YimU

“Are you not going to ask me to send you my picture?”
Me: “Of course. I just didn’t want to be forward. Please send me one. A sexy one *winks* 😉
“Ok. Coming right up 😀 ”

*picture sent*

This is a rant. No seriously, it is.

i have had enough of this shit, i can literally not stand it anymore. i’m pissed. I shall speak today or forever hold my piss so yes I’m taking a piss. Ladies, i love you and i know you love me more but why? (-̩̩̩⌣́_⌣̀-̩̩̩) Turn to your neighbor and ask why?

STOP EEEEETTTTT!!!!!

I do not even intend to say much on this ‘cos a lot has been said already. Pouting. Its everywhere you go. Tell a lady to send you a picture and even before it gets to you, you can already imagine the way her lips would look. I’m sorry ladies but i judge you if you pout. Like why pucker up those lips? Do you so desperately crave some lip locking? na so the thing dey hungry you? As i type this, i’m trying to decipher if there is some secret power that comes with this mouth deformation procedure.

For the sake of the innocent ones, i shall attempt to define this condition.

Pout (verb) –  1. a facial expression with your lips, indicating dissatisfaction or sulking. Often describing what girls do when being photographed.

2.  Shortened name of various fishes such as the hornpout (Ameiurus nebulosus, the brown bullhead), the pouting (Trisopterus luscus).

Look Ladies, its your ROLE MODEL!!!

See that? Fish! FISH! EJA!!! You girls are imitating fish? That’s just deep yo.

As if it’s not bad enough that our females now want to be rubbing shoulders with their aquatic counterparts, some don’t even do it well. The struggle is real. You have deep set cheekbones and you’re pouting for Africa? Babe you look like a skeleton getting head. *shudders* and why do you have to take these pictures in your bathroom or toilet? Oh wait! Water; Your role model’s habitat. I se(a)

I mean, is there some competition I’m not aware of? like “Pout or die trying”,”so you think you can pout?” or “Nigerian Pouter?” Really though, i’ve sat myself down to ask some deep questions. “How do they feel?” “Is this some kind of ‘i’m a bawse’ look?” “Who the hell started this?” “Why did it become so popular all of a sudden?” and “when will it enddddd?”
Go online, enlarge Twitter avatars. Facebook profile pictures. If you’re not being entertained by some boobs, you are most probably staring at a chic confused as to whether she’s sulking or sucking.

it aint right!!

The male folk are not exempted from this natural disaster, these ones deserve the hottest part of sheol for their atrocity. Its hard wrapping my head around why a woman would want to imitate a fish and then on comes a full grown man with balls and a beard doing same? No son. You should be shot dead, taken to some synagogue, resurrected, flogged 21, then shot again and finally buried at sea (oh look, with your kind!)

D I E nigga D I E!!!

We do know that there are exceptions to all these things sha. Allow me say here that if you look anything like Angelina Jolie then and ONLY then would you be permitted to pout. I don’t care whether you are Ibadan’s version of Tiwa Savage or Taraba’s own Muna. If you are NOT Angelina, then Yi-to-tha-fucking-Mu.

The perfect Pout

To make it a happier world, i went through the trouble of getting a “how to pout for dummies” link. see if you can make sense of this, check out the website and apply the lessons to your already sad life.

how to do it?

Ok. Rant over. I’m done. And to the chic that sent me the picture that stimulated this post, Thanks a lot. Please don’t come and question me on BBM. I still have the picture and I won’t hesitate to use it here 😀 muhahahaha!!!
#Okbye.