WWW? iDK!

Hey Guys, welcome to this blog again. Yes i know that some of you are here because you expect to read something as brilliant as the last post, well fuck it. I couldn’t get my supplier to deliver an early pack of my good stuff, so you’re gonna bear with whatever i dish out on here. By the way, i partied hard last night and i’m not back to my right senses…or left as the case really is. *shrugs*

So, we oughta have an Outerviews post today but heck it! Y’all were too lazy to send in anything (yes. Its your fault) so, because i love you and wouldn’t wanna leave you high and dry, i have decided to come here and rant. What are we ranting about this Sunday afternoon? Good question. Waiting for an answer? Get to the end of the post.
So i was reading GQ being the gentleman i am and i stumbled across an article that really got me thinking. A lot of times, the question “what do women want?” has come up and lots of people have come up with their answers. It was one such annoying answer-article that i read that made me scream BLASPHEMY!!! and rush to type this.

I don’t know the answer to what women want perse (cos as their faces and hairstyles differ, na so dem wahala take differ) but i know what they DON’T want. Can you imagine, the article said women want a FUNNY GUY!!! I’m like KILL THE WRITER!!! If i hear that ONE MORE TIME that what a woman finds sexy in a man is his ability to make her laugh, i’ll probably start cutting off my toes with blunt scissors. What a joke! Its just not true. As a matter of fact, this is just another ploy by the womenfolk to appear deep. I’m not saying they aren’t deep o, i’m just saying…yeah you catch my drift. If this was true, do you think Woody Allen would have married his adopted daughter?

What women want is not a man that makes them laugh but a man that makes them RICH. Shikena!

No , No check it out, remember Basketmouth of those days, dude was hella funny, did any girl look at him? For where? They couldn’t see past his scrawny stick of spaghetti physique and dada hair. Fast forward to 2011, the hair is over dada now o but pepper has rested. Shey he’s married? You’re laughing? You think its a joking matter (get it? Huh? Huh?) *sigh*™ . So yeah, women want a RICH guy. Diamonds are a girl’s best friend not Nite of a thousand laughs or Witty comments. Diamonds! Look at Hugh Hefner, that dude is going to be 120 soon, don’t you wonder how come all those young, voluptuous, ravishable damsels flock around him? Do you think he’s cracking jokes? Its simple. The dude has the money to run the world if he pleases. Shey that chic took his $$$ diamond engagement ring and didn’t return it after the wedding was off. Diamonds. See?

Leave me, this shit is paining me jare. Yes e dey pain me. We will be there forming witty and making girls (and guys) laugh on Twitter, yet i can count the amount of benefits i’ve received from it (sometimes i feel like a vegetable sef). We will be there waiting for DM’s that will never come, then one GQ writer will tell me that women want FUNNY men. *spits* oloshi! ….Oh, aunty what did you say? You don’t want a Rich guy? Wow. UdonMeanIt? Okay, well your case is rare. If you don’t want a rich guy, then it must mean you want a TALL guy.
You can tell the dumbest joke the world has ever heard but if you’re 6’8, there’s a heightened possibility that you’ll have the ladies listening. This is because ladies (for some weird reason) believe that height is associated with a larger than average schlong. If you take the Wand.A.Coal case as study, you will discover that from the picture shown and based on his height, we can infer that short people have…ok, let’s not generalise. (i’m getting taller by the way). Women want a tall, RICH, good looking guy who is comfortable talking about his feelings. Ha! Guys shey you now see…Think about it. What’s the dumbest show on TV? You don’t know? Ok, i’ll save you. IMO its “Keeping up with the Kardashians”..The name alone tells you that the struggle is real. Ok now, take the Kardashians as our case study. Lets say the 3 sisters represent 3 types of ladies we have (Kourtney = fickle, Kim = Dumb but enterprising, Khloe = smart/loud broad). Now they all hook up with 3 guys (Scott, Kris Humphries, Lamar Odom) Is there any funny one among them? Ehn? NO! Any tall ones? YES. Any RICH ones? Yes. Out of the guys, who gets the most disrespect? Scott. Why? Because he isn’t TALL or too RICH. Shikena!!! I never thought i would learn anything by watching that show but there…*sips jews*

Look, a guy falls for a woman cos her bum looks nice or she has nice boobs , Megan Fox’ eyes and Angelina Jolie lips but a woman falls in love with a guy because he can recite Nite of a 1000 laughs episode 1-18? I don’t think so. If women find funny men so attractive, why did Maleke switch from comedy to music to attempted politics? The struggle is real my people. Now they say they find funny men attractive, ha! Remember when you were younger and you would make funny faces at that girl and she’ll give you that disgusted look and say “grow up, agbaya!” smh. Women don’t laugh, except they are laughing at the hole behind your trousers, your weird colour combination, or your recent Gbagaun. Women are too focussed to be laughing, this is why few women tell jokes. The ones that do look like men (i didn’t mention princess and co o…gigachic is an exception sha. That chic hawt!!) its not their fault, they just weren’t wired that way, they have an interest in shoes instead.
Based on the fact sef that women are a very ‘touchy’ bunch; you know their mind is filled with stuff that you shouldn’t make jokes about. Things like war, famine, death, poverty, paedophilia, genocide, animal cruelty, female body parts, marital fidelity, their friends, their family, Tonto’s lingua, women’s sports, old age, homelessness, disability, 2face, mental illness, foreign accents, KFC Ibadan, Festac, homosexuality, Don jazzy, female hair, cancer…i mean , what the fuck is left to be funny about? Sasha’s weight? Traffic? W-H-A-T???
So, heres the bottomline. I don’t care what you think or say. This is my blog and i’m the president of this outfit ‘TSC’. Ehen. I am a funny guy…Shut up! I may not make you fall and roll on the floor (i do that to Esse often sha), I may not have appeared on a stage and caused you to pee in your panties (really because you drank too much water sha), i may not be as cocky yet funny as Piers Morgan but i know some good jokes, i’ve got some good punchlines, puns and shit. I am all this but YET, i can count the women that have fallen for me on the fingers of one hand and still have some left to pick my nose. You know what i am? I’m a joke! I’m part of a dying breed, what do i do? Get tall? Get Rich? Or adopt a daughter?

The comment box is yours to agree, disagree or enlighten us more. The discussion continues “what do women want?”

*zooms off in discussion continues*

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94 thoughts on “WWW? iDK!

  1. *now humming the chorus of MI’s “fast money, fast cars”*
    First?
    Women fall 4 u all the time, wat do u think we’re doing wen we roll to KFC ibadan?

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  2. “…..Because you’re 6’8 there is a HEIGHTENED possibility…” LMAO..
    Oh.. And I don’t watch that ‘Keeping up with the Kardasians’ show.. You know why? Cos I can’t keep up with them..
    Adonye Out….

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  3. What do I want? Hmmm. No idea. Perhaps a man (or woman) I could stay with without getting the urge to kill them after a while. I don’t need a rich guy, I’m rich ¯\..(•͡.̮ •͡ )../¯. I’m not fixated on height (I’m quarter to a dwarf) so someone above 5’7 is ok. Funny guys tend to get annoying after a while so not big on that either.
    What do I want?
    Nope, no idea. -_-

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  4. Women!! ‘A hydraheadead’ specie.’Would take decipher them,I tell you.’ For me its Money they all fa**kn want!!!! #kpamkpam. Oya follow me ——->@meksy01 😀

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  5. Women!! ‘A hydraheadead’ specie.’Would take decades to decipher them,I tell you.’ For me its Money they all fa**kn want!!!! #kpamkpam. Oya follow me ——->@meksy01 :D

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  6. I feel you bro. The struggle continues… Thanks for talking out this very important issue. Why do you think I haven’t blogged about anything for the past three weeks?
    This post sha seems like a desperate attempt to set P. Don’t lie! I hope the DMs have started rolling in sha…
    SET P OR DIE TRYING… You know this!!

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  7. 9ja babe wud be like “abeg funny/jokes dey form shit? Show me the money jor”. 9 times outta 10… WWW? A man to love them, treat them good, AND with plenty money. A few wud settle for the first two. Most wud pick the last over the first two. #shikena.

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  8. haha. Kelvin is making some points tho. by the way,stop waiting for DM…be the DM sender. I really don’t know what to say….oh yeah…women want somebody who makes them laff…not somebody who makes them laff all the time. I swear to this.try it. don’t be doing ‘I want you to be happy all the time’. temper humor with (bad-ass)ness. then,u will definitely get it.
    *taps list of set Ps in my back pocket and walks out jauntily

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    • Haba mana!
      Ekwe, I’ll have you know that’s its against the ethics of the P-code to be the DM sender. This automatically puts you in the place of making all the moves. Standard practice demands that you stall long enough as to seem uninterested and await the definite DM that says:
      “Should we move to BBM” or paraphrased “Here’s my Pin”
      Note: when you ask for her pin, its clear, you’re whipped.

      And as for your back pocket list, rumor has it that its empty ¯\..(•͡.̮ •͡ )../¯

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  9. LMAOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Kelvin stop this plssssss

    Tonto’s lingua, KFC ibadan. Festac???!!!! I’m dead!!!!

    LOOOOOOOLLLLL!

    God go make u errr….taller o.

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  10. ha! u think say I no know…me send first? shey u want somebody’s daughter to be insulting my father??!! …I was talking about your very unique situation since u didn’t seem to be getting lucky. oh…in the words of OOMF during one of those DMs thst will send me to hell…”set the P next time…so u get her on ur booty call list,else she wil shag and dump you’

    may your December Ps set well.

    slevin,wetin be that na?! ehn?! haha. have u already had enough of my bolu?

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  11. seeing that I’m standing at an intimidating ermm 5’2 inches *ahem*, TALLNESS is a standard… I need to help the kids so yes, I NEED a tall man…
    Each time I hear a lady has to ‘struggle’ with her man before the get rich, urghhh…the imagery…so emmmm,you HAVE to be financially able to take care of yourself,me and our shoodrens… I’ll help out,after all, I’m a help mate/meet.
    He doesn’t necessarily have to be a ‘basketmouth’,but he shouldn’t be a monsieur le grouch either…someone with a sirkastiq *coughing violently* sense of witty humour will do just fine…or we cud watch ‘Nite of thousand laffs’ together while eating chicken from KFC Ibadan and sipping ‘jews’ so there… I speak for myself sha…

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  12. Lmfao.. did sum1 upset. Sirkastic or leave him?? Guess u jst had ur heart torn, nt broken tho… Well, in my opinion… I’m nt sayin I dnt like moni, bt u bin able 2make me laff is a plus, u also shldnt b a midget. Diff strokes for diff folks..

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  13. Aurora, I’m seeing what you’re doing here o. Well done! Don’t let the owner catch you sha.

    Kelvin, *sigh* I’ll deal with you later. No be here.

    ADD to my already laughing self, ADD to my filling/filled pockets & bank accounts, ADD to my already broad knowledge, ADD to my peace & joy.

    These are what I want (I think 🙂 )

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  14. Did I forget to mention I want a guy that will ADD to my height? I’m errr… Let’s just say I’m down to earth.

    ThinkTank, is your name Dolapo? Bloggers stay getting it EVERYTIME! Get in line!

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  15. LOOL I dnt think women want a comedian, they jst want a guy with a good sense of humor, not a clown. so yea, Basket mouth isn’t a Mr right kinda guy.
    And tall, rich & handsome is always a winning combo, but booboo u could be my exception lol 😉

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  16. Funny guys are annoying, broke guys r spiteful, rich guys r cocky n d cute ones r either players or gay. So…. Gimme a guy (or girl) whose not all these n if we can stay together for 2 months max then he’s d one

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  17. Aaaahahahaaahahahahaha! *wipes tear*. Too funny! Anyway… I like funny guys. I don’t laugh alot. The one guy that has truly swept me off my feet is the one that always makes me laugh & smile. I don’t care about the money: That’s what my parents are here for & why I’m in school working hard to build a secure financial future.

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  18. So women don’t want a funny guy?
    You don’t?

    YOU DON’T????!!

    This just genuinely made me sad. I’m going to close down all my accounts. Facebook, Google+, twitter…wait, let’s not get ahead of ourselves, wordpress…

    Chai!

    Sad day for me.

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  19. for a minute i was tempted to think this was about last night till i saw the magazine part.

    What do i want as a woman?hmm….

    A man who doesn’t see me as a threat to everything he is and will be. Plus, a good sense of humour would be welcome. however,seeing as most Nigerians aren’t schooled in sarcasm, I wont mind giving him lessons every other day.

    THE HEIGHT is a MUST!

    For the sake of my children and my temper he should have some niceness to his face or he should have the money to do cosmetic surgery to make it fine.

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  20. who said women don’t want a guy who’s funny? Thats a lie. Its just that someguyz overflog it. Buh obviously money is important. Not evrygirl is ‘show-me-the-money’ kinoff gal tho.

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  21. LOL!! this post had me laughing in class. x_x
    To answer your question, what women want?
    Well, i’m 6ft so i don’t care about his height. Money? err i’m not so bothered either as long as i don’t have to give birth to my kids with a midwife i’m content. i don’t mind a funny guy, nope thats not a problem but if he isn’t well, i couldn’t care less either. i just want love, attention, (lots and lots of it) care and all those sweet things. THATISALL!!!

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  22. U α̲̅rε̲̣̣̣̥ just α̲̅ clown……… Γσυ got †ђa† part αвσυt τ̲̅ђι̥ηg̶̲̥̅s Ɲδ†̥‎​ τ̅☺ joke αвσυt esp donjazzy…… Γσυ got мε̲̣̣̣̥ dere……. Nice blog ƌ̲̣̣̣єα̲̅я…… Mention мε̲̣̣̣̥ wen dere’s any new blog…. Xoxo

    Like

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