own granpa
It sounds funny I know,
But it really is so
Oh I’m my own grandpa

Loooool…Talk about a complex family tree, i know some of you here probably have such stories, feel free to share ’em. Well for those who come to the Rant Avenue looking for sane stuff to read, i’m not sorry but you won’t find it here. you just won’t. this is the avenue for me to…you know what? forget it. There also isn’t need for you to say “dude you’re not well” that’s like saying “water is wet” or “YOU don’t have sense,” its a known fact.

See the problem now, i don’t even know how to end this.

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27 thoughts on “SideBarz

  1. Your avatar,the one with poop in the toilet? Can you please explain that. I’ve had such high regards for you over time and I’m sorry to say,but if you can’t come up with a good enough reason for putting up such a picture,them I’m highly disappointed in you. You just might have lost a great fan,in me.

    Like

  2. SIXTH!!!!! \(‾^‾)/

    That “I am my own grandpa” song is the reason I fell in love with country music back in the day.

    I don’t think there could be any better inspiration behind the song than the fact that it’s a true life story.

    Good shit Kel.

    And you’re full of it. Ugh!

    Like

  3. Eeeeewwwww. Fork u for that toilet picture!

    Ehen did I hear u say something about pple born on the 1st of April? *side eye*

    Like

  4. loooool. I love the lyrics of the grandfather song and I don’t get the ‘Power IV” thing 😦 I like the post tho. The toilet picture is nasty

    Like

  5. Imagine 6footplus using this I’m my own grandpa to rap… That’s how it plated in my head sha… And it reminded me of that “in trinidad, there was a family…. Sometin sometin… Ur daddy’s not ur daddy but ur daddy don’t know”

    Like

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