DEVelaTION I

IMPORTANT INFORMATION
Dear reader/viewer/whoever you are, due to the fiery nature of this Outerview, we shall not be posting any pictures. This is to keep the physical identity of our guest completely secret. This is also because he/it/she is known to take up various forms as was the case during this meeting.

MORE IMPORTANT INFORMATION
This outerview was carried out in temperatures reaching 50 degrees Celsius somewhere near Ladipo market, Oshodi. Let’s just say we needed something close to our guests natural habitat and a perfect setting where he likes to reside.

VERY IMPORTANT INFORMATION
This post is not for the lily livered, infact it contains subtle revelations the writer recieved. If you consider yourself easily offended, then I advice that you close this browser page right this moment. However, if you decide to engage yourself reading through the content of my twisted mind, then do not hold me responsible for what you might come out with. Further personal ‘study’ is also encouraged. Its that sort of deep post..yeah…

We may proceed…

Close this page now…

I have told u o..ehen!

* * *

Me: Our guest today is very popular worldwide, known on all continents and even realms beyond our familiar planet. Different people refer to him in different dialects but he’s still one and the same. A globe trotter of sorts. Funny though, I didn’t have to travel far to get him on the show tonight. You know what they say about an idle mind? It kinda attracts him. Yes. Ladies, Gentlemen, bots , insects, weirdos, trannies, and MTN staff you are welcome to Outerviews.
This is a special edition as you can see, reaching you live from my idle mind with surrounding temperatures as hot as hell, let us welcome our guest for today, the one, the only D’evil.

Cue music: ‘Zombie’ Cranberries *crickets*
D’evil comes on staged dressed in Prada*

Me: You’re welcome sir, hope you don’t intend to stay long here in my mind?
D’evil: I’ll stay as long as you let me *evil laugh* muhahahaha* Yes guys, the original evil laugh is ‘muhahaha’ not ‘buhahaha’ Write that down.
Me: before we proceed sir, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?
D’evil: I do.
Me: Errr…is that the truth?
D’evil: Are you fucking kidding me? I swear. What? Do you want me to put my finger to the ground, stick it in my mouth, point to the fucking sky and say ‘God’ too?
Me: That might help.
D’evil: who even taught you guys that stuff? That’s just nasty mehn.
Me: ok sir, we may proceed.
D’evil: yeah, we better, you know how I like moving from place to place seeking whom to devour..
Me: Very well then, I must commend your attire today. Who are you wearing?
D’evil: *chuckles* Well, the suit like you know is by Prada, I’m wearing shoes by BOSS, based on who I am, then my time piece is Eternity by Calvin Klein, you know I have to keep up with the times. And my fragrance is Death by Versace, he made that specially for the show.
And yeah, let me use this opportunity to say fuck that shit y’all heard about horns and a tail. What do I look like? Asterix or fucking Obelix? Y’all need to correct that shit or I swear imma bust major caps in yo asses when we meet yo! *rick ross grunt*

Me: Ok sir, let’s move on to more personal information. Can you tell us your real names, where you’re from, date of birth? The kinda info you fill on facebook?
D’evil: well like you know I’m D’evil aka Sayten but my friends call me Lou.C.fa..yeah I’m from *pause* well, I used to reside in Heaven (which is somewhere above cloud 9) but I got tired and decided to come to earth cos it rocks!
Me: is this the truth sir, cos what we read in the bible..
*cut short*
D’evil: Are you calling me a liar?
Me: well…
D’evil: how dare you call me a liar. You will refer to me as the FATHER of LIES and not a liar! you chinese technological replica of a bad imitation of a celestial being.
Me: ok sir..date of birth?
D’evil: I was born before the foundations of the earth so do the math..Isaiah 14: 12-20 helps you understand sha..
Me: a bilble passage? You know the Bible?
D’evil: who fights a battle without knowing anything about his opponent(s) *shrugs*

Me: Right Sir, can you tell us what happened in the garden of eden with Adam n eve?
D’evil: I hope you know I ruled the earth before Adam and eve came to be..Genesis explains that. HE told adam to REplenish the earth right? ‘RE’ means to ‘do again’ this means something had happened to the earth before and it was adams job to make it right again…
Me: Yes…
D’evil: I walked among men. Lived among them and was king over them. I had access to Heaven, I came and went as I pleased. (Isaiah 14: 16). I was an authority, I weakened nations..that was not enough…There was a first flood that wiped the whole earth (this was before adam). This was the flood that made the earth void and without form. Adam was made to start a new earth…
Me: So you wanted to stop Adam..
D’evil: Yes. When HE created man in His image and likeness, it was the biggest Insult dealt to me. HE made man and gave him all of HIMSELF. I was banished from Heaven because I wanted to be like HIM.
Me: Isaiah 14:13 says you were banished because you said in your heart “I will ascend into Heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of God…”
D’evil: same difference noni…notice ‘ASCEND’..for those doubting that I actually ruled on earth. I desired to be just like The Most HIGH v. 14…all I wanted, HE gave man (adam) just like that. SHIT!!!
Me: Hence you planned to make man sin..
D’evil: well, I never force anyone to do anything. For all of you that say “D’evil made me do it” I’m waiting for you. I just suggest, ask questions, Twist the truth a bit…Adam made his choice, he listened to his ‘help’ such help she turned out to be right? Muhahahaha…

Me: ok sir, let’s move on..who’s your fave musician?
D’evil..Oh! They differ mehn..right now, I be jamming some Jay and Kanye..you know them niggas got my back. Watching my throne and shii..Last week we had a mad Fela Concert yo! There was kush everywhere and you needed to see them Naija niggas doing some alanta ish yo..like they got fire all o’er their body..oh wait. They did. Muhahaha.
Me: favorite game?
D’evil: well its a tie between God of war and Devil may cry..
Me: Jesus! You play God of war?
*D’evil kneels*
Me: O_o
D’evil: *sigh*™ He’s Lord…You just had to mention the name didn’t you?
Me: Oh, jesus?
*D’evil kneels again* “He’s Lord”
Me: oh! I see “at the mention of the name..”

Me: ok sir, as we round up this meeting, some few questions left.. Is there really hell?
D’evil: Nigga u crazy? Doesn’t this scorching sun prove to you that Hell is real? Did you ever think you’ll experience something this hot? I’m sure you didn’t. Hence its understandable that some live in denial..its allowed, I’ve got lotsa room for them in death.
Me: Can you tell us some people that are there?
D’evil: how about I tell you who isn’t? Fela, Abacha, Idi-Amin,..
Me *interrupts* but you said Fela conce..
D’evil: Muhahahaha..I’m joking jare
Me: No you’re lying.
D’evil: Are you calling me a liar?
Me: No, I didn’t say that.
D’evil: Now YOU are lying, you insinuated it.
Me: insinuations and spoken words are not the same.
D’evil: Out of the heart…
Me: but I didn’t speak, I just typed this
D’evil: *growls*
Me: Gotcha!
D’evil: *does waka sign* Your Father!
Me: Eyssss!!!

D’evil: look man, I gotta go, I’ve gotta convince Ugo, Victor, Deola, Coco and Bankole to watch that porn movie. I also have to give MTN staff some ideas on worsening their service. Oh! There’s also Tonto, she’s thinking of another duet, I’m tryna convince her to go for it, how can I forget the oracle, Nigga needs questions for tonight and there’s no better mind for my evening relaxation.
Can we continue this sometime soon? Yes/No? I’ll find you.
*D’evil vanishes*

Me: Emm, people, errr…
(To be Continued)

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41 thoughts on “DEVelaTION I

  1. I totally loved the beginning. The end? Not much.
    “Ladies, Gentlemen, bots , insects, weirdos, trannies, and MTN staff you are welcome to Outerviews.”—–Muhahahaha.
    “I’m wearing shoes by BOSS, based on who I am.”—-THIS!

    Much as I don’t find things people tag ‘comedy’ even remotely funny…i liked this a lot,cracked me up some. 😀

    Like

  2. ” Ladies, Gentlemen, bots , insects, weirdos, trannies, and MTN staff you are welcome to Outerviews.” ◀—- LMFAO! MTN staff are not even categorised as weirdos. JAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJA!!!!!!!!

    Like

  3. Pastor Kelvin! This your ministry is really “moving”, I think you should look into drama- funny scripts with serious messages…you could sell affordable tickets and have an exclusive audience come watch your skits, nibble on small chops, be entertained and make some positive changes in their lifestyles. I enjoyed this and i’m sure the next installment will be even better 🙂

    Like

  4. Mehn, my late coming sha. Saka Squirt was having a convo with the DEVIL himself and I was busying carrying last.. Fucking Hilarious!!!!!
    “Nigga u crazy? Doesn’t this scorching sun prove to you that Hell is real? Did you ever think you’ll experience something this hot? I’m sure you didn’t. Hence its understandable that some live in denial..its allowed, I’ve got lotsa room for them in death.”

    Like

  5. i think i like this blog better than the old blog. lol at
    Me: Jesus! You play God of war?
    *D’evil kneels*
    Me: O_o
    D’evil: *sigh*™ He’s Lord…You just had to mention the name didn’t you?
    Me: Oh, jesus?
    *D’evil kneels again* “He’s Lord”
    Me: oh! I see “at the mention of the name..”

    Like

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