Hey people, yes I know I’ve been MIA for a bit now, I really can’t be bothered to start explaining why. WHY? You’re still asking? Hian! At least, unlike most of the bloggers, I didn’t give a writing plan did i? did I say TSC will be posting as often…Lol..anyways, I’ll be back soon.

DISCLAIMER: This post was not lifted from any newspaper or magazine in Delta state or anywhere else for that matter. It was sent in by an anonymous source and has passed all security checks for plagiarism. It also does NOT contain the word ‘Pant.’ (Well, except once) Enjoy…

MAJOR DISCLAIMER: The post you are about to read is COMPLETELY FICTION. Any semblance to real life occurrences should be taken as coincidence. The story is in NO WAY related to anything that might have happened during my or anybody’s birthday. DO NOT think yourself smart and try to put two and two together. OYO o!!!

He always wanted to see her. It didn’t matter the time of day, he knew he had to see her. She was such an innocent looking girl. The kind of girl he knew he wanted to be with. You know, the type you just want to take home to mama. He would visit her office, under the guise of visiting her boss; his good friend. He’d crack little jokes with her, making her laugh. He loved her dimples whenever she smiled and he made her smile very often. It wasn’t long after their first meeting that they started dating. She was a container full of knowledge and he loved hearing her speak as much as she liked listening to him. He wanted only for her to be happy and he did all he could by way of gifts and all the works. There was only one problem; she didn’t seem to be into him intimately. He believed she was a virgin, although she never said anything about that. He longed to taste her, leave her with sexual experiences worth remembering but each time he tried, she always resisted. As much as he wanted to share with her the pleasure of love making, he would rather wait till she was ready.

She knew he wanted to make love to her and she always wondered why she was reluctant, after all, she had ended her celibacy vow and if she was honest enough, she was itching for it; the cobwebs that were there would take a day and a half to clear out. She remembered the day she took her oath of celibacy and she chuckled. It was on her 24th birthday…. And speaking of birthdays, his was in 2 weeks and she hadn’t the slightest idea what to get him. Or wait! She did.

His day came sooner than expected. A day the celebrant forgot was his. They spent the mid morning and afternoon together. He was content with being with her. It was very different from the pomp and carnival that usually happened on his birthdays. He wished they would spend the whole day together. What he didn’t know was that she had a different plan. They had dinner together at his favorite Chinese restaurant and when they were done, she whispered, “Let’s go to my place.” He was shocked. “Are my dreams about to come true?” he wondered…

Driving to her place took the utmost concentration as his focus swung frequently from the road to the possibilities that lay ahead at her place. “She can’t be planning dinner because we’ve already eaten” or “could it be prayer sessions?” *HORN!!!* “You no go look where you dey go? Oloshi!” a man in a rickety 505 shouted at him.
They arrived at hers and he eased the car into the sidewalk and parked. She got out and led the way. Without words, she led him to her room and sat him on the chair. His mind did a 100-meter race at intervals that would give Bolt a run for his money, it was baffling that she wasn’t saying anything and he didn’t want to open his gob and say something that could totally ruin what might be a night of greatness.

She dropped her handbag on the sofa and trudged over to where he sat in slow, seductive steps, a naughty smile playing on her lips. It seemed the national anthem was playing nearby as his member begun to obey and stand at attention. Ah, his prayers were being answered, this was definitely no prayer session! Well, she would scream out the Lord’s name when he starts the ‘service’

She slowly stripped him of his clothing piece by piece, starting with his shirt. ‘Thank God I’m wearing a tee shirt.” He thought. She moved to his jeans, fumbling with his belt. Knowing how difficult it was to remove, he helped her and she slid his shorts (editors note: Not pant o) down his legs. He was naked and she was fully clothed. He shivered with excitement at the thought of what she’d do next. His lil’boy was nodding in agreement with her every move. She walked behind him and he felt a scarf over his eyes as she blindfolded him. He felt the metal on his wrists and shuddered a bit. ‘Honey, what’s going on?” she laughed at him.
“I’ve got a little surprise for you.” She traced a fingernail along his chest and pleasant desire shot through him. Her lips traveled, kissing every bit of his uncovered flesh. Finally, they found his nipples. She sucked on it as if her life depended on it, She teased him with her tongue, making him squirm. He moaned and groaned as her wicked fingers moved to his erection which was hard as week old Gala, she thought it would explode. He was throbbing and dripping ‘pre-cumgoo’ (editors note: LMAO!!! aka penile/vaginal juice as the case may be..I’m sorry, ignore me) she removed his blindfold, “I want you to watch me do this.” He wasn’t prepared for the lust that enveloped him when she took him in her mouth. OMG!!! Was this how Usher got his inspiration for the song? He thought as he wriggled on the chair. He was about to burst when she stopped and pulled out a condom. He was wondering what she was up to when she put it between her lips, lowering her mouth to him. Without touching him, she smoothed it all the way down his shaft.

She quickly let down the straps of her black dress and it slipped to the floor revealing a body that many desire, not photoshop perfect but sculpted excellently in the right places. She wasn’t wearing any panties or she had removed them at some point. He didn’t really care. Her lacy bra went to the floor next, revealing breasts firmer than the Law should allow. Round, bouncy mounds of pleasure. Damn these handcuffs!!!
Hands round his neck, she threw her legs across him and straddled. She buried him deep inside her, up and down she went, her head tilted back in pleasure as she ‘grinded,’ occasionally teasing at the tip, Tempo rising and falling at varying crescendos, fast, slow, fast, fast, fast, slooooow, roll it a bit, then…fast, fast…. Together, they reached a staggering peak before falling back to earth. “Oh God, I’m cumming!” she screamed as she came. He smiled. First service was over.

“Wow! I always thought you were a virgin.” He said, She gave a throaty laugh at that and winked. She removed the cuffs and went into the bathroom to have a shower. He went in and took the soap from her, rubbing it across her breasts. “You’ve got the most beautiful boobies” he whispered. His lips moved to her nipples as the water washed away the soap, his tongue circling and biting tenderly, till each peaked and became taut. He touched his lips to hers- one, they touched again- two and then he skillfully parted them open allowing his tongue access into her mouth. They both fought for buccal superiority while water from the shower soaked them in seeming blessing.
His fingers moved behind her torso, slightly parting her folds. Her clit was hard and he brushed a finger over it. He stroked her, sometimes fast, at other times, slow, easing his fingers in, exploring her depth. She thought she would burst and caught herself from screaming “take me now.”

He knelt at her feet like a man in worship, and put his mouth to her. He ate her out, drinking in her water. (editors note: aka vaginal juice Just when she thought her feet could hold no longer, he turned her back to him, bent her over and took her from behind. Thrust on Thrust on Thrust… “Oh God, she moaned as she felt her blood shoot up as they came a second time. “This is the best birthday gift boo.” He said as he lifted her over his shoulder and carried her out of the bathroom.

The third service was about to begin…

(Editors note: To be continued…or not 😀 )

*Coughs* I know you all read the major disclaimer at the top so ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies..
I hope you enjoyed our fictional piece *coughs* Be informed that we shall resume with our other categories soon, outerviews and some new additions. Please if you have any interesting, FUNNY, pieces you wanna share, feel free to stop by at TSC.

Outerview posts also needed/ check our previous ones to get the idea. Send them to me at Posts like this above are also welcome for our new section.

Pls also watch out for “THE WRITER” competition on TNC (The Naked Convos) which starts next week. I shall be making some frequent appearances there. Follow @thenakedconvos on Twitter for more on that. Ok, till I cum sorry come your way’s @Sirkastiq for the TSC crew 😀


37 thoughts on “ServicE

  1. I see you took my advice to *cough* on your birthday.
    Congratulations bro…
    You have joined these erotic people ehn?! Oh where’s @xoAfro?..
    You said he sold out of our #ClubBateSellers. This is proof. ‘Goodluck in your new endeavours.

    Larry Sushey.


  2. I actually avnt read a blog in a abt 3months & it is no co incidence dat its urs i’m reading first. *prayer sessions* i died lmaoo


  3. *grabs fire extinguisher* *sprays it down south*
    My pantie caught fire!
    WHAO! I love this!
    I love how even as erotic as it is, you were still able to infuse it with comedy.
    “Hard as week old gala” LMAOOOOOOOOOO!
    Usher’s OMG, LOOOOL!
    The disclaimer had me rolling!
    I love how graphic this is, rolling the condom on with her mouth, oh la la!
    Such intensity!
    I half expected you to stop the story half way and dash our hopes, I’m glad you didn’t.
    Its always a pleasure to read your posts.
    Thank you!


  4. “…she stopped and pulled out a condom… she put it between her lips, lowering her mouth to him. Without touching him, she smoothed it all the way down his shaft.” <—– Ahn ahn, hian!!


  5. hmmmmn…. *sprinkles holy water* **clutches bible firmly** *** kneels down and pray for a similar birthday gift*** JESUS IS LORD!!!


  6. only an “agrovated” dude would think this up….
    Warning though; chinese or curry is bad before sex…..lets leave it there..
    Seems you’ve got all the names for the juices on lockdown (INFS)
    Nice twist on the dude eating the apple…..only a man who has would describe it so vivdly (all black men do….loads just deny it 😉

    *INFS–>I no fit shout


  7. *feels pant*, sorry panties. Wo whatever jor. Errrr… Saka, let’s pretend that disclaimer isn’t there. Is there something you are trying to tell us?


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